Book Review: I Trust When Dark My Road

A Lutheran view of depression, by Todd Peperkorn. I can't give this book the kind of review it probably deserves, since it is written from a pastor's point of view as well as a Lutheran one. He does make excellent points about a pastor's particular burdens that can exacerbate depression, even though I've never lived them. As a layperson who has dealt with depression, I think his descriptions of what depression does to your mind and body are very good at conveying the issues to someone who has never had clinical depression. Clinical depression is so much more than "feeling sad" and Pastor Peperkorn illustrates how this mental illness can take over your life, robbing you of your ability to appreciate the many blessings you have and your ability to enjoy and grow your most important relationships.

I wish I could have tried the two weeks away from duties and responsibilities that Pastor Peperkorn experienced. I ended up hospitalized as a last resort, not seeing any other alternatives. While it did help ease my overwhelming desire to end my life, and the new medication prescribed by the hospital psychiatrist has helped me manage my bipolar symptoms, it was largely mind-numbingly boring and in other ways difficult to live through.

Like Pastor Peperkorn, I received help from several great people during my recovery. I was blessed that my pastors knew that my mental struggles did not stem from a lack of faith, and that my place as a saved and loved child of God does not depend on my feelings, nor my ability to perfectly execute my vocation. Indeed, if one were to take a single thing away from I Trust When Dark My Road, I believe it should be that no matter how dark the road may seem, God is there providing for us. The intense suffering can go away, but God never will.

Who Is In Charge

I read a bulletin board which is mostly dedicated to discussing the many formerly great palaces of Russia, as well as the Russian imperial family, but also discusses other former and current royal families. I have mentioned before that I am interested in Victorian and Edwardian history and dress, and that I like to read about and look at pictures of the royal families of that time period. However, I do occasionally read about modern royal families too, and so I came upon this quote: "Am not impressed by either William or Harry (British heir to the throne and his younger brother-BTEG) but (as the mother of a 26 year old son myself) I know just what a terrible culture of cheap and freely available alcohol can do. Here in the Uk (I don't know about the US where I thought the law was far more stringent), the Government just will not address what is an extremely serious issue."

First of all, I think this speaks to how modern culture is putting off growing up for longer and longer periods. This woman's son is 26, yet his mother seems to still be worried about his alcoholic escapades, just as the two princes and other members of the upper class in Britain are often photographed in the wee hours of the morning leaving bars or pubs or whatever, in various stages of inebriation. While I see nothing wrong with drinking alcohol in moderation, repeated drunken binges speak to a desire to keep acting irresponsibly, instead of in a more adult manner.

Her concerns about circumstances in Great Britain contributing to this culture are reflected here by the chief constable of the Cheshire police, who says: "Alcohol is too cheap and too readily available and is too strong. Young people cannot handle it." I'd like to know why young people in particular cannot handle alcohol, at least in moderation. Young adults are perfectly capable of the maturity required to do this; whether they are encouraged to be mature is another issue.

Although written in 2005, this writer also points at the culture as a reason for outrageous behavior fueled by alcohol. "The relentless expansion of the student scene has resulted in a section of young society that has disposable income gained from disposable jobs, and little to do with their time. The rise of singleton society and the falling birth rate have contributed to the erosion of domestic life - your thirtysomethings getting drunk all night with their colleagues don't have homes to go to, so they stay in the pub." While they may not have siblings, shouldn't people in their thirties have spouses and children to go home to? Again we see a lack of desire to grow up and take on the responsibilities of marriage and children. Prince William is a great example of this. In his late twenties, having dated one woman (on and off) for what I believe to be about five years, why on earth shouldn't he be ready to marry? If this woman is not who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, surely he ought to have figured that out by now. Either he doesn't want the responsibilities of marriage, or he does not want to marry this woman and is just hanging on for the monogamous sex which is less likely to lead to disease or his face splashed across the tabloids like Hugh Grant.

My last question is, why can't the culture be countered? Is it too easy for me, a person who has a faith and a large support group of fellow believers to fall back on, to avoid cultural traps? While Christians certainly do sin and have temptations like everyone else, one of the fruits of the Spirit *is* self-control. We have a built-in counter-culture, as opposed to the mother in the first quote, who seems to see her son as a helpless culture victim, from which only the Government can save him. Especially as parents, let us train our children and model our lives based on what we know is right, not on what the world tells us is cool. Let's promote personal responsibility.

Good For the Soul

Since we were on the subject of jealousy, I must confess to being jealous of one of the other mothers at Mother/Daughter ballet who obviously studied ballet for a very long time and still has a dancer's body. On the other hand, Mr. BTEG would not have been attracted to me had I been built like a dancer. I have to remember that God made me as I am and treasure all the things I have in my life.

Irish Pride/Ohio Pride

Students from the Burke School of Irish Dance perform to Ohio's "theme song" at the Irish Cultural Heritage Festival yesterday. I like going to the festival just to see the dancers. Burke is a top Irish dance school which has produced a world champion, although not at its Ohio school. Great achievement since it is my impression that it is very difficult for non-Irish (nationality) dancers to win worlds. We were lucky to get seats; the place was packed.
ETA: Hello Innocent Bystanders!

Envy

I don't understand advertisements for products that say "You'll be the envy of your friends and neighbors if you own this (home-car-watch-etc.)" Are there really that many shallow people out there who want their "friends" to be envious? Of course I know they exist, and maybe they're the only ones with money, especially right now. This kind of marketing is a total turn-off for me, but then I'm trying to cultivate better relationships with human beings, not inspire jealousy. Especially since I believe human relationships will last beyond our tenure in this world.

I've Gone and Done It

I never wanted the hassle of more than one blog, and I've managed to keep this blog a pretty even balance of commentary, family news, my hobbies, our activities and so forth. A little something for everyone. But I am starting to want to get serious about sewing doll clothes, with an eye to hopefully selling some, so I have created a blog where I can post pictures and progress with doll costumes. I know a lot of you won't be interested, but for those of you who are, check out my doll blog from time to time. Hope to keep seeing the rest of you here.

Accomplishment

I haven't felt much like communicating, and that includes Facebook. It's not like I am ignoring this blog while pouring out my heart over there. Not sure why I am feeling less sociable lately, but going incommunicado will not help me in the long run.

So I'm going to brag that I actually got a project done in time for the event it was planned for! I ended up skipping the Simplicity pattern and using the book I have instead, and the pattern went together very smoothly, so the Dancer and her doll were both able to be dressed up for Fourth of July. I'm sure all of you who sew or do other crafts will know how gratifying this felt, beyond the joy of creativity.

Let's Use Our Heads

I've been gone for so long, I have a lot to talk about, but I just want to express my frustration with something I just saw, and that irks me every time I read it. That is the old canard "Baseball/football/basketball players make millions, so why can't teachers/libraries/other good things?" Okay, let's think about this. Does a classroom or a library serve tens of thousands every day they are open? Does a classroom or library earn huge revenues from television? Do classrooms or libraries sell $7 beers and $3.50 cotton candy to their patrons? Do people buy jerseys and hats from their favorite library? Professional athletes get paid so much because the money is there. People pay to have the MLB or other networks to watch their favorite sports. How exciting would the Library Channel be? Yes, stadiums are subsidized by taxpayers, but so are libraries and school buildings. And I'm sure we spend more on state and local taxes than we have on the sporting events we have attended this year, although we watch lots of sports on television. I'm not arguing that teachers and libraries are not worthy causes, just that they don't have the enormous revenue base that professional sports do. Close our state libraries down to two, like we have two professional baseball and football teams in Ohio, and I'm sure those libraries would be the most wonderful since Alexandria. But who would want to drive potentially hours and fight with half of the state to use said library? We need a sense of proportion on this. Unless we're talking forced confiscation of earnings, which I am adamantly against, people should get paid based on what gets brought in. Sports just have a larger fan base and therefore a bigger revenue base.

I Grade It an F

Since I emailed my state representative about online charter school funding being cut, I guess I am now on her mailing list. I got an email from her a couple of days ago which is long on style but short on substance. Maybe representatives don't want to go into detail in an email, but this email did not thrill me.

"It is vitally important for our children to have the best education possible. I believe that preparing every student for the 21st century is the only way we can improve our current economic situation." If people really wanted children to have the best education possible, they would go with the methods that have actually been proven to work, instead of whatever is new and shiny. And I can think of many other good ways to improve our current economic situation.
1. Don't spend our money like a drunken sailor and do work on cutting the deficit.
2. Cut taxes so businesses will want to be in your area. (See Cleveland, Ohio for what not to do)
3. Quit trying to hurt small businesses with things like high taxes and inflated minimum wage. Also, don't hurt cottage industries with ridiculous restrictions like CPSIA.
What exactly does "preparing every student for the 21st century" really mean? I can't even say it sounds good any more as I am immune to catchphrases and buzzwords.

"While this is a significant reformation, a transition phase of ten years will make sure school districts have adequate time to adjust to all aspects of the new education plan." Okay, *what kind* of significant reformation are we talking about? That was not made clear at all. And ten years is long enough for schools to weasel out of changes for as long as possible and hope something new gets passed later. What on earth is so difficult to implement anyway that it will take ten years to do so?

All-day kindergarten will eventually be required. That's good. You are already doing a poor job in education, so let's require the students to receive this poor education for longer periods. Haven't they read that "advantages" like Head Start eventually are lost a few years down the road? How exactly will extra school hours for little ones, who should still have more free hours, help?

"We must continue to discuss Ohio's diverse education needs." Again as a good Lutheran I must ask, say it with me, "What does this mean?" All kids need to learn, and to retain at least some of what they learned. I say at least retain some of, because I certainly have not retained a great deal of what I was taught in school over the course of years. This is evidenced by my inability to help the Equestrienne with all of her grade school math, at least off the top of my own head. How much real "diversity" is required?

In the email there is a link to the governor's Conversation on Education. Sadly, my alarm bells are being set off here. For example: "A modern education must be directly linked to economic prosperity. Ohio cannot thrive without understanding that world class schools will produce a talented workforce, and a talented workforce will attract and create jobs." Ding, ding, ding! Yes, let's get that little proletariat started young. I don't think people are fleeing Ohio in droves because they don't have work skills. I think they are leaving because Ohio is doing its best to kill local jobs. (see above)

"We cannot address our education challenges without strengthening our commitment to public education. As a practical matter, the vast majority of Ohio children are and always will be educated in the public school system." Always will be? Goodness, I hope not. There are wonderful options such as homeschooling, charter schools, parochial schools and private schools. Let's think outside the box, people! Okay, charter schools are technically public, but they have a much better track record *overall* than your average public school.

"We must strive to develop a specific, personalized education program that identifies how each individual student learns and use the teaching methods appropriate to that student's needs and abilities." You're joking, right? A homeschool mom can do that, although not so much out of an inherent superiority (giving dues to public school teachers) as the fact that she has fewer students, and she knows them very well. The parochial school my daughter was in years ago offered personalized education. They didn't follow through.

"Our schools must excel internationally in our ability to foster creativity and innovation. Our educators must teach students to think past the limits of what's been done, and imagine what could be done." How about we just give them an education with a solid foundation, and they can grow and imagine from there? D-Ed Reckoning is a good place to go to find out how poorly trying to "foster creativity" works out in actual use. You can also read lots of discussions, as well as collected data, on what kinds of education work and what doesn't.

"We must educate the whole student. Education must be viewed as a joint responsibility of families, educators and communities." I'm all for a family being invested in its own children's education, although many teachers and schools really don't appreciate parental input. However, what are communities to do to help educate "the whole student"? I'm afraid "provide money" is largely the idea here. Maybe not.

Lastly, "we will reduce the property tax burden on local taxpayers by increasing the state share of school funding to 61 percent when the reform plan is fully phased-in." So, you're reducing local taxes only to increase state taxes. This helps me how?? Not to mention creating another layer of unneeded bureaucracy.

Children get the best education right now because parents either have enough knowledge in a subject to help their child out, or because parents are wealthy enough to afford tutors. For story after story on this subject, check out Kitchen Table Math. Is this fair? No. Should we depend on bureaucrats to fix everything? Definitely not. Honestly, I don't know for sure whether parental investment is necessary in a child's education. If so, there will always be children who just have parents who aren't willing to put in the effort. Yes, some parents did not get a good education themselves, and obviously most families can not afford to hire tutors. But there will always be some parents who just don't care. For those who do care about the education of children, I think I would tell them to look to the example of homeschoolers. Many parents teaching their children at home are doing so on a shoestring, without a fancy curriculum or lots of field trips. There is such a wealth of free information available to all, that those who want to learn can do so. And this goes along with my whole philosophy of not depending on the government. Why trust a suit in the capital building to take care of you? Nobody is as invested in your child, and what is best for them, as you!

Belated

Too tired after the game to post and put pictures up. Sorry Scottius.

For now I will just put up this picture from our wedding that took place sixteen years ago, yesterday. We celebrated quietly.

For a Daughter and a Doll

I'm getting over the cold I've had to the point where the Dancer and I spent extensive time in the sewing room yesterday. I finished up a pair of shorts for her. Please do not look at the clutter on the stairs behind her. I need to get photo editing software on this netbook. :)

We also worked on a doll dress for the Dancer's American Girl doll. It's a Simplicity, which is not one of the best patterns, but please rest assured I paid no more than 99 cents for it. I bought it in my early sewing days. Next time I will send her searching elsewhere in my pattern stash. The only thing that really has irked me so far is the fact that I had to gather the head of the sleeves although the pattern doesn't call for it. Sewing gathered sleeves into a teeny little armseye is a pain. I should have basted the first one in, like I ended up doing for the collar. I have to fix the first sleeve only a little; the second sleeve will be basted first. At least the Dancer is learning a lot about sewing! It's fun to be sharing this with her.

The List Keeps Growing

It seems to me that people used to get together most often in winter during olden times, and barely saw each other in the summer. I imagine that was due, at least at first, to all the farm work necessary in summer, and later, to the Victorian/Edwardian propensity for going to the country in the summer. Now it seems that people hibernate during the winter, at least after Christmas, and do all kinds of things during the summer, at least in the greater Cleveland area where the winter can be long and tough and the early and late summer can be very pleasant.

Tomorrow a fellow church member is having a garage sale to raise money for a youth group trip. I would have liked to be there today so the Equestrienne could help get things ready, but she has school to do, and I am still not feeling one hundred percent. Not only do we have the garage sale tomorrow, but one of the Dancer's friends is having her end-of-year recital right in the middle of the afternoon.

Tonight the Equestrienne is going to a birthday party, with an 80's theme. What fun! I remember years and years ago some girl saying she dreaded having her daughter come home and tell her that tomorrow was 80's day at school. It's the circle of life!

Next Saturday is a work day at church, for which we will not be able to stay very long, because we are going to an Indians game with a tailgate party beforehand. It's a birthday get-together for a local geocacher.

Here's a picture of the Equestrienne from last weekend, which was a busy one also. I really do wish there were close to as many activities in the winter as there are in the summer! Winter is when I am at my bluest and need human interaction!

Online Virus

Well, actually I'm the one with the virus. I'm finally going to have to give in and admit that I am sick. I'm disappointed and frustrated, as there are things I want to do and I just don't feel up to doing much! I think I will be resting a lot instead. I suppose I became susceptible with how busy the weekend was. Too bad this weekend will be just as busy.

It's June Already

I spent all of May looking forward to the Equestrienne's confirmation, and the month just flew by. Her big day went very well, with lots of family and good food and talk and baby-holding. I hope to post pictures soon, as well as a few more baseball pictures for Scottius. I was so tired today that I even took a nap. The weekend was so busy that my sleep was compromised, so I suppose it's not surprising. There are lots of fun things coming up this summer, so there's still lots of things to look forward to. I need to get blogging more. I'm on track to blog more this year than I did last, which was a goal, but I only posted nine times in May!

Baseball Report

The family attended a Cleveland Indians game last night. It was sponsored by the department where my husband works, so the tickets were less expensive, and it was Dollar Dog Night, so the overall food cost was not so pricey.

It rained quite a bit last night; the tarp was actually pulled over the field for a rain delay at one point. We had planned ahead and brought hats, jackets and a blanket, but they were not waterproof, so eventually our stuff got soaked through. We weren't planning for such a deluge as we got, and anyway, we don't own serious rain gear. Eventually we ended up a little further back of our original seats, under the roof. From there we were dry, but couldn't see the big screen, so I missed when my youngest daughter was once again briefly on it. The stadium was relatively empty last night; whether that was related to the economy, the weather, the Indians' lackluster season or all of the above, I don't know.

"The Prog" is not nearly as cool of a name as "the Jake", but the Progressive Insurance SUV they have near center field by the home bullpen adds some fun to the game. For every home run and at the end of the game (I presume this is only when we win), the car spins, the doors open and shut, the hood goes up and down, and items such as T-shirts are shot out of the top of the vehicle. There was also a big spray of confetti at the end of the game.

Speaking of home runs, as you can see from my husband's picture, we were near center field so we had a good view of every home run that got hit, and in a 5-1 finish every run was scored by the long ball, mostly solo shots. I was rather surprised and pleased when the Indians pulled it out last night. It's always more fun when they win!

Family Time, Me Time

It's relaxingly quiet around here at the moment. Mr. BTEG took our two daughters and the Equestrienne's overnight guest to see A Night at the Museum 2. Current report is that the Dancer found it very humorous. They are bringing home pizza for dinner.

I haven't really been a movie person in a long time. Perhaps I just don't have the patience for a movie. I also hate the way I can get involved in a movie emotionally. I don't want to feel depressed after a sad movie. Movies on television at home are not so bad, but a sad or scary movie can still overly affect me.

I got a little bit of work done in the sewing room today, both actually sewing and putting away and organizing. It felt very nice to accomplish some things. I keep telling myself I need to spend more time in there and then I don't! As school and other activities wind down for the girls perhaps I will actually do this.

Here I Am

I'm keeping my promise to myself to sit in front of the computer and type something! Today was not the best day from a physical standpoint, but the sun was shining and my family was together and it's the start of a three-day weekend, so that makes it better. We also went to a restaurant for dinner, where we were Rickrolled. :)

Anybody have any exciting plans for the weekend? I think just relaxing is going to be enough for us, although the Equestrienne is going to have back-to-back sleepovers with her friend. I need to hit the sewing room soon. The Dancer has just hit one of those points where she has suddenly outgrown almost everything she wears. Believe it or not (and it's probably not if you've seen my sewing room) I do not have enough of many cuts of fabric to make clothes for myself or my daughters anymore. Fortunately, there is at least one beloved baby in my life, so perhaps I can use up some of the fabric on cute baby clothes. I'll have to try to do it before she gets too big. :)

Knowing Myself

So, I'm not going to be a high-traffic, well-known blogger any time soon. That's okay. I'm not sure I really want to be one, but I suffer from the occasional "blog envy." On the other hand, I like to keep my traffic up, and posting fairly often is the best way to achieve that. But when I have days like I did yesterday, when I'm doing all I can just to cope with life, a blog post may not happen. It might be good for me to at least try to write something everyday, though. I don't always have to write creative, insightful, perfectly crafted posts. :) Just put myself in front of the screen and see what I produce. It might give me something to do this summer since I've pretty much given up hope on the Indians season. Call me a fair-weather fan, but it's heartbreaking when your team's season is over in May. No excitement for the rest of the summer, at least not from baseball. I'm hoping we'll get to a lot of the fun festivals in the area, though. That will even give me something to blog about!

What Are We Saving?

One of my daughters' favorite shows is Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman. Ordinarily it is a very good show, incorporating history, science and other topics in an entertaining format. Today, though, it irked me. Half of the show's focus was on saving electricity, which is a good thing in and of itself. However, the reason purported for saving energy was to release less CO2 in the atmosphere, and CO2 was tied to "global warming." Come on. As time goes on how much evidence do we really have that this is occurring? Even many global warming champions have switched to "climate change" as a safer explanation of why we must follow their plan.

Two of the kid contestants measured the amount of electricity in watts it took to do certain tasks, such as blowing leaves to using the blender. A high number was greeted with dismay. I wonder how many watts it uses to provide the bright lighting for their filming studio, the cameras, the computer-generated dog, and the televisions kids use to watch the program all across the country. Yes, it's a bit snarky, but seriously! I'm tired of being lectured by television shows and actors when their livelihood is based on using huge amounts of electricity.

Of course, they did give us an alternate method of powering the television: pedal power. Practical to a certain point. They also showed a good option to using the blender: mashing guacamole yourself. Okay. They showed a solar-powered radio and fan, but I think the current drawbacks of solar power were displayed by the fact that the panel needed to run a small table-top type fan was about the size of the Dancer. And when one of the kids stepped in front of the panel, the fan sputtered. We get very few cloudless days here in Ohio.

They also switched to one of those bulbs containing mercury, which in my mind is still controversial. The funniest thing was washing clothes by hand in a metal pail. I know many of my readers like hanging clothes on the line to dry, but how many of us would like washing all of our laundry by hand? Even the Amish wringer washer uses a gas or electric engine. Made in Saudi Arabia! Even if I lived someplace where I would not get stoned by my neighbors for hanging up clothes outside, I would still use the dryer 1)for things like towels that get nasty air-dried and 2)in the winter. Heck, I'd like to see the rich and famous in Beverly Hills have their servants start hanging laundry outside to dry. Or would they get too many people trying to steal the bedsheets of a famous actress? :)

So, yes, there are ways to cut back on electricity. But can't we do it just for the monetary and resource savings, or must we do it to "save the planet"?

Mental Illness and What It Means

A friend of mine was surprised that I mentioned on Facebook that I am bipolar. Partially through blogs like I Trust When Dark My Road and Lilac Rose, I have come to see mental illness as nothing to be ashamed of. Mental illness is no different than any other type of bodily illness, such as Crohn's or asthma. Some people will look down on those suffering from mental illness, but life is best lived not caring about what other people think. I have lots of people in my life to whom I can turn if my illness starts becoming unmanageable, and thanks be to God that I have these people and medications to help handle symptoms. I pray to never be in as dark a place again as I have been, but in the end I have to live on faith.

Stress

It only occurred to me yesterday that the fact that we are planning a move might make a difference in my mood and view of life. That seems rather silly of me considering that moving is one of the big life changes, although not up there with death or divorce. I think the fact that this will be a *good* move (we're not moving until we find some place we're really happy with and that is larger) helped me forget about the stress part of it. After all, I've been looking forward to this move almost since right after when we moved into where we are now, since we had to make do with the best we could last time. But there is still stress in packing, deciding what is worth taking and what isn't, finding a new place, balancing our wants with our budget, and encouraging our daughters to sort through their messy bedroom. I need to be aware of externals to make sure I'm not just beating up on myself as I so often do.

Game Pieces

Two very popular hosts of a morning radio talk show here in Ohio have been let go. Clear Channel states that it is for economic reasons, but I can't really believe a company which seems to basically own all the radio stations in the country is hurting over and above. They are saving money, however, since the replacement DJ apparently has his show beamed from Los Angeles. The thing that saddened me was when I realized that all the people saying they will no longer listen to 106.5 don't really matter. If they listen to any other radio station instead, it is probably owned by Clear Channel also. What will really hurt Clear Channel is if people just start listening to their ipods or mp3 players or CDs instead of radio, and maybe people are already doing that. But if that's the case, why not keep what makes you different -- the talk show hosts? Without a live host, why listen to a music station that has become, in one commenter's words, a "jukebox" when you can tailor what you want with modern technology?

Tired Out

The main living area of our home is being thoroughly cleaned this weekend, and it's been very stressful and tiring. Mr. BTEG has been doing most of the work, with the Dancer as his right-hand helper, and the Equestrienne and I have pitched in some. Three of us also managed to ding ourselves up a little in the process. I tripped over some boxes and scraped and bruised my right wrist. I'll be glad to get things back in order.

I think our 16-year-old cat Cedric is showing his age. He's becoming more insistent about being around me, and about fresh clean water always being in his water dish. However, physically he's still in great shape, taking on the young cat in our house, Sabrina, and winning. I will be sad when he eventually joins our other cats who have passed on, but at 16 he has lived a long life for a cat.

Nothing too deep this weekend due to the aforementioned housecleaning. Hoping to have a nice and not too stressful day tomorrow. I may end up going to the doctor for an ear infection, though.

Moody

The laptop I use for my online needs finally died on Monday after lots of problems. So after a little time shopping I am set up with a new netbook. I miss the big screen of a full size laptop a little, but the netbook looks like it will work well for me, plus it has a battery that will last longer than 20 minutes, thus not tying me to a cord constantly.

I'm feeling rather moody. Perhaps it is related to my bi-polar, although my mood swings are much easier to relate to the illness when they are more dramatic. Thank God, medicine keeps mood swings from going too far, generally. However, my counselor and I have been discussing something which I've been thinking hard about today. Can a person be friends with someone with whom they don't have a lot in common, or perhaps they completely disagree on a major issue or two? I have a difficult time doing this, but some people do seem able to accomplish it. And when I get in a certain mood, I feel like giving up on people all together and picking up my toys and going home. Not very productive to burn bridges, but sometimes my inner self urges me to do it. I've been able to stick to the more prudent option of keeping bridges intact so far, but this whole people thing just confuses me sometimes.

Thoughts on Higher Education

A friend sent me this article on how student loan debts for higher education often end up weighing down those who took them on, and the possibility for increased wages with a degree often do not offset the debt load adequately. The entire higher education system in this country seems, like so many other things, to be a big, overgrown mess.

As always, I look for non-government solutions. The big Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac debacle illustrates to me all too clearly that the government should not be in the business of loaning money. I also don't think a higher education is so necessary that the government should simply be financing it. A university education does not make you smarter or more productive or a better citizen. I don't want to get into this too much, since then we could tear apart the whole public school system, but I just want to cover what might seem the "obvious" answer to some.

If enough people try to find alternate solutions to college, perhaps colleges and universities will drop their prices to attract more customers. Government loans have definitely not helped the situation here. The more people who get loan-savvy, the more schools of higher education will have to make their prices more affordable. Also, potential students need to be more discerning about their chances of doing well in college. The article mentions universities who deliberately inflate their diversity numbers without revealing that most of these minority students will never finish their degree. Here's another tip: if you have to take a lot of remedial courses perhaps the university is not for you. Or, perhaps you could find less expensive ways to cover your educational gaps. The homeschooler in me says, search out ways to improve your education yourself! At least to get yourself to the point where you don't have to spend big bucks at the university level taking remedial courses.

In our own family, I'm glad Mr. BTEG went to college. In computer work, anecdotal evidence says there are ways to get a start in the business without a degree, but I think the broad computer science courses gave my husband a better foundation and helped him get ahead faster. Myself, I didn't know what I wanted to do when I went to college; I only went because of familial pressure and because that's what smart people did. I can't complain too much because I met my husband there!, and two of the jobs I had before getting married were ones where a degree was required. Knowing myself better now, I likely would have studied other things in college, but then I would have attended a different school and probably never met DH, so it's all for the best.

The Equestrienne is presently considering a course in Equine Studies; big surprise there! If she still wants to be a vet, this could be a pre-vet course, or she could just take it with an eye to having her own stable in the future. If she could get a real job with someone who has their own working stable, like the people she rides with now, college could perhaps be skipped entirely. College would cover things, though, that her stable doesn't do. And her riding coach is talking up the college that she recently graduated from, so we'll see. I don't know enough about owning horses and giving lessons to know whether a degree would be helpful enough.

The Dancer wants to be...a dance teacher. So predictable! Her own teacher took education and dance courses in college. Again, I don't know enough about the dance world to know whether a degree is a necessity or not. I suppose it would sound better if the Dancer were trying to begin her own studio. A lot of research needed before we send the girls off for more education!

Boy, this is long, isn't it? :)

Kids at Work

Thursday was yet another Take Your Kid to Work Day. During the morning, they were a test audience for pilot episodes of television shows. Alex had PastaPalooza for lunch, which she loves. You pick vegetables and/or meats to go in your pasta and choose from several types of sauces, and the chef makes it all up right in front of you. In the afternoon, there was face painting and lots of crafts. The girls also came home with large goody bags. It was another nice day with Daddy.

The Art of Blogging

I'm feeling blogger envy, of all the people who can write extensively and heart-stirringly about subjects. I'm not going to say I can't write, but I don't know that I'm a good essayist. I tend to be rather brief and to-the-point when I express myself in writing, and I'm afraid it makes me rather boring. I also see my readership dropping, and a lot of hits on my blog are coming from people merely finding a search match to a certain phase or picture on my blog. I still have opinions on a lot of things; I'm just having a hard time putting them into words right now.

Oddly enough to me, life is seeming more demanding than it did when the girls were little. Yes, they can do more for themselves and help out around the house, but there are all the activities they are involved in, wanting to go to friends' homes (wishing we knew some kids who lived closer), concentrating more on schoolwork as the girls get older, especially the Equestrienne who will be starting high school in a little more than a year and needs to be prepared.

I also tend to be a bit in a fog lately. Not sure if it is age, or my bi-polar meds, or the craziness of life, but I'm struggling to put coherent thoughts together. Not ready to give up yet though. If anything, perhaps getting complete sentences and paragraphs out might help my brain-fog.

Together Again

Our cat Callie and her son Champ are reunited. I never thought she would leave us so soon after her son. I'm typing this through tears. I can't believe she's gone.

Nifty Knit Kit

We were at Jo-Ann Fabrics and the knitting set in this picture caught the Dancer's eye. As you can see, there is a pattern book with instructions to learn how to knit and several princess-y projects. There are also two sets of size 8 princess needles, two crowns to go on the end of needles, a pair of scissors, two yarn needles, and pink and blue stitch markers. We got it with our super-special Jo-Ann coupon (waves at Deb) and so we even saved some money on it. As you can also see, the Dancer has learned how to cast on. She is still learning how to knit stitches from there. This set really caught her imagination!

A Cinderella Story Is Always Nice

but I love this quote: When will our culture stop judging others by their looks, age and social status and begin to see the beauty, goodness and unique talent in each one of us?

Go here to see an incredibly talented person.

How I Spent My Easter

All the cousins on my DH's side of the family together. Technically, the little boy is a cousin once-removed, as he is the son of the woman in the picture.

My niece being reborn in baptism. I love the look of love and joy on my sister-in-law's face.

My niece with her parents and godparents, my sisters-in-law and their husbands.

My niece with our Easter gift to her, a stuffed bunny. Of course we also gifted her with a couple of special things for her baptism.

A Joyous Occasion

Yesterday evening the Dancer partook of Holy Communion with her family. Most of her extended family were there for the event, and most of us went out to Hoggy's afterwards. (Dan, there is one in New Albany!) I got to hold and feed my adorable niece, who will be joining the family of God this Sunday. The girls had fun entertaining their other little cousin during dinner. I felt very blessed yesterday.

After a Long Day of Shopping

what better way to relax than to soak your feet and read a book?

The Dancer has wanted a certain girl's pedicure set for ages. We found it today for about $5 less than we normally see it, and she grabbed it. Then of course she had to try it out as soon as we got home.

Being the little house-keeping goddess that she is, she also hand-washed the new first communion/Easter dress that we found today. The Equestrienne, amazingly enough, also found a dress she liked, and a little bolero sweater for the cooler spring weather. So we are set for the next few special days, except for me. :( Perhaps I shall dig through my stash and see if I can fashion something.

Which brings up another point, which is why I did not do any sewing for the holiday. Well, I had been dragging a little bit here waiting for spring. I did not want to put any anxious pressure on myself by trying to get a dress done in time for tomorrow, or Easter. Now that spring is really coming, I am becoming a lot more active and feeling better emotionally. I am praying this will mean more creations coming from the sewing room!

Blogging With ADD

There's so much I want to write about, and it's all floating around in little bits in my mind. Especially since I went shopping today and found a whoooole bunch of stuff to rant about, lol.

Okay, for starters, the bookstore I went to had a sign on the counter about thinking of the environment before asking for a bag for your purchase. First of all, this is a BOOKSTORE. How many trees get cut down every year for them? Secondly, this store was in a mall, and I think mall security would appreciate customers having their purchases in bags. Maybe I should just carry a big bag around with me in case I decide I want to buy something. I'm sure mall security would love that. Or they could just use paper bags, since they obviously have no objection to cutting down trees. In any case, I won't visit that store again. I have no desire to be preached at when I'm favoring a store with hard-earned dollars.

I'm sure there must be models out there who become pregnant at some point. Can we get some of them to model pregnancy clothes instead of sticking a fake stomach on a size 2? And ladies, did any of you ever get the urge to wear three-inch wedge heels while you were pregnant?

I tried on my usual Easter dress, and it doesn't fit. :( I've gained a lot of weight with the bi-polar meds I'm on. I don't know what I'm going to wear for Easter, and I still need something for the Dancer to wear on Maundy Thursday and Easter.

I'm bummed that the Indians lost their first game, with our Cy-Young award winning pitcher. On the other hand, seeing this back cover of the New York Post

helps just a little bit!

Books, Books, Books!

Mr. BTEG wanted to stop at the bookstore while we were out today to look for a particular book. The bookstore we visited had many books on sale, and they were also buy two, get the third free. We needed no further prompting to add some books to our home library. One of the books I picked up was Crocheting for Dummies. I would like to try to learn how to crochet at some point, and an extra reference book is always useful. We also picked up an American Girl Mystery Puzzles set. There are four puzzles, and you put the puzzles together to solve the mystery. The Dancer and I are looking forward to trying this out. Perhaps the Equestrienne will join us.

Our main purpose for going out was to get dance clothes and dance shoes for the Dancer. She needed new ballet slippers, new jazz shoes and some new dance wear. That stuff really adds up, but fortunately she doesn't need it all that often. She *really* loves dancing, though, so it's worth whatever we can do to help her.

National Felons' League

The accidental death of a human being is a sad thing. I just wonder why millionaire football players don't hire a limo if they are planning to drink. So much grief could have and should have been avoided.

Interesting Road Experience

We saw a huge column of black smoke floating up to the sky while the Dancer, Mr. BTEG and I were on the way home tonight. When we came around a curve, we saw that it was an older mini-van going up in flames. Not only was the fire spectacular, but sparks were also shooting up every so often. The Dancer correctly surmised that it was very likely a lack of engine coolant that started the conflagration, but then we had a little episode of our own with our radiator leaking a couple weeks ago. Fortunately, we did not have our engine get hot enough to catch fire, and also fortunately, we were on the opposite side of the freeway from the fire, so we slowed down only enough for everybody to drive by and get a look, and take pictures with their cell phones.

The funny thing was that I was attempting to get over to the middle lane so Gino could attempt to take pictures. I turned on my turn signal only to have the car in the middle lane behind me speed up and honk at me. As he went by, I saw that he had WWJD on his license plate. I wonder how Jesus would drive, lol.

Another Bloggers Meet-Up!

Once more the Evil Genius clan gets to share a meal with Dan at Necessary Roughness! We had a very good time at our last meet-up at a German restaurant. This time we're going to a tavern. At least there will be German beer! Wish more regional bloggers could join us.

Update: Had a very nice dinner. Is it just me, or are things getting nastier on the roads? I slowed down going into a very banked cloverleaf loop, and the huge vehicle behind me *instantly* cranked on his brights. Then passed me on the right, in the shoulder, as soon as we were going straight again. What's up with that?

Evil But Not Alone

Surfing around the internet I find I was not alone in wanting to have all the lights and the appliances in the house on non-stop yesterday. Do these environment-lovers not realize their shrill and self-congratulatory proselytization is the Christian equivalent to the guy standing on the street corner telling everybody they're going to hell? It just makes you want to do the opposite of whatever they propose. Honestly, I try not to waste gas or electricity just because they cost money! Not like some who tell us we should cut back while they use more fuel in one month than we use in a year. I'm fed up with being preached at.

Things That Help

Hearing from those of you who helped me assure myself that online schooling is not the end of the world.

Finally getting my new clothes in the washer. When the Dancer is bored, she does laundry, cooks and bakes. I know, isn't it awful. ;) It does mean sometimes I have to "fight" her to get my stuff in the laundry.

Finding out that the budget is not as scary as I thought. Although I just found out that the office where my counselor and psychiatrist are has been handling my billing wrong for a year!! That will mean extra money for us to pay. On the other hand, we just found out that the orthodontist never actually *billed our insurance* for the work we've already had done with the girls. I wish these professionals could hire *professional* record-takers and bookkeepers.

The beautiful warm weather and sunshine. And having the Equestrienne bring some daffodils into the house.

End of an Era

It looks as though I will not be homeschooling for much longer. The Dancer would like to join the Equestrienne in online schooling next year. Since we like the Equestrienne's online school, that is not a huge problem, but there a couple of difficulties I'll have to get over. One, feeling like a failure for not homeschooling anymore. So many people that are pro-homeschooling are also rabidly anti-everything else. This makes me feel like maybe there's something I could have done or should have done to make homeschooling work out. I also found the picture of the homeschooling life attractive. Trouble is, it didn't work out this way very often in practice. I don't know if it was my daughters' personalities or mine, or both, but we never had anything resembling my ideal Little Homeschool on the Prairie.

Secondly, a lot of the social networks I know revolve around homeschooling. I also don't know many stay-at-home moms that don't homeschool. And it's hard to find people with any time at all to socialize, much less moms who work outside the home all day. For some reason, there does not seem to be a lot of online schooling activity on this side of town, either. I'm afraid I'll end up very isolated and that won't be good for me. I hope I can work through these issues.

Life Is Strange

Right now I feel like I'm just existing. Going through the motions. I feel like I'm spending most of my life in the car, and I don't know how much more I can stand this.

I See the Light

Today I of course partook of the Sacrament, which makes it a good day, but I also sewed a little on a shirt for me that I'm working on. And Gino took me clothes shopping! There was a 40% off sale at my favorite store, and I really needed some new clothes for the warmer weather. Plus, we spent the money alloted for Christmas gifts for me last year towards our trip to Great Wolf Lodge. I was glad to do it, since we needed to get away, but Gino promised he'd make it up to me later. Today was it.

I'll try to get some pics up on Facebook, Kate! X

Can't Hide From It

I am officially suffering from depression. This does not mean I feel particularly sad, although there are some things weighing on me. I just do not feel like doing anything. I have no motivation or interest in any activities right now. I am the boring-est person in the world. I achieved a big milestone when I got through the end of February/beginning of March this year, but I am not entirely immune.

Life Goes On Without Me

Other than the fact that we are largely over our illness, very little is happening here. I have said before that I am largely ignoring the news; well, I am still doing that. It just discourages me. I haven't done anything lately in knitting or sewing. I'm just stuck in a rut. Today and tomorrow, though, I don't have to drive Mr. BTEG to work. I hope that will make a difference.

Spam, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage and Spam

It's interesting now that I am on Facebook, I am getting Facebook related spam. But not only on the email I use for Facebook, but my other email address which I keep a little more private. Alas, this email address has also fallen to the curse of spam, but not nearly as much. I just wonder if spammers have the two addresses related somehow? Perhaps Mr. BTEG knows.

A Special Craft Project

For those of you who are crafty, *and* fans of the Second Amendment, a gun cozy.

Struggles

Wow, I haven't posted in a few days, have I? Life was kind of boring this week, as the girls were sick, the Dancer the most so. No dancing lessons, no horseback riding. Not much schooling getting done with the Dancer. Not much getting out of the house. Had a mini-breakdown over some struggles with the Equestrienne; was talked back into sanity by some friends. Looking forward to church tomorrow.

How Should Christian Entertainment Work?

I saw this at NerdMom's, but my post doesn't really have anything to do with her views, so don't attack the messenger. Do you remember Veggie Tales? Mr. BTEG and I found them enjoyable and we let our girls watch them, although they do have detractors, with perhaps good reason. I don't really want to go into that, but into Veggie Tales creator Phil Vischer's big new project, called Jellytelly. I know that there are those who advocate Christians moving more into the areas where they are currently poorly represented, such as politics and the entertainment industry. However, watching Phil Vischer's video about what Jellytelly is, I wondered about a few things.

First of all, Vischer asserts that since kids are watching so much television, they should be watching better things than Hannah Montana. I say, first of all, why not encourage kids to watch less television? Second of all, shows like Hannah Montana are not *necessarily* bad. Watching Disney channel shows like these with my daughter, I am realizing that a) I preferred watching preschool shows like Blue's Clues and b) these shows are the food equivalent of a root beer float, sweet and fluffy but without much redeeming nutritional value. However, *if* you watch television with your children, parents can discuss issues with their children like dating, lying, respect to parents, friendship and more. It's not exactly worth watching the shows just to provide the opportunities for discussion, but kids like sweets, and they can be fine in moderation. Now, watching these shows, I can see why parents stick kids in their own rooms with their own televisions. :) However, I really don't believe that's healthy for kids, in more ways than one. I like being aware of what my daughters are watching and listening to, even if they're not my favorite things.

So, if Christians are involved in entertainment, what should it look like? Kids' television entertainment with religious storylines have been around since at least Davey and Goliath. Should shows have an explicit religious story and moral? These may have a place, but even there parents should be careful. Programs like Veggie Tales, that can have Evangelical messages confessional Lutherans may not agree with, may still have to be viewed with parental input. Can Christians also make shows about normal people who happen to be Christians, say, who go to church and pray before meals? Can it be done without the schmaltz of a 7th Heaven? :) Well, I don't know that my gifts run to these areas, so I'll just see what faithful Christians can come up with.

Keepin' It Real

Sometimes we don't get much of a real impression of people from their blogs. There are several reasons for this. For one thing, blogs are not private. Anything you say can be read by all the world. Facebook, with its privacy settings, is better for this, although you still should not discount the idea that anything you write on the Internet can be read by anyone. You also have to consider the privacy of others, and the feelings of those you blog about. Your kids probably don't want their specific misbehavior shared with a few hundred of your closest friends, and it's not fair to them or ethical to do it. Therefore, you can start feeling alone, that you are the only one with a messy house and trouble-making kids and financial limitations, and on and on. Well, just so you know, you're not alone. I'm not perfect. No, really. :) Nobody out there is, no matter whether we can see another's imperfections or not. We're all in this together. I'm thankful for online sources that, while they can sometimes keep us apart, can also let us know we're not alone.

The Nanny State Comes After Chocolate

In Scotland there are calls for a high tax on chocolate, supposedly to fight obesity, and, of course, provide money for health care. Because there never has been, and never will be, enough money for socialist health care. Let's fight to keep the nanny state out of the U.S. and save our chocolate!

Spring, Spring, Spring

At last, it feels like spring out there. The girls and I had a "tea party" of home-baked chocolate chip cookies and milk out on our little front porch. I think the girls will have a hard time getting their schoolwork done today! On the other hand, it has inspired me to start some spring cleaning, and the house is airing out from the long winter.

On Family, the Old World and Values

Joining Facebook recently and trying to find connections has made me think a little about family. Mr. BTEG and I discussed how families that come over from the Old World are very close to each other, their kids are all close to the family, but the third generation seems to drift apart. My grandfather had a whole bunch of brothers and sisters, and I dimly remember the annual family picnics where all of them would get together, with their kids and grandkids attending as well. Now the kids and grandkids barely see each other. I haven't seen any of my cousins in years. I wonder why that is? Does the assimilation into American life mean a rejection of some of the Old World values? Or does the gradual increase of prosperity of the later generations mean less of a need to cling together and support one another as family?

The other thing that seemed to disappear in these family dynamics is the language. My grandfather couldn't speak his parents' native Saxon. My father-in-law's first language was Italian, but my husband knows none of it. There seemed to have been a real pride in making sure the kids wouldn't be hampered by not knowing the native language of America, but what have we lost by discarding some of our past? Does it matter, since we'll never visit "the homeland" except as tourists? Thankfully, at least my in-laws have managed to retain a large part of their family culture. I read those "You know you grew up... when..." and totally relate them to my husband's family. My family did not retain so much of the culture. I think in my grandmother's case it was because they were wanderers in an alien land even where they came from, but I do wonder what life among the Transylvanian Saxons was like. I wish I could restore my few threads with the past.

I Can't Help Myself

We received a sales catalog in the mail from a large national toy store. One of the items featured was an electric bike. Didn't know they made those. Looks to be similar to the moped. Now, in addition to wondering why kids need electric bikes, I also wondered how they can tout the bike as Green!Clean! Why, oh why, is electricity clean? I understand that someday soon HopeyMcChange will magically fix this, but I was under the impression that currently, burning fossil fuels is not, in fact, green. Now, the kids just *riding* the bikes themselves? That sounds pretty green.

It's a Sign of the Second Coming

MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice performing together. In 2009. Hammer and Ice. Ebony and Ivory. Start storing food now.

h/t Innocent Bystanders

The Things We Do For Money

or the lack thereof, lol. Mr. BTEG is repairing the brake lines on my minivan. He's saving over $100 doing it himself, but it's taking him a while, because of course on an older vehicle the parts get rusted on good or otherwise thoroughly stuck. Plus he has to come in every so often so his fingers don't get frostbite. Literally. In the meantime, we have no working vehicle and I am going insane. The walls... they're closing in....

You Know You're Married to a Mathematician When

the Dancer makes a casual comment at lunch about the huge number of potatoes there must be out there waiting to be processed. Husband gets on his cell phone/web browser (he's also a technophile) and finds the number of potatoes in tons processed every year, and extrapolates that to pounds and even number of potatoes based on the average potato size (which he also looks up.) He's always interesting to be around. :)

He Is the King of Wishful Thinking

I like this article. Too bad wishes and promises won't get us through tough times. Frankly, I don't trust politicians at all to get us through tough times. They don't and shouldn't have that kind of power. I'd be happy if they just didn't make things worse. I don't know if that will happen.

h/t Laura.

Love This Quote

"But that's part of the Giants' problem, offensively, is their offense." - Rick Manning, first Indians game in spring training

Maybe I should mute the TV and go with Hammy....

Spring Really Is Coming

There are more birds around. They are dropping berry parts on our car and on our driveway.

Bunnies and deer have been around all winter, but we are starting to see them again now, which I presume is due to sunny days and ever so slightly warmer weather.

Daffodils are in the stores, even if they are not blooming outside!

Update: the Canadian geese are back too. And the Indians' first Cactus League game is today!

That Was Incredible

Due to scheduling, we didn't have the Dancer's birthday party until today. We had it at a place called Pump It Up, and we had an amazing time. Pump It Up is a place full of fun giant inflatables. Parties get a private room, and the Dancer and some of her friends got to run around and play for an hour.

The biggest bouncing area became a jousting ring after the kids bounced in it for a while. The kids took turns wearing a padded helmet and taking on another kid with a large padded weapon.

After all the exercise, we had pizza, cake, ice cream and beverages in the party room. The girl on staff assisting at the party had pizza out for everyone when we came in, put the candles in the cake, lit the candles, cut the cake, served cake and ice cream, cleaned the cake knife we had brought along, and even wrote down who gave the Dancer what. We didn't have to do a thing but have fun. I think it will be a birthday party the Dancer will always remember.

Planning Clothes

I'm trying to be good and plan ahead and get the Dancer's dress made early for Easter. I also am considering what she will wear for her first communion. She is receiving it on Maundy Thursday, so I don't know that anything too frilly or bright is in order. She does have a nice black skirt with ruffles she has been wearing all winter. Maybe I could get her an especially pretty top and that would work.

The Equestrienne is not as interested in clothes, but she does need a nice dress for her confirmation in May. A white dress (I'm such a traditionalist.) She has an idea in mind of what she wants, so I've been scouring patterns. I wish there were more patterns in junior sizes. I'm not sure we could find what we want in stores. Junior dresses are being slated towards prom wear at this point, from what I can tell. Anyway, the Equestrienne is too young to wear a dress that is also appropriate for a 17-year-old for party wear. Or not appropriate, depending on your ethics and aesthetics, lol. Dresses for milestones in a girl's church life seem to be slanted towards the Catholic First Communion bridal wear type dresses. And I suppose this is not surprising, as I'm sure there is lots of money in these dresses, as there is in bridal wear itself. Fancy dresses are definitely *not* the Equestrienne's style, however.

Need Negative Advice

Photo negative advice, that is. I know some of you are scrapbookers and do a lot with photos. Are there any cool new ways out there to store and label negatives? Since I've joined Facebook, I've been going through a lot of our older pictures, with an eye to possibly uploading some. I'm tired of having loose envelopes of negatives laying around.

Ohio Has Its Problems

but it is apparently a *very* affordable place to live, according to the National Association of Home Builders on Lifehacker.com. Pretty much all of Northeast Ohio gets mentioned. Hmmm. Maybe we shouldn't move unless Mr. BTEG gets offered the big bucks. And no, we're not seriously thinking about moving, unless some state secedes. :) But it is something we toss around sometimes.

Nodding Off

I've been sleepy all this week. Tonight I finally did a little digging online and discovered that Vitamin D can cause somnolence. Well, guess what I just started taking supplements of? Would anyone like a lightly-used bottle of Vitamin D, lol?

Since I've been so tired, I've gotten little done. I hate that, because so much of the time I judge my worth by what I achieve. That can definitely have consequences. Hey, we've all eaten and had clean clothes and clean dishes this week! :)

Concentration

I'm frustrated. I enjoy knitting while the Dancer is in dance class. It's nicer than reading, since I also like to watch the Dancer. However, I've found it hard to knit successfully during dance class. I was working on a dishcloth with a basic knit/purl pattern, but somehow I managed to mess up several rows. Then I switched to a scarf I'm knitting to match the hat I made, and I made a mistake just in straight knitting. Of course, I was working with suede yarn which has been tricky for me. I tried doing embroidery before, but I need more practice doing it to get better first, and the light wasn't always good at dance class. Sewing, unfortunately, is best done in my sewing room. I need to find time there this week!

Baby Love

We finally got to meet the newest member of our family, Grace, yesterday! She is adorably cute, and it was so nice to hold a baby again! I am happy for my sister-in-law and her husband who have this little bundle of sunshine in their lives.

She is already a Bears fan.

Here she is wearing the sleeper I bought her. Isn't it nice?
And here's the bib I knitted for her. I did it a little differently from the pattern; I made the main part of the bib all one width. I was aware it might affect how the bib laid, but I washed it and laid it out flat to dry, and I think it will work. I am going to make another one all in orange, for when Grace eats strained carrots. They stain something awful. One of those things you learn when you have a baby around. :)

Saint Valentine's Day

I hope you all are having a nice day. I know some people are not, on account of the snow we received. While driving the Equestrienne to confirmation class this morning, we saw five accidents. We only saw one on the way home, but it was somewhat spectacular -- an SUV down in the ditch, on its side. Also, at one point an SUV just in front of me in the farthest lane, which wasn't plowed very well, was kicking up so much snow that I couldn't see out the windshield for several seconds, even with the wipers going as fast as possible. Fortunately, the roads are already pretty normal again, just a little wet.

I'm very tired today, for some reason. Good thing we did not pick today to go visit our new niece. We're going to be going in tomorrow. We'll also celebrate the Dancer's birthday, and my sister-in-laws' birthdays. I finished the baby bib; I just need to wash it and shape it. I'll take a picture of it before I deliver it. I also finished a hat. It turned out as it was supposed to, but I'm not thrilled with it because it doesn't come down over my ears far enough. I'm eying a hat pattern with ear flaps. I'm too tired to even head out and buy yarn for it. I think I'm going to go take a rest!

Twue Wuv

Look what the delivery man brought me today!
They are from the handsome and charming Mr. BTEG. Thank you, dear! He knows the multi-colored rose bouquets are my favorite.

They came from ProFlowers, with whom we have always had good luck. The flowers really do last a very long time. Sadly, this is an unpaid testimonial. :)

Back in the Swing

We are taking advantage of the warm weather. Garbage cans have been emptied. A load of boxes of things we want to keep, but won't need until well after we move, such as Christmas ornaments, have been taken to our storage unit.

Loads of laundry have been done, by the Evil Genius and the Dancer. Dishes have been run through the dishwasher. We are trying to catch up after everyone being sick.

The Dancer and I need to get back seriously into the school schedule. I have a question for you homeschoolers. Would you feel comfortable letting a fourth-grader with fairly good reading skills and comprehension read assignments on her own, not aloud to her teacher? She still struggles with sounding out words she is not familiar with, which is why I've been having her read aloud. I've been feeling (cough) lazy and wonder whether I could just be letting her read. She doesn't do very well yet pronouncing new words even when I help through sounding them out, or just telling her how to pronounce, as in Tchaikovsky. I'm hoping this will come later.

Scared

I really am scared about all the health care stuff going through right now. My husband has Crohn's, Hashimoto's, asthma, and struggles with depression. I am bipolar and currently have a counselor and psychiatrist as part of my care regimen, as well as some expensive drugs. Well, drugs for Crohn's aren't cheap either. There's lots of research, which costs money, going on for Crohn's, as currently the best they can do is keep you in remission. Nationalized health care brings down the level of care, and things are cut to bring down costs. I'm not going to argue this with anyone. I just won't. I can point to example after example, but I really don't want to get into this argument. I don't have the time or emotional energy. If you disagree, get your own blog.

Anyway, I'm worried about our lives being seriously impacted. The quality of my husband's life could be at risk. I'm not sure how often Crohn's, for example, is a cause of death. But without tests and treatment he could lose a lot of productive time. My very life could be at risk. The rate for suicides of bipolars is 30 times higher than the rest of the population. I don't want to be over-dramatic, but hiding from the effects of bipolar doesn't make them go away, either. I'm afraid of losing access to the drugs and medical care we need, that they will be deemed too expensive. Perhaps I'm worrying over nothing. But I want my husband and I to be able to live full, healthy lives, and medical interventions are so much a part of that. Oh, Lord, watch over and protect us.

Relief

The good news is, (relatively) warm weather and sunshine have come to Northeast Ohio, melting away a lot of the snow and ice. The bad news is, our church basement flooded. Boy, does that building need work. Maybe we should all start buying lottery tickets.

I didn't realize how much being housebound by this illness that refuses to die was affecting me until we went out to lunch with friends yesterday. I felt a lot better afterwards. I wish there were more active homeschool groups around here. I've found a couple that mostly communicate through Yahoo Groups, but they don't do much by way of activities. My eldest daughter is in an online charter school, but a lot of the stuff they do seems to be waaaayyyy over on the other side of town. Why is it so hard to find congenial folks so often?

Am I Hiding?

I just don't have the stomach for posting about political things right now. It's all gotten so corrupt and seems irredeemable. Sometimes I think our only hope is that some brave state or two will decide to secede and take themselves back to a smaller government. I also think I remember Orson Scott Card suggesting states should start calling for a new Constitutional Convention. That might work also.

In the meantime, I have enough to deal with in my everyday life that gets me down. Such as not being able to go see my new niece because the whole family is sick. Such as being stuck at home, both because of the weather and not wanting to pass our germs along. Honestly, I may be cynical, but I don't think my elected representatives really care what I think. I'm not the same political party as most of them, so what do they care? Perhaps, what do I care? It all seems so out of control. I suppose that's not very productive, and maybe I'll start caring again. Right now I guess I'm hiding.

Dressing Your Way to God

There was a large group of Amish actually eating at the restaurant we stopped at on Monday. That's unusual, to see Amish actually eating at an Amish restaurant. We had to explain to the Dancer the reason behind their manner of dress. The women were all in black, with full head caps. The men of course had the full beards. They were speaking Pennsylvania Dutch on the way out. The Dancer noticed every one of them was wearing glasses. I wonder if that is related to their small genetic base. Not that it would cause poor eyesight, but poor eyesight might tend to be spread through the group easier.

I used to admire the Amish more than I do now. Perhaps television or the internet distracts from praying, say, or maybe it's that our sinful nature is the why, and television is just the how. Certainly we should dress modestly, but I don't think certain colors, or a lack of zippers, will help or harm us in any way with God. Really, the only help we have is God's Word and Sacrament. As for the rest, it's easy to get very legalistic. Better, I think, to live and let live, and know that we all sin. If someone is willfully and repeatedly engaging in a harmful activity, then sure, take it to our brother. But earrings or shaving or a teal blue shirt or shoes with a heel, what do they mean in the long run?

Road Trip

We had things to take care of in Columbus yesterday, so Mr. BTEG, the Dancer and I hit the road. If it hadn't been necessary that we go, we wouldn't have, as none of us are feeling our best. I have been getting better, but walking around downtown Columbus in the cold trying to find the Max and Erma's Restaurant (or Max and Earmuffs, as the Equestrienne used to call it) let me know I'm still not 100%. Well, there's that and the laryngitis. We would have left the Dancer in the care of her big sis if her cough wasn't croupy sounding when she first got sick. She had a bad case of croup as a toddler. Although the hospital of course would never tell us, I have always suspected we came close to losing her then. I really don't think the crash cart was routine. Anyway, she still gets that seal-bark cough on occasion, so we like to keep an eye on her.

We stopped at an Amish restaurant on the way home that we used to favor when we lived in Columbus and made the trip north often. The food was not as good as it used to be, although the broasted chicken was still yummy. There was an Amish restaurant close to where we lived when I was pregnant with both of my girls, and I enjoyed going there for the all-you-can-eat buffet. I got hungry when I was pregnant. Not to mention all the little snacks I needed to calm my stomach down.

Speaking of restaurants, we had much better luck with the Max and Erma's down there than we've been having up here. I wonder if the proximity to corporate has anything to do with it. We stopped at the Wendy's years ago that was right down the street from their corporate, and ordered a Double Stack sandwich for me. The sandwich was a really good deal, but it came with cheese automatically, and we tried about three times to get it without cheese. Finally, Mr. BTEG went up to a few corporate looking guys with clipboards and explained the problem. We got the sandwich right the next time.

Happy Birthday, Dancer

Today the Dancer enters into double digits! She was a C-section baby, deciding to turn sideways at the last minute. Surprised the heck out of my doctor. She's been active ever since, whether gymnastics or dancing or running or leaping or biking. Happy birthday to my baby!

Light Ahead

Today I'm starting to feel alive again, after being sick most of the week. I got a catalog in the mail filled with spring clothes that makes me feel that perhaps this cold weather won't last forever. Of course, there's the issue of digging money out of the budget to buy new clothes. :) But it's fun looking at the catalog. Ah, new spring clothes, in bright new colors!

Since I wasn't feeling well, and Mr. BTEG and the Dancer have caught the germs as well, not much has been going on around here. I've been knitting, since it's something I can do in bed. I have one strap left on the baby bib; I'm hoping I can re-attach the yarn successfully.

I'm looking forward to what I can do this week when I feel healthy again!