The List Keeps Growing

It seems to me that people used to get together most often in winter during olden times, and barely saw each other in the summer. I imagine that was due, at least at first, to all the farm work necessary in summer, and later, to the Victorian/Edwardian propensity for going to the country in the summer. Now it seems that people hibernate during the winter, at least after Christmas, and do all kinds of things during the summer, at least in the greater Cleveland area where the winter can be long and tough and the early and late summer can be very pleasant.

Tomorrow a fellow church member is having a garage sale to raise money for a youth group trip. I would have liked to be there today so the Equestrienne could help get things ready, but she has school to do, and I am still not feeling one hundred percent. Not only do we have the garage sale tomorrow, but one of the Dancer's friends is having her end-of-year recital right in the middle of the afternoon.

Tonight the Equestrienne is going to a birthday party, with an 80's theme. What fun! I remember years and years ago some girl saying she dreaded having her daughter come home and tell her that tomorrow was 80's day at school. It's the circle of life!

Next Saturday is a work day at church, for which we will not be able to stay very long, because we are going to an Indians game with a tailgate party beforehand. It's a birthday get-together for a local geocacher.

Here's a picture of the Equestrienne from last weekend, which was a busy one also. I really do wish there were close to as many activities in the winter as there are in the summer! Winter is when I am at my bluest and need human interaction!

Moody

The laptop I use for my online needs finally died on Monday after lots of problems. So after a little time shopping I am set up with a new netbook. I miss the big screen of a full size laptop a little, but the netbook looks like it will work well for me, plus it has a battery that will last longer than 20 minutes, thus not tying me to a cord constantly.

I'm feeling rather moody. Perhaps it is related to my bi-polar, although my mood swings are much easier to relate to the illness when they are more dramatic. Thank God, medicine keeps mood swings from going too far, generally. However, my counselor and I have been discussing something which I've been thinking hard about today. Can a person be friends with someone with whom they don't have a lot in common, or perhaps they completely disagree on a major issue or two? I have a difficult time doing this, but some people do seem able to accomplish it. And when I get in a certain mood, I feel like giving up on people all together and picking up my toys and going home. Not very productive to burn bridges, but sometimes my inner self urges me to do it. I've been able to stick to the more prudent option of keeping bridges intact so far, but this whole people thing just confuses me sometimes.

Life Is Strange

Right now I feel like I'm just existing. Going through the motions. I feel like I'm spending most of my life in the car, and I don't know how much more I can stand this.

Keepin' It Real

Sometimes we don't get much of a real impression of people from their blogs. There are several reasons for this. For one thing, blogs are not private. Anything you say can be read by all the world. Facebook, with its privacy settings, is better for this, although you still should not discount the idea that anything you write on the Internet can be read by anyone. You also have to consider the privacy of others, and the feelings of those you blog about. Your kids probably don't want their specific misbehavior shared with a few hundred of your closest friends, and it's not fair to them or ethical to do it. Therefore, you can start feeling alone, that you are the only one with a messy house and trouble-making kids and financial limitations, and on and on. Well, just so you know, you're not alone. I'm not perfect. No, really. :) Nobody out there is, no matter whether we can see another's imperfections or not. We're all in this together. I'm thankful for online sources that, while they can sometimes keep us apart, can also let us know we're not alone.

He Is the King of Wishful Thinking

I like this article. Too bad wishes and promises won't get us through tough times. Frankly, I don't trust politicians at all to get us through tough times. They don't and shouldn't have that kind of power. I'd be happy if they just didn't make things worse. I don't know if that will happen.

h/t Laura.

Downers

I was feeling awfully blue yesterday. So much so that I burst into tears last night. I think only having one car is really wearing on me. We were going to take Mr. BTEG's car in to be repaired, but would you believe that a place with "Auto Body and Frame" in its title doesn't, actually, work on frames? Now we have to find someplace else who will take on the job.

We're hoping to move in late spring, but I don't know where we're going to move, and that wears on me also. Of course there's still a lot of time ahead, but I like having things planned and settled out. Also, it may not be practical to stay in this area, and I love it here. I've lived most of my life on the west side of Cleveland, and I'm very attached to it. I'm sure if we move, we'll find someplace nice, but I don't enjoy the uncertainty of having nothing specific to plan for and look forward to.

The Dancer, especially, misses our cat, Champ. She had more of a bond to him than any other cat in our household. He had a special bond with the rest of us as well. Losing a pet is always hard, but we didn't expect to lose him at such a relatively young age.

I'm trying to soak up as much sunlight as I can. I think it's been an unusually sunny winter, albeit also unusually cold and snowy. I'm trying anything I can to keep my spirits up.

At Least the Sun Is Shining

Have you ever felt tired of being where you are and can't do anything about it? That's where I am right now. This isn't a post-holidays thing, either. I just hope I can survive until things get better.

At least I'm getting some sunshine. Yesterday there was sun, today there was sun, and tomorrow we're supposed to have sunshine also. I'm hoping the sunshine will help get me through the rest of the winter.

Good, Bad, Unusual

The good is that the weather was lovely today -- warm, and even with some sun. It was nice to have a break from the cold. And I know I need all the sunshine I can get.

The bad is that I've a little bit of post-holiday blues. At least I think that's what I'm feeling. I'm hoping as we ease back into normal living that I will feel normal too. And we're spending the New Year holidays having Christmas with my in-laws, which will be fun. I do have a lot to look forward to in 2009.

The unusual is that we saw a bald eagle in flight on the way to Great Wolf Lodge. It was an awesome sight, and the first time any of us had seen an eagle in the wild. It's neat to think we have a bald eagle (or eagles) so close to where we live, also.

Women Stuff

I hate feeling like a zombie at least one day a month. A good burger and a scoop of double chocolate chunk ice cream (with huge, creamy chunks of chocolate) helped.

Oh, and it may be another month before the Equestrienne officially turns 13, but she went to her first concert tonight. Cheetah Girls. So she's well on her way to teen-dom.

I Know It's Silly But

I'm disappointed that American Girl is discontinuing the Samantha doll and her entire line. I have a Samantha doll and there were several things I wanted to get for her, but it was never a priority. You know how it is when you're the mom. Now the one thing I really wanted is sold out on AG's site and is two and a half times the price on eBay. Maybe the price will go down after Christmas. Anyway, I'm also disappointed because I think it shows one more mis-step in Mattel's handling of American Girl. I think the idea is to introduce more dolls from more time periods, but I don't see why they can't keep the ones they have. I thought Samantha was a pretty popular doll, and from one of my favorite time periods.

Blech

Like Miss Sniz, I'm feeling gloomy. Perhaps the gray, cold weather has something to do with it. I need something to perk me up, and I'm not coming up with any feasible ideas. Maybe I should try to clean up the clutter around here. It might help not to have to look at that.

Get Me Out of Here

I can't escape it any longer. A Charlie Brown Christmas is on television tonight. From where I sit in our family room, I can see our neighbors have their Christmas tree up. My daughters tell me that our neighbors across the street have three trees up. Yes, it would definitely seem another holiday season is upon us, and I am feeling very Charlie-Brownish.

When do you start decorating for Christmas? We usually wait until Christmas Eve or right before, as the Scientist's birthday is right before Christmas, and we like to keep her birthday and Christmas separate. Besides, there's that whole Advent thing. But I'm blue, and I don't think it comes just from being sick for over a week. I want to start decorating now, and I want to decorate to the hilt. I want to replace emptiness with stuff. Yeah, yeah, I know. But I'm just out of ideas. What I'd really like to do is take a break and go someplace unique.

Someplace out of the ordinary.

See new things.

Everything just seems so dreary and pointless.

I'm Still Alive...Sort Of

It's been a surreal week. DH and I both have had some sort of knock-you-down-and-step-on-you virus for the past few days. However, I have taken this time to do some thinking and come up with some very important conclusions, such as life is not worth living and I will never do anything else in my life that I have wanted to accomplish. I'm also a bad parent, and my children will grow up to hate me. If you look carefully, you will see a rain cloud above my head.

Safely Through Another Week

It was a very Gloomy Sort of Day. (The Scientist has been re-reading Winnie the Pooh.) It was weird to have a thunderstorm the night before, in November! But my husband finished some things today that really needed to be done out in the garage, and I got a few things accomplished myself that have been eluding me for a while. The Scientist and Wildchild were very excited to help Papa out in the garage. I joke with DH that I thought we had girls instead of boys! Wildchild does have her girly side, such as loving jewelry and pretty dresses. Ironically, she is allergic to nickel, so she can only wear real gold jewelry. The Scientist, however, decided very early on that she identified with her beloved Papa, and there was a time that she didn't want anything to do with things that were "too girly." Fortunately, she has come to terms with the fact that she is, indeed, a girl. :)

I suppose I'm just a pessimist. The week has not been fabulously fantastic, but we had a good routine in school and work, and it just seems too good to last!

Strangeness

I'm glad the weather is gorgeous, because I can certainly use a mood-lifter. Lately, outside life (not physically outside, but out of my own little sphere) has just been a downer. Good thing I have a very vivid inner life. To heck with the real world! I suppose even evil geniuses need a break before they get back to their cunning plans.

That Does It...I'm Dropping Out

This is so true. I mean, I don't even have the friends anymore. Not that they were a big loss, either.

I'm So Jaded

Frankly, I'm ready to go live here. Not because I'm expecting all heck to break in this country anytime soon, but because being in situations with other people makes me wretched. My husband tells me that, like my Evil Genius moniker states: "Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world." Thing is, I've gotten so good at this expert control that even when I think my feelings are obvious to outsiders, I discover to my surprise that they weren't. I think I'm being totally out there, and instead I'm hiding behind a wall I've built up that I can't even see anymore. I'm a misunderstood social misfit, and I don't want to deal with the hurt anymore. No expectations, no disappointment.

I'm So Blue, I Don't Know What to Do

It was One of Those Days. We were all not feeling our best today, a combination of great stress, all the heat over the previous week, and not eating that well, an effect mostly of the heat! When I wasn't in a daze during the long, dark teatime of the soul, I was wondering what meaning life has, thinking I will be unhappy the rest of my life, you know. All that good angsty stuff one feels at three o'clock in the morning. Hope some of you had a better weekend!

Wilting

The heat is only part of why I'm feeling down. I have some things to work out that seem impossible to solve. I also have things to do that I don't feel up to doing.

My bright spot: there was a little celebration of my birthday at the party on Saturday hosted by Homestead Lutheran Academy and the Quipper. I got a lovely homemade card and there was a yummy cake. It especially meant a lot to me because I am currently not talking to the sister who shares my birthday. After getting the encouragement and support I needed I was finally able to break away from the family members who only hurt me. Even when they try to get in touch with me, it's never "We miss you." It's always "You need us." Well, I am slowly growing happier and having more self-confidence without them. But on occasions like my birthday it just feels a bit strange still. So I appreciated the gestures people made for me.

Farm Fields and Ball Fields

Dairy field trip was fine; that's about all I can say about it. Not to take away in the least from the effort put into planning it, just that there were some round-about things with this trip that made me emotional. My mood resembled a train car on Millennium Force. Did you know Cedar Point opens on May 6? :) Anyway, the girls had a good time, which is the main thing, and it was nice to talk to other moms for a bit. I already buy the milk and butter this dairy produces, so I didn't get anything today to take home. I didn't feel like dealing with taking pictures, either, so I'll just be lazy and direct you over to Marie's site. She and her daughter also attended this trip and Marie actually has some pictures up. It's a shame with all the warm days that we have had recently that it was cold for this trip, and even rained at the very end, but that's life in Greater Cleveland.

Hooray, I found the Indians game on the Buzzard! Tonight their normal station is covering the Cavs game instead. I used to be somewhat interested in the Cavs, I guess only because I was a big fan of Mark Price. Now I'm just glad a Cleveland team can do well! I think tonight would be a good night to putter in my sewing room and listen to the Indians game. I'm physically tired and mentally drained. Hope the Tribe can snap out of their problems tonight! I also hope I can snap out of my bad feelings, too.