She's Got Personality

It is fascinating to me to see, now that my two girls are approaching maturity, how much of their characters they have retained even from babyhood. I won't give too many details, to protect the innocent (grin), but here's a few examples.

The Musician has always been extremely laid back. I like to think my good parenting helped with this, but she was an extremely easy baby to care for. The only times I ever remember her getting upset as a baby was making her do something that she didn't want to do. By this I mainly mean things like when I held her down while a dentist corrected her frenulum (she was tongue tied like her mommy.) Let her hang out and play with her toys, and she was fine. She also decided around the age of two, that she was not a girly-girl, and she still isn't.

The Dancer, on the other hand, has always been rather active. That's why I started her in gymnastics in the first place, to positively channel her energy. You might remember that her first nickname on my blog was Wild Child, and she has always deserved it. When she got a little older, she chose ballet for herself, and now she is taking three dance classes per week and assisting with another dance class, and loves it. She spends a lot of her time bouncing and dancing around the house.

I also love seeing bits of myself and Mr. BTEG in some of the things they do, things that seem more inherent to their natures rather than learned. I tried, for example, not to let my picky eating create bad food attitudes for the girls, and fortunately neither of them learned food dislikes from me. Sometimes I wonder if the nurture part of the whole nature/nurture balance consists mainly of teaching them polite manners and things like respect for others. Other than that, they really seem to have chosen their own courses. Of course, Mr. BTEG and I decided before they were born that we wanted to give them free reign, up to a certain point, to develop and express themselves. I know that sadly a child's personal growth can be messed up by such things as an overly strict or overly lenient parent.

Lastly, about the tongue-tied thing. I always thought, because it passed through my maternal grandfather all the way down to my daughter, that it had a strong genetic component. I only know of meeting one other person who was tongue-tied. I find that interesting. I did discover recently that Jeremy Brett, mainly of Sherlock Holmes fame here in the States, also reported himself as tongue-tied, although different sources seem to describe it differently. He was also bipolar and left-handed (they used a "hand double" during scenes where Sherlock was writing although he is shown during one episode boxing left-handed.) I would have loved to meet another tongue-tied, left-handed, bipolar person!

Being Free

You know what's scary? When you realize your children are going to go their own way, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Oh, you see signs that she is her own person even in babyhood. My daughters started showing some of their strong personal characteristics VERY early on. But when they are young, you can still coerce them into being polite, working on schoolwork, sitting quietly in church, (occasionally) cleaning their rooms. Eventually, though, you come to the Moment. Even as a mid-life crisis can hit you like a bolt from the blue, though you've known all along that eventually you will get old and die, so too can the thought that someday your kids will be on their own and can make some serious mistakes, be startling.

Of course, there are many things that can help influence a child's development. In this category are not only how you raise the child, but what examples you set. When looking at people whom I know personally who have made mistakes in their lives, I can see how seeds of negative behavior were sown by the actions of others who had significant influences in their lives at an early age.

In the end, though, everybody makes their own choices in life. Though it can be daunting to think of my daughters out on their own, in a way it is freeing to think that in the end they are responsible for decisions they make, even as I am responsible for what I have done, no matter the bad things I can point to in my past. It is freeing because none of us can be perfect as parents, or as significant people in a child's life. We should strive for the best, so that our children are not too burdened with a poor start. But our best influences fade before personal choice. The best we can do is pray for the young people in our lives to make positive decisions.

On Being Me

Even before Mr. BTEG and I had kids, I had plans to be "the cool mom." I wanted to be the mom all the kids liked, and I wanted to have the home where all the kids wanted to hang out. This has its advantages. You not only have a much clearer picture of what your own children are doing when they are doing things in your home, but you don't have to worry as much about what your kid's friends' parents are like, and what sorts of things they allow in their homes. Plus, I want my children to be able to confide in me, not another mom who appears "cool" but who may have ideas with which I do not agree. I wasn't eager to necessarily be the mom that other kids besides my own came to for advice. I do see worrying tendencies in some of the Equestrienne's friends, but that is a whole other post, if I write it.

After the party we had for the Dancer this past Saturday, however, I have finally become convinced that I do not have the personality to be "the cool mom." I dislike a lot of noise and commotion, and hate sensing that things are out of control, or at least that they are not going the way I had planned. The Dancer had a very nice party. The house was adequately clean ahead of time, the games and favors were planned out and prepared, and the refreshments were acceptable. However, at one point I went into our pantry and shut the door and took a little "time-out" because I was overwhelmed by the noise and exuberance. (Mr. BTEG was still there to supervise.) I also felt incapable at times of being in charge of the group of girls. This same problem has occurred when I have tried to be a teacher, or a Girl Scout leader. I don't feel capable of what I feel is the necessary "command" and firmness when dealing with a group of kids. You can do your own psychoanalysis of me as to why this is so. ;)

However, "knowing is half the battle." I've spent a lot of time with a counselor in the past working on another part of the battle, learning not to think negatively or have distorted thought patterns about myself. So as I let go of being "the cool mom," I can still find ways that do suit me to support my children and their friendships. And make sure I always have back-up at parties!

Moody

The laptop I use for my online needs finally died on Monday after lots of problems. So after a little time shopping I am set up with a new netbook. I miss the big screen of a full size laptop a little, but the netbook looks like it will work well for me, plus it has a battery that will last longer than 20 minutes, thus not tying me to a cord constantly.

I'm feeling rather moody. Perhaps it is related to my bi-polar, although my mood swings are much easier to relate to the illness when they are more dramatic. Thank God, medicine keeps mood swings from going too far, generally. However, my counselor and I have been discussing something which I've been thinking hard about today. Can a person be friends with someone with whom they don't have a lot in common, or perhaps they completely disagree on a major issue or two? I have a difficult time doing this, but some people do seem able to accomplish it. And when I get in a certain mood, I feel like giving up on people all together and picking up my toys and going home. Not very productive to burn bridges, but sometimes my inner self urges me to do it. I've been able to stick to the more prudent option of keeping bridges intact so far, but this whole people thing just confuses me sometimes.

A Cinderella Story Is Always Nice

but I love this quote: When will our culture stop judging others by their looks, age and social status and begin to see the beauty, goodness and unique talent in each one of us?

Go here to see an incredibly talented person.

Like, Totally Cool

I just, like, wanted to share this picture of my youngest daughter, henceforth to be known on this blog as WildChild. She put the whole outfit together herself, including hairdo, when she got dressed in the morning. I had to take a picture as I found it reminiscent of that golden era of the 80's. Anyone else think so? Anyone? Buehler? Buehler?

Today was the first humid and "sticky" day this year, and I ended up spending a good bit of the afternoon feeling dizzy and nauseous. Still, there were some good things today. My eldest daughter, henceforth to be known on this blog as the Scientist, had Latin class. That was enjoyable as usual. Discussion ranged from the history of the Cymry to the Punic Wars. We did miss the regular presence of some of the members of the Homestead Lutheran Academy, who only arrived at the very end due to other obligations.

The girls also got to spend time with some of their other friends, and I got to spend time with a mom friend (yay!) and lunch with the whole gang and my husband at my husband's place of employ, which has a kickin' cafeteria. Then we came home and WildChild and I had NailPolishPalooza with our new nail polish I just got today. For all that she is a bundle of energy, activity and mischief (hence the nickname WildChild) she is also very much a girly-girl. I enjoy sharing this with her, as I am a girly-girl as well. It's interesting to see how so many of my husband's and my traits, personality quirks and yes, flaws, are coming out in our children, in so many different ways. It's like our traits were put together in a jar, shaken up, and distributed randomly to our daughters! Well, one of the joys of being a parent is discovering the personality behind that cute baby face!