Parenthood

I may have made an important discovery. I think a medication I was taking temporarily has contributed to my *extreme* tiredness. I'm hoping this will turn out to be the case. There's so much I want to do in real life, things I want to discuss here on my blog, and I hate being too tired to do anything but the very basics.

I've been thinking a lot about raising children, as I drive my two daughters to and from and all over town. What I see as an important thing for my child to do, or be, or know, may not matter a great deal to another parent, even one that shares many of the same religious and political values I do. In my case, some of the things I want for my daughters are things I feel I lacked while growing up. I imagine this applies to all parents, but it's still interesting noting it in myself. There are of course all the cliches, like a mother wanting her daughter to be Homecoming Queen just like she was, or a father wanting his son to be the star quarterback because the father always rode the bench. I'm trying not to relive my teen years through my daughters nor try to make them fulfill dreams that I couldn't. What I want to do is spot places where I was "weak" and make sure my daughters get a little more support in those areas. Ultimately my parenting will be imperfect, like everything else I do. But I want my daughters to think I did a good job.

Children and Church

I saw a sign yesterday at a local megachurch that happens to run a daycare. The sign was advertising a reduced rate at the daycare for employees of the hospital directly across the street. I disliked it. Let me tell you first a bit about my feelings about churches and daycare. It is true that the Christian church has a long record of providing all sorts of aid. I'm not an expert on medieval history, but a lot of this help seemed to come from monasteries, from priests and nuns who made it their vocation to live to serve others for the glory of God. Nowadays, everything seems to be a "ministry." In my view, doing things for people in the hope that some of God will rub off on them in some way. This includes daycare at some churches.

If a church-going person feels called to help out a fellow church member, neighbor or family member with childcare, that's one thing. However, I'm not sure a church should be directly running a daycare, anymore than they should be directly running a soup kitchen, a hospital or a homeless shelter. The church is the Church. It is there to give Word and Sacrament. Individual Christians are supposed to help others in need. I also dislike seeing a church daycare being run as a straight-up business, instead of just helping those who need help. This includes running a discount program as an incentive to sign your kid up there. I'm sure some of the people who work at the hospital do so because they can't afford not to work. As always, there are of course other people who work for the extra clothes, fancy house, vacations, etc. The Church should support the family, and that means encouraging a parent be at home when possible.

I'm not sure how I feel about church schools. It is my understanding that church schools started in the Catholic church because of anti-Catholicism. Lutheran schools were started in the age before homeschooling vs. public school, and I believe were started to give Lutheran students some catechesis as well as the education they would have received at a public school. I don't see anything wrong with that, since the children are presumably mostly children of church members and the church is proclaiming God's Word to them. Obviously however, a school is not a requirement, nor something that should take resources from the church that are needed elsewhere.

Now We See the Violence Inherent in the System

Did you think over-aggressive Muslims were the only ones that wanted to blow you up? Well, think that no more, because now devotees to AGW, or climate change, or "Hey look, there's a cloud in the sky," now wish to explode you as well. At least, however, they've given you a head start by letting you know that if you don't reduce your "carbon emissions" by 10%, you're going to get blown up and leave nasty spatter everywhere. And it'll be funny. Or something.

Be True to Your School

Too tired tonight to do a serious post, so I'll just talk a bit further about the American high school experience, as this week is Homecoming week at my daughter's high school. Tomorrow is Hogwarts Day; every class is assigned their own house. Freshmen are Hufflepuff; the Musician is wearing black and yellow and planning to speak with a British accent all day! Tomorrow night is a bonfire at the high school; the band is playing so the Musician has to be there, but I'm sure she'll enjoy it. Friday at school is of course Spirit Day, when the school colors are worn. Friday night is the big Homecoming football game, then Saturday is the Homecoming parade. Crazy busy, but will be very fun!

Botox Never Dies

I had to report on this story from The Blaze, since I talked about this ridiculous plan for young people's health care in a previous post. What kind of parents tell their children to take their time following their dreams? If a dream is worth doing, it is worth doing as soon as possible, not just dreaming about it. For that matter, what it is a young adult supposed to be doing if they do have to work for a while towards their dreams, that they still need their parents to provide health care? And if a young adult can't provide his own health care, does that mean Mom and Dad also have to provide food, housing and clothing? I'm sorry; I'm going to raise my children to be better than that, thankyouverymuch.

On a side note, as one of Beck's commenters said, if Ms. Botox doesn't like pledges, does that mean she doesn't pledge to protect and uphold the Constitution? Does her word mean anything?

A Slice of America

One of my college professors, an immigrant from Germany, said that she didn't completely understand American culture because she hadn't gone to an American high school. That may or may not be true, but as I attend high school football games with an adult eye, I realize how much of it is uniquely American. Now, American football is played in places outside of the United States. As a matter of fact, a team from Canada came down to our area to play earlier this month. Of course, the article shows that there is still a difference in popularity between football here, and anywhere else.

Are high school age level marching bands a mainly American thing? I did a little searching on the internet and couldn't find much on foreign marchers. I have read that teenage sports can be taken as seriously in other countries as high school athletics here. However, is there that "Friday night lights" feel? The cheerleaders, the marching bands, Homecoming, the age level of spectators--from octogenarians to toddlers? Do school boosters have concession stands, serving local versions of our pizza, hot dogs and popcorn? Do other countries have similar jock/cheerleader stereotypes?

I am having fun attending all these high school games. I'm also finding I enjoy watching football at the high school level.

Tell Us What You Really Feel

Ohio Tea Partiers, if you weren't sure before, now you can know exactly what the Ohio Democratic party thinks of you, straight from the mouth of the Ohio Democratic Chairman. You know, back in the old days, when the economy was good, your kids didn't have to be on your health care program well past the age of majority. They could go out and, you know, get jobs that provided health care insurance. Or pay for it themselves. Or go without. No, I'm not thankful you're "giving" me things I don't want, and worse yet, making me pay for other people's little pweciouses. I will show you how I feel about you and your party in November.

h/t Ace of Spades

A Parody

There's a hundred and eighty days of school attendance,
Summer comes along just to end it.
So the annual problem for our generation,
Is finding a good way to spend it.

Like maybe ...
Buying some groceries,
Or fighting in traffic,
Or climbing up the laundry tower.

Discovering dust bunnies under the bed,
Bunnies: Hey!
Or giving the dog a shower.
Surfing the internet,
Creating some dinner,
Or locating our missing brain.
Mom: It's gone forever!

Finding a lost sock,
Painting the bathroom,
While trying not to go insane.
Kids: Mooooooom!

As you can see,
There's a whole lot of stuff to do before the kids come home this fall.
Kids: Mom, we're home!
So stick with us,
'Cause busy moms can never do it all!

So stick with us,
'Cause busy moms can never do it all!

Kids: Dad! Mom's been home alone too long!

High School Bands

The Musician took part in an event called Band-O-Rama last night. Six Ohio high school bands, including hers, performed at our high school. Let me get the awful part out of the way, which is that there was a freak accident last night and a young man was taken away in an ambulance. I'm going to try to find out how things went this week; I really hope he's okay. Don't want to post too many details online.

So, on to the fun part. It was interesting seeing all the different approaches the bands took. Team F danced into the stadium, with their band director dancing beside them. They also had a colored red light in their sousaphones, red being one of their school colors. Sousaphones, let it be known, are the slightly smaller version of a tuba, and are usually used in marching bands. Tubas wrap around the waist and not the shoulder and are generally used whilst sitting down.

Team S had 287 band members!!! That's almost 3/4 of the entire population of my high school alma mater when I graduated. It took 12 buses to haul them and their instruments into town. Their trombone section did a "suicide line" at the beginning of their program. A suicide line is when a player alternately bends forward, and swings his instrument over his neighbor who is bending forward. Someone in the stands behind us kept commenting how their band must have so much more money, since there are so many more band boosters, etc. Yeah, and they also have more members to fund, costume and transport.

Team A had an electric guitarist as part of their band. They also did a four-season musical theme, with their color guard using a seasonal flag for each song. Alas, the only two songs I can remember are "Summertime" and "Hazy Shade of Winter."

Team E was absolutely the most fun. They also did a catchy dance routine coming into the stadium, and they did a fun little moment in the middle of one of their songs, where they put down their instruments and played leapfrog, pantomimed cat fights and fist fights, and some of the drum guys in the back even threw around a football. They also did a little act at the beginning of one of their songs where some of the band members were pushing and shuffling around like they didn't know where to stand. Their last song even ended with a field full of smoke, from what looked like fire extinguishers but I can only assume were some kind of safer smoke propellant. However, the Musician did think that their performance of Seven Nation Army was not as good as her band does. This is a whole other band in the video, although coincidentally also a local one.

So speaking of the Musician's band, they performed last, as the home band. Their band director is very stiff and formal. No dancing, no smoke, no goofy routines. They were also the only ones that performed several pieces outside of the general pop and rock genre. Their theme this year is "La Nouba," featuring songs from Cirque du Soleil. They played three songs from "La Nouba," and also Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." They had, I believe, the largest color guard, and their baton twirlers had the fanciest costumes. The baton twirlers' costumes were a step up from their normal ones, however, and seem to be only for competition type events. The color guard and baton team also did a nifty number where large balls made out of six hoops were brought out onto the field. These balls were pulled apart to form hula hoops, which the dancers than tossed around the field. They were very good musically, and the dancers fun to watch.

Hate You Can Believe In

So the First Lady supposedly hates her current position. You can believe this or not, of course. Ms. Bruni is not all sweetness and light herself, it is said. Plus why would Michelle say something so damaging to someone with whom, by many reports, she does not get along?

The sad thing is, Michelle acts like she hates her current position. The constant scowling, the talking on a cell phone while walking up to where our citizens lost their lives on September 11, 2001, in Pennsylvania, the being proud of her country for the first time in her adult life. There is even starting to be discussion that she is intentionally wearing bad outfits and making all sorts of gaffes as some sort of passive-aggressive move, because she is so unhappy. Honestly, when she is being compared unfavorably to Liberace, the Grimace, and drag queens, you'd think someone around her would figure out what was going on. Unless she just doesn't listen to anyone who isn't fawning over her. It's all very interesting speculation. I just wish it wasn't being made about someone who is supposed to be representing us as a country.

We're on the Road to Nowhere

Okay, so this doesn't actually concern roads, but this "stimulus" deal has mostly been used on roadwork, for what it's been worth. And heck, right now it feels like our country is on the road to nowhere! Anyway, I happened to drive by this site where there is an expensive stimulus sign, and... absolutely nothing happening. Not shovel-ready, is it?

Never Gonna Give You Up

Due to the incredible pop culture movement that is rickrolling, Rick Astley has returned to the music scene!

This, after rickrolling the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

XKCD also caught rickrolling fever.

H/T: Ace of Spades

Communication

Not only do we access our daughters' grades, homework and other notes online, the "newest thing" among our daughters' teachers seems to be having blogs. Do you think time putting up homework assignments, updates on what the class is currently working on, and pictures, time well spent? It certainly can help give parents a handle on exactly what their child is learning.

The Whirlwind of Life

Life has not slowed down; it has instead gotten more hectic. I think I have been more tired in the last couple of days than I have been my entire life. Sure, in high school and college, I burned the candle at both ends often, but I was also a lot younger and so I think I bounced back more quickly. The past couple of days I was operating on auto-pilot, and not doing well when I had to go off-course. This caused a lot of laughter for those around me, especially when I ended up asking for scrambled pancakes at the IHOP yesterday.

Friday night was the first high school football game, and the Musician's first night in the marching band. The place was absolutely packed, on both sides, since the rival high school directly adjoins our town. I find it interesting the way they have the home team stands set up. One section was for season ticket holders (yes, seriously,) three sections were general admission, one section was for the high schoolers, and one section was for students at the middle school and intermediate school.

We saw quite a few people we knew. Our GP was there, our favorite phlebotomist (who is now a stay-at-home mom and who we called our vampire,) a young man who works at the local grocery store, and of course lots of teachers and students the girls know. Thursday night a young woman who taught the Musician's riding classes came to the marching band preview. She could very well have been in the crowd on Friday night, since the place was so full you couldn't see everyone.

Mr. BTEG worked one of the concession stands Friday night; the profits go to the band, and all band parents have to help with some of the fundraisers. Yes, fundraisers can be a pain. On the other hand, our band room is beautifully appointed, the uniforms are nice, and we don't have a pay-to-play system like some local schools do. Concessions did a booming business; they were pretty much out of everything by the time the game ended. Some other group was doing a Krispy Kreme fundraiser which also seemed very popular. I will have to find out where the donuts are next time!

This was my first Friday night football game! My high school had so little money at the time I attended that our football field did not have lights, so all games were on Saturday afternoon.

It seems to me that people give more readily when there is some sort of incentive. There was a Souper Bowl fundraiser for local food pantries that pitted the two schools competing against each other to see who could raise the most in money and nonperishable food donated. It did spectacularly well. Human nature, I suppose. Our side won the fundraiser, which is just as well, as the football team played poorly and lost the actual game. :)

Tired

I have a post brewing, but at the moment I am tuckered out. The Musician is in marching band and had Band Camp this week, so I drove her to and from the high school twice a day, in addition to dropping off and picking up my husband at the bus stop. Then there was an Ice Cream Social for the band tonight, in addition to getting all the parents to sign up for stuff.

We're seriously getting into that time of our lives when we're going to spend our time driving our girls around to activities. We may as well enjoy it, because I'm sure it will speed right by. Mr. BTEG is already working concessions at the high school football game next week. Let the fun begin!

Dear Nancy Pelosi

I oppose an Islamic worship center, under whatever name, being built in that particular location in New York City. To make it easier when you investigate me, I am eagerly awaiting my big check from Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated any day now. Now get out of this country, you traitorous, Botoxed hag.

Yes, That's a Cute Dog...

In my continued and determined quest to find us someplace to live, I looked over pictures of a condo which is currently priced too high for us, but I was curious to see what you were getting for the asking price. One of the pictures in the listing is a picture of the owner's dog. It's a cute little dog, to be sure, but unless it comes with the condo, I don't quite see the point. Is this like having fresh-baked cookies on the counter when you tour the house?

Also pictured was one of... the floor. Just the floor. Yes, it's a slate floor. Do we need a picture of it to revel in its wonderfulness? Slate floor is listed in the description. You can marvel at its beauty when you take the house tour.

For that matter, I think with the poor economy, interest in things like slate floors and stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops is going to go way down. We currently have stainless steel appliances; I hate them but they came with the house. They are hard to keep clean. I don't know about slate floors, but granite counter tops are apparently also notoriously hard to keep nice. The place we're currently most interested in has granite counter tops; I'm interested in spite of that. As a matter of fact, there are rust-like stains on the counter top around the sink. So why have all these poncy features that jack up the price of the house but add no true value, and may add more work? When the economy was rocking, maybe, but not now.

This house hunting is frustrating, but I'm certainly getting an education!

The Things You See When You're Looking

House hunting has brought out some interesting things that make me go "Hmm." For example, the people describing their listed home as a bungalow. I was pretty sure I knew what a bungalow was, but I went and looked around on the internet a bit to update my knowledge. The only thing I had wrong is that the bungalow terms I saw described them as one or one-and-a-half stories. Although I did see pictures that looked like they were two stories. Still, I had the general idea right. A long, sloping front roof, with a porch at the front of the house. Long lines. What today would be called an open floor plan. Built-in cabinets.

However, when I see somebody list their house as a bungalow, I'm pretty sure by now what I'll see, and it's not a bungalow. It's more akin to what I would describe as a cottage. No front porch. No long lines. No built-ins. Just a small square house. People also seem to have forgotten the description of Cape Cod, a cottage with an extra bedroom or two on the second floor. Even realtors are not immune to not knowing how to describe a house properly, and it's their job, for goodness' sake!

I'm also seeing a huge difference in prices asked for homes. For example, two condos are listed in the same condo development. One is an end unit, with a basement. One is a middle unit, with no basement. Same number of bedrooms and baths. Yet the one without a basement is asking $500 more to rent! The only guess Mr. BTEG and I have is that those whose asking price is high either did not put enough down initially, or took out an extra loan on their property. Still, when housing prices have dropped dramatically, it's difficult to ask someone else to make up for your shortfall, when there are lower priced homes that are about equal. Of course, this also belies the idea that a drop in house values automatically translates into lower prices for the renter. People who bought high, or did something else like I described, may still be trying to make up the difference on their homes. It doesn't mean they'll get it, but it's one less home out there to interest you.

Oh, and if your home is "just listed," your realtor really ought to have a picture up that doesn't show snow on the front lawn. That just screams, "We tried to sell the house earlier this year, and didn't get any takers." Which in turn smells of desperation.

The Modern Church

Incense kicks off people's asthma (among them, my husband.) Recovering alcoholics would like grape juice instead of wine for the Eucharist. Others need gluten-free wafers for the host. Me, I have OCD, and as I have said before, using the common cup for the Eucharist, for me, is liking kissing everyone in church on the mouth. Fortunately, our church allows dipping the host in the cup. I see the arguments for a common cup, but I personally wouldn't mind individual being an option, because of my own frailties. Obviously things that affect health are more important than OCD.

Where am I going with this? Just thinking how many things are happening in the life of the church that St. Paul and Luther and probably even Walther would never have dreamed of. I wonder what kind of human idiosyncrasies affected the church in their days?

Look at It This Way

I'm kind of glad I have a good excuse not to run for public office. Being mentally ill is a huge negative factor that I don't think I could overcome. Not to mention I think the added stress would push me over the edge. So I wouldn't want to overcome it.

Of course, being unhappy with the current state of politics from every politician at just about every level, I feel like I ought to being doing something to represent my ideas. Maybe if my life ever settles down in other ways (yeah, I know) I might at least get involved with helping local politicians whom I support. Who knows?

Self Improvement

In conjunction with my previous post, I am on a quest to shake up my life a little. I get this way periodically. This time, it's because Mr. Evil Genius was ill for so long, and since then we have been going through a period of not much cash flow. Plus just when Mr. Evil Genius got a new job and things were looking up, we found that we have to move. That was a serious blow which took me a while to overcome.

I will also bring up here, that though my bipolar medicine has done a good job of taking out the bad parts, or the bottom of my moods, it also seems to have taken out the top part of my moods as well. Was the most active and productive part of me the manic part? Can I achieve without that high? Time will tell.

I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to tackle life head-on again, instead of just going through the motions. I hope it will last, even if where we end up moving is not ideal. I miss the old me.

Awkward Me

I'd like to make more friends, especially friends nearby. While online friends are great, real-life friends are nice also. I went out to lunch a few weeks ago with an old friend. We attended college together, and later on we worked at the same place and even lived in the same apartment development. Unfortunately, we live a couple of hours apart, so getting together is not an easy task, especially since she works full-time. But it was so much fun, and so rejuvenating, that I think it would be good for me if I could get together with friends often.

The big problem is how to meet people. The easiest way seems to be to join organizations. The problem (and of course there always is one) is that I dislike organizations! Or maybe I have never been in one I enjoyed enough. I generally don't like outside influences on my time, like appointments or set meeting dates. I also don't work well in large group settings. Is it a matter of leaving my "comfort zone" or is this just the way I am? I think the large group thing absolutely relates to my introversion. I find it hard to put myself out there to get noticed. But if I found some group where I really enjoyed the activities and the people, my other issues might not be a big deal.

I'm going to at least try the Parent/Teacher's Association this year. Last year, we didn't even move into the area until just after the girls had started school, and we didn't know until the last minute where we would even be moving to. With all the unpacking and stress, I was not interested in joining anything. This year, we're moving again, which I never would have expected, but the girls are staying in the same schools, so that uncertainty is gone. Once the stress of having to leave this house, which I had really come to feel at home in, is better, perhaps I will have the interest and energy to find more places to meet people.

Gifts

Do you ever feel that you have certain talents that you don't use? When I was in college, I loved studying foreign languages, German and Spanish in particular, and was fairly good at them. I also enjoyed the smattering of Hungarian I picked up from a Hungarian friend. I was sure I had been given these gifts for a purpose, to make use of them in my future. Unlike Miss Kate, I don't have the gifts necessary to make a good teacher, so I gave up on that idea, but I still felt somehow something would come out of my abilities.

Well, here I am twenty years later, and I use a small bit of German when I talk with a friend who originated from Bavaria. I've started to pick back up on the Spanish since the Musician started it this past school year. Of course, after three years of Latin, Spanish was fairly easy-peasy for her. She'll actually be in Honors Spanish at the high school this year.

Of course, my German was extremely valuable when I visited relatives during a ten-week college trip to Germany and Austria. I spent a few days around Christmas with my mother's first cousin, her husband, children and grandchildren. Only one of the grandchildren spoke much English, and I didn't bunk at his apartment.

My Spanish brightened someone's day at a food trailer during that same trip to Germany. I can only assume this guy was a migrant worker from Spain who had come to Germany for opportunity, and he was buying something at the trailer. I don't know how I picked up that the guy was from Spain, probably something the food trailer guy said. They seemed to know each other. So I spoke to him in Spanish, and the man seemed thrilled with this little touch of "home." I can still remember him exclaiming excitedly to the man behind the counter, "She speaks Spanish!"

And I had a fun time on that same trip when the future Mr. Evil Genius and I ate dinner one night at a Spanish restaurant. The menu was dual German/Spanish, and I ordered in Spanish. The waiter began his very own version of Germish, along the lines of, "Gracias, Fraulein." Poor Mr. Evil Genius was very lost.

Who knows what the future holds? I'd definitely have to brush up on my foreign languages if I was to make use of them again in the future. In the meantime, I sometimes wonder, "Why?"

Feelin' the Love

Staring at a blank screen is about as bad as staring at a blank sheet of paper. :) There is a lot going on, but not much of it is good. Oddly enough, though, when I think about all the things that are going wrong, I then somehow realize how much good is out there. Lots of prayers and support for friends who are facing illness and other difficulties. Economics forcing us to look at what is really important, both in our family life and in our church life. The ability to reach out to friends online, and have a dozen friends answer back with support within minutes. The ability to be aware easily of what's going on in the world that might effect us. As Red Green says, "We're all in this together." Or as my pastor says, "This is why we keep our eye on the goal, it soothes the pain of the present. St. Paul says: I consider the present sufferings not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us."

Being Free

You know what's scary? When you realize your children are going to go their own way, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Oh, you see signs that she is her own person even in babyhood. My daughters started showing some of their strong personal characteristics VERY early on. But when they are young, you can still coerce them into being polite, working on schoolwork, sitting quietly in church, (occasionally) cleaning their rooms. Eventually, though, you come to the Moment. Even as a mid-life crisis can hit you like a bolt from the blue, though you've known all along that eventually you will get old and die, so too can the thought that someday your kids will be on their own and can make some serious mistakes, be startling.

Of course, there are many things that can help influence a child's development. In this category are not only how you raise the child, but what examples you set. When looking at people whom I know personally who have made mistakes in their lives, I can see how seeds of negative behavior were sown by the actions of others who had significant influences in their lives at an early age.

In the end, though, everybody makes their own choices in life. Though it can be daunting to think of my daughters out on their own, in a way it is freeing to think that in the end they are responsible for decisions they make, even as I am responsible for what I have done, no matter the bad things I can point to in my past. It is freeing because none of us can be perfect as parents, or as significant people in a child's life. We should strive for the best, so that our children are not too burdened with a poor start. But our best influences fade before personal choice. The best we can do is pray for the young people in our lives to make positive decisions.

My Day

Yesterday was my birthday! I'm honestly not fishing for birthday wishes, because I got enough yesterday on Facebook to turn anybody's head. But I wanted to mention that my new BTEG icon was a birthday gift from the Musician, as well as this picture:Wasn't that nice?

My younger sister (with whom I don't talk much) shares a birthday with me. It was kind of nice having this in common with my sister, but it also stunk not to have one's birthday to oneself, plus without the "specialness" of being a twin. It also made it more painful when my youngest sister started ignoring my birthday. It's not like she could forget it! However, that's years under the bridge, and I've learned that real family is the people who are there for you and who care for you, no matter whether there is a blood tie or not. Praise God for all of them!

House Hunting

The Musician has always been very sensitive to smells. For the longest time she couldn't even walk down the shampoo aisle or the laundry detergent aisle without getting ill, and of course she is very sensitive to what kind of shampoo and soap she uses, and what kind her sister uses since they share a bathroom. She once threw up when my sister with no sense of boundaries forced smelly hand lotion on her (one of the reasons I don't speak to my sister much.)

She must get it from me, because while house hunting I have been frustrated with how badly some of these houses smell to me because of some kind of air freshener or cleaner. As we were driving away from the last house we looked at, I remarked to Mr. BTEG how badly it smelled and he replied that he hadn't really noticed anything. So perhaps I am extra sensitive, but I would think a person would be careful about that sort of thing when trying to interest a prospective buyer or renter in a property. Easier said than done if you are not sensitive to it, I guess. Oh, and don't leave the dustpan on the stove. That squicked me out as well.

Given

First of all, the Equestrienne is now the Musician.

Secondly, the Musician just returned from a fantastic youth convention in Nashville, Tennessee, through a Lutheran group called Higher Things. The theme for this year was "Given." She not only had a great time with over a thousand other teenagers, but she worshiped, communed and learned more about what being Lutheran means. I'm so glad that she has this opportunity, and I wish something like it had been around when I was a teen. I'm also glad that my daughter takes her faith seriously and enjoys learning about it.

Mind's Eye

A commenter on my blog once noted that people are open about suffering from mental issues--when things are going well. It's true that it is difficult to share things with the outside world when one is in a chemical imbalance state of depression. Even without seeing pink elephants or purple spiders, you know when you are "off" and you don't want to scare people away. I have really been grappling with the issue of having to move, especially when we thought we were settled in where we were. The ground was pulled out from under our feet, and I spent a lot of time getting through the shock. Now I am putting a lot of energy into packing and finding a place to live that I would rather be putting into other areas, like relationships. Such is life, really. This too shall pass, and I hope we will come out better for it.

Improvement

I have been very lethargic and sluggish recently. I was starting to worry about myself. Was it depression due to our housing situation? Was it a result of my meds/mental situation? Well, the temperature has dropped and all of a sudden I am full of win again. It seems likely it was just the hot and humid weather bringing me down. We have not been running our air conditioning because of our financial setbacks earlier this year. Which is good overall, but apparently not so good for my physical state. At least I am feeling better about my overall state.

Television and Real Life

I am very tired of seeing ads for the new television show on TV Land called "Hot in Cleveland." I suppose we are supposed to favor it since it is ostensibly based on our town. To be honest, I haven't watched it. I don't watch much television in any case. I've just seen one clip, where the hot chicks from out of town are shocked and thrilled when one of their male escorts for the evening remarks something along the lines of, "Just cheese fries? You're a light eater." Not sure if that is a supposed to be a positive or negative towards Cleveland, but there certainly are different approaches to life and eating across the country.

A couple of years ago we hosted some friends and their daughter at our place. They both had lived in California for a number of years, but the wife had lived there far longer. For dinner, we served a roast and vegetables that had been thrown in with the roast. The dinner was enjoyed by all, but the wife commented that in California, they'd have been given something more along the lines of a salad. Ah well. I take C.S. Lewis' attitude that different locales can each appreciate the things they like best, as long as they refrain from attacking others' choices.

Summer Reading

"When I was your age, television was called books."

The Evil Genius family is a family of voracious readers. The Dancer is cruising her way through the Lemony Snickett series currently. The Equestrienne has been going back and reading old favorites, but she also has three assigned books for her freshman Honors English class that she has to read this summer: A Separate Peace, Night and A Raisin in the Sun. I need to buy them for her soon! I am glad to see she is reading more classic literature than she got in her 8th grade English class. I myself read the first two books for school as well. Night was assigned while we were studying in Germany, and I got to hear Elie Wiesel speak at Kent State University, although honestly I don't remember much of it! I remember I did evaluate the speech for the public speaking class I was taking that quarter.

Cheryl did a post a while ago which made me think back to all of the classics that I have read for fun or self-enrichment. I read The Picture of Dorian Gray, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Ivanhoe, All Quiet on the Western Front. I read translations of Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera after seeing the musicals. I have a tendency to do this; I read The Princess Bride and even 101 Dalmatians out of interest from the movies. Read The Neverending Story but haven't seen the whole movie. I'm sure once I end this post I will remember more classics I have read on my own.

I will have to come up with a new name for the Equestrienne, as she has lost interest in riding, at least for now. Can't come up with a better name than the High Schooler. Maybe I'll ask her for input.

Time Keeps Moving On

17 years ago today!

Think It Through

There is an organization at Values dot com that puts up billboards highlighting someone who has accomplished great things and encouraging others to do likewise with the words "Pass it on." The one I have seen most often around town is of a woman who fostered 100 children. Being a foster mom to needy kids is a great thing to do. However, the one I saw a couple times in Youngstown this weekend made me do a double take in my mind when I thought about it. It was a picture of Babe Ruth, with the phrase "From orphanage to Hall of Fame." Now, making the Baseball Hall of Fame is a special accomplishment. It puts you in the league of extraordinary athletes. However, was not Babe Ruth also a raging alcoholic and a womanizer? Is this another case of ignoring an athlete's troubled private life if he can perform on the field? Or is it a case where someone didn't think it through?

Consequences

I don't have any hard figures on eBay sales, but to my own scanning eye, it looks like a lot of things are not selling. I wonder if this is not due at least in part to higher postage costs. You can price your item at a garage sale price, but if it is fragile and/or big enough that it needs to go in a box, the price of shipping can be double or triple what is being asked as the selling price. Might as well haul the stuff down to Goodwill, I guess.

Changing Season

It feels like fall in northeast Ohio today. After some wonderfully warm and sunny days, there were a series of severe thunderstorms that passed through last night. Today, the sky is gray, the air cold, and the wind still strong. For me, a good day to stay inside and relax. For my family, a good day to go see Iron Man 2. Ah well. I wish there were more things we enjoyed doing as an entire family. Don't tell Laura, but I am not very big on movies! :O I am happy to have some quiet time, however.

Sickies

There is a cold going through the Evil Genius family. I am the one who currently has it, and I am at that stage where I am incredibly bored but don't feel up to doing anything. I'm also hoping I will get a better night's sleep than I did last night. For being sick, you'd think I would have slept like a log, but I didn't. I think I will go have some ice cream to soothe my sore throat. :)

P.S. What does it say about me that my blog has a label for ice cream? :)

Positive Notes

The first positive note is that Mr. BTEG has gotten a new job. I know it will take a while for things to settle out for us, but we are at least on the right path now.

The second positive thing was that we went geocaching on Sunday afternoon. It was a fun and free way to get out of the house, and we got some exercise to boot. The first cache we found is entitled "Gotta Go." It's in an interesting location; it looks like it was originally planned to be a street at one time. There is a level and graded area that is about street width, and the wooded lots on either side are about the size for a house. Each wooded side backs onto the houses on another residential street, so those houses have pretty nice back yards, at least unless they build there someday. One homeowner appears to have bought the back lot; it has no trees and is grassed over. Another homeowner may have purchased their back lot; there is a lot of brush cut down and they seem to burn it at times, judging by the rusty barrel in the middle of the back lot. But the most outstanding feature is the blue toilet sitting off to the side near the back. Thus the name of the cache.

We also saw six deer at the end of this "street," which ends in a large field. I guess the deer around here made it through the winter okay, judging by the amount I've seen.

The last puzzle we did was a puzzle cache, which started in a park right on Lake Erie, and ended across the street in another playground/park. We first took the chance to find a cache we had wanted to look for the previous time we were there, but there were too many people around. This time, we were able to not be so conspicuous. Part of the puzzle cache took us to the small old cemetery which is also right on the lake. The pictures I have are from the last time we were there.

Many of the stones are worn quite a bit by the weather, some to nothing but stubs. I hope the local historical society or someone else chronicled these grave stones before they became unreadable.



I thought this one was interesting, because the man died in 1816 at 82. That means he was born in 1734! Yes, I'm sure lots of people were. :) But it's still interesting to see an actual headstone from that time, and think of everything this person lived through.

The headstone included in the puzzle cache had a wife who died two days after her husband. That's how I want to go.

Cold Spell

Everything that the BTEG family has been through this year has affected me, and mostly not in very good ways. Still, I feel I have reasons, for example, to be more cynical. Things that I thought were there to help us were really just there to look at the bottom line. The world can be a very cold and unfriendly place, and I've seen a lot more of that lately than things in the world that are good. I've also learned more about some people's true characters. That's painful, but better in the long run than thinking someone cares about you when they don't. If it wasn't better for our daughters to be settled in a home and a school, I'd love to pull up stakes and strike out somewhere new. As it is, I'm going to have to adjust to how things have changed, both in how I relate to other people, and in myself. Perhaps some of this will change when I get back solidly on my meds and there is less stress in my life.

Might As Well

Since I haven't posted in quite a while, I might as well do a proud mom brag here as well as on Facebook. The Dancer's teacher called today to tell us how far the Dancer has come in school and that she is an excellent student. They also took a practice Ohio Achievement Test today and the Dancer did the best in the class. Of course, I'm also proud as her former teacher for five years too! I would like to do an "in your face" to my parents who didn't think I could homeschool. Since I can't do it in person, I'll just do it here, lol. And I didn't even accomplish as much as I wanted as a homeschool mom, since the girls really didn't enjoy it, not nearly as much as they like public school. I've said stuff like this before, but it's still wonderful to me how well they are doing fresh out of homeschool. In a few years, I'll probably just be bragging about them as students and not throw me into the mix as much. :)

How Do They Do It?

Looking on etsy to get ideas of stuff to possibly make and sell, I have to wonder how knit dishcloths can be sold for as low as $2.00. Even if you are a lightning fast knitter, that barely covers your yarn, much less your time.

The amount of items on sale at etsy is overwhelming. The etsy people really seem to have found a good niche for themselves, and for crafters. I find it funny that having spent a *lot* of time in doctors' offices lately, and seeing a lot of elderly people in said offices, that I am the only person I have seen knitting. Unless these people have troubles with their sight and/or hands. I dread that happening to me because I enjoy various crafts so much. I would like to be able to continue to do them, well, for the rest of my life, basically. Selfish of me. :)

Untitled

the night falls without a sound, cold and alone are we.
the understanding for which you pray
flares once, then dies,
swept away by the abyss.
all hope must die.

your heart desires no more.
how could you not understand?
our dark thoughts surround us, crying,
we are fallen.

http://www.deadlounge.com/poetry/

A Timely Lyric

In this life
Things are much harder than in the after world.
This life--
You're on your own.

Wonderland for the First Time

Due to the movie advertisements, the Dancer has actually begun reading the book, Alice in Wonderland. I'm glad she is reading this classic book, glad she reads for pleasure, glad that I put in all the work teaching her to read! I'm also happy in a special way that the book she is reading came from a book collection that we inherited from a dear friend. He was fond of our daughters and I think he would enjoy seeing her discover Wonderland for the first time.

The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

Sure, it's important to make sure disability claims are substantiated, and that people are really eligible for free medicine before you go shipping it out. But dragging it out for what seems like an interminable period is frustrating. My husband's reputable doctor has been more than happy to verify my husband's medical problems, and our income and insurance issues are easy to prove if you know with whom to check. And yet here we are waiting... waiting... waiting to get disability payments started up again, and to receive the medication that we simply can't afford. It's all a matter of paperwork and paper-pushing, and I suppose there is more work out there than people to do it.

I don't *necessarily* begrudge pharmaceutical companies big bucks for medication. I have no idea how many scientists spent how much time doing research to create this drug, not to mention the amount of testing it had to undergo. And companies only have a set amount of time to make back their investment before the drug goes generic and the price sinks. But when a drug costs almost a third of your rent for a month's supply, it's impossible to get on your own without insurance and/or a *good* income. In the meantime, I think the issues involved with the extended release version are wearing off. I slept most of this past weekend, but my energy and alertness are slowly returning.

Fortunately, we will be at least be picking up today a temporary free supply of another medication, which we found much easier to prove that I qualified for. I also think my doctor and his staff have been a great help with all the companies we've had to deal with, both the disability company and the pharmaceutical ones. And of course this work has essentially been done for "free." They just get our continued patronage as patients.

I feel almost afraid talking about all of this because I do not want to become a poster child for any kind of "health care reform" nonsense. I have my own ideas of what problems our health care faces and what solutions I would like to see. Please don't use me to make your points.

Keeping On

Wow, it's been a while since I posted. And absolutely nothing new has happened on the home front. Well, except that I am temporarily on an extended release version of one of my bipolar meds, and I'm afraid this med change is what led to me being rather depressed on Saturday. Been a while since I have been depressed like that. Looking back at it, I can tell it is different from normal feeling down or blue. Of course, it's hard to explain if you have never gone through it. I guess you could say it takes over your whole life. You don't feel like doing anything but lying in bed and crying.

The med change was an unfortunate result of the fact that, due to issues with getting temporary disability from Mr. BTEG's employer, we have no health insurance, and one bipolar med in particular is rather expensive. My primary physician is helping me out until we hopefully get some free pills from the pharmaceutical company. Mr. BTEG has also had to skip one of his infusions to slow down his immune system, and it is showing. BTW, when I said in my previous post that things could be straightened out in a day, I meant that things could work out in *as little* as a day. As it is, I hope things will come together by the end of this week. Otherwise we will start having serious issues to deal with.

Everything and Nothing

Right now, Mr. BTEG is having problems with his health that are affecting his job. He's not dying or anything, but he's having fatigue problems that haven't yet been fully explained. In the meantime, everything is up in the air. It's hard for me to take an interest in much of anything else while these issues are going on. Things can, and hopefully will, improve in a day or so, but in the meantime, I feel like we're in limbo. It's hard to complain, because we have every sign that things will improve, but until they actually do, there's a feeling of emptiness.

On Being Me

Even before Mr. BTEG and I had kids, I had plans to be "the cool mom." I wanted to be the mom all the kids liked, and I wanted to have the home where all the kids wanted to hang out. This has its advantages. You not only have a much clearer picture of what your own children are doing when they are doing things in your home, but you don't have to worry as much about what your kid's friends' parents are like, and what sorts of things they allow in their homes. Plus, I want my children to be able to confide in me, not another mom who appears "cool" but who may have ideas with which I do not agree. I wasn't eager to necessarily be the mom that other kids besides my own came to for advice. I do see worrying tendencies in some of the Equestrienne's friends, but that is a whole other post, if I write it.

After the party we had for the Dancer this past Saturday, however, I have finally become convinced that I do not have the personality to be "the cool mom." I dislike a lot of noise and commotion, and hate sensing that things are out of control, or at least that they are not going the way I had planned. The Dancer had a very nice party. The house was adequately clean ahead of time, the games and favors were planned out and prepared, and the refreshments were acceptable. However, at one point I went into our pantry and shut the door and took a little "time-out" because I was overwhelmed by the noise and exuberance. (Mr. BTEG was still there to supervise.) I also felt incapable at times of being in charge of the group of girls. This same problem has occurred when I have tried to be a teacher, or a Girl Scout leader. I don't feel capable of what I feel is the necessary "command" and firmness when dealing with a group of kids. You can do your own psychoanalysis of me as to why this is so. ;)

However, "knowing is half the battle." I've spent a lot of time with a counselor in the past working on another part of the battle, learning not to think negatively or have distorted thought patterns about myself. So as I let go of being "the cool mom," I can still find ways that do suit me to support my children and their friendships. And make sure I always have back-up at parties!

Follow the Story

I don't know exactly why this unfolding story here in Cleveland strikes me as interesting, except that it shows first impressions are not always the right ones. A house exploded in a Cleveland neighborhood, damaging almost 60 homes. At first, fingers were pointed at the gas company which came out to the building that exploded to turn off the gas a day or two prior. But things have gotten intriguing now that police have revealed that a next-door neighbor who complained about the empty building was convicted twice of arson in another state, and plead guilty once for burning down his house for the insurance money! He is currently being charged with deliberately creating the explosion in this home.

I also wonder what society does with people like this. I hope at least that if this man and his wife had insurance on their current abode, that the insurance company did a background check and was charging an exorbitant fee, although somehow I don't see it. There's no consolation for the many people whose homes suffered damage because of this man's alleged reckless action. I'm wondering if he shouldn't get prison time for life if found guilty. Why trust him again?

Birthday Girl

Today is the Dancer's birthday! This picture is from the days when she was taking gymnastics. After she was found climbing the refrigerator, one foot on either side of the handles, and because she was constantly climbing the shelves to get to the top of the pantry, I knew she needed some outlet for her energy. Later on, she decided she preferred to dance, and she has been ever since.

I'm still convinced she was turning somersaults in the womb, which caused her to move from her head down position, to sideways, thus necessitating a C-section.

Happy birthday, my sweet Dancer!

I've Got the Vapors

Okay, so if it's against regulations to have a gun in an NBA locker room, then the suspension two players received for bringing a gun in was correct. But does that mean people need to be so sensitive to every bit of language that can be used to describe gun use? Even if guns are not allowed in the locker room, the NBA acted to discourage this particular behavior, but that does not mean guns should not be allowed anywhere, ever. So why should language like "not leaving anything in the chamber" be so upsetting? Oooh, even talk about a gun gives us the vapors. Perhaps, just perhaps, people should receive gun training in high school or something so guns are not so "big and scary."

And In the Stupid File...

If you're sending out a mass advertising campaign for your fancy little private school, perhaps you should proofread your material better. Just sayin'.

ETA: Welcome Joanne Jacobs readers!

Born to Rule

That's the title of the book I'm reading right now. It's about five women who had two things in common: they were all reigning consorts, and they were all granddaughters of Queen Victoria. The author explores their childhood relationships with their grandmother, which were generally positive, and their enduring love for England and things English, even if they also learned to love their new homelands.

One of the sad things the book covers is that even though four of these women especially did grow to truly love the land of their reign, they were seen by many in their adopted countries as alien and perhaps even a threat to the welfare of the country. The book brings up something I'd never thought of; not only did many royals marry foreign princes and princesses because of the aspect of royalty marrying royalty, but in those times there was competition among the aristocratic families, for power. Marrying into one specific noble house and giving that family extra influence in court was not a wise idea

Despite their wealth and position, you end up feeling sorry for all of these women. Three of them were cheated on, four saw their thrones lost, the Empress Alexandra and her immediate family were of course eventually assassinated, and all of them for their supposed power as queen/empress really lived very constricted lives. Do you see this as a trade-off for the privileges they did enjoy?

Sad Realities

The Dancer has wanted a pet bunny for years. She has absolutely loved bunnies ever since she was a wee little thing. However, now that she is old enough to deal with the work having this pet would entail, she is torn. Having gone through the pain of losing two of our family pet cats and her sister's two hamsters, she is hesitant to get a beloved animal, only to lose it some years down the road. I feel sad that she has gone through the heartache of losing pets, even though it is part of the realities of life. I suppose someone who has never had a pet wouldn't understand, but it truly was hard looking at the lifeless form of a dear pet and realizing our time of companionship together was over. I still hope she makes the decision to bring another pet into her life to love.

Getting Personal

Everyone has regrets. I think mine are mostly related to things that I said and did before I knew I was bipolar. Thank God that my most important relationships are strong, that I was diagnosed in time for me to be able to make improvements in my moods and stability.

I'm pretty sure my father is bipolar also, but he's in his seventies and I doubt would ever admit he needed help. Ironically, his current wife is a nurse. I think of all the bridges my father burned in his lifetime, including with me, and wonder if things could have been different if he had been diagnosed and agreed to take medication. It's amazing how once you have some information a lot of pieces seem to fit into place.

I really can't know for sure, but I think my father's father was bipolar also. I know he was an alcoholic which was a way of self-medication back then when help was not so readily available. Who knows how long the curse of mental illness has been dogging my family? I thank God for bringing me out of the depths and pray He preserves me and those I love.

Over My Head

The Evil Genius family picked up a few magazine subscriptions when the girls were selling them in the fall to raise money for their schools. I just got my first issue of Threads the other day, and boy, do I feel out of my league. Not that I thought I was a couture artist or anything, but it's something else to see it all laid out in a glossy magazine. Of course, for me there are not only the skills required to overcome, but the expense. I can't afford couture materials at this time any more than I have the skills to do couture sewing. Nor do I have a couture figure. :D One of the reasons I like sewing for dolls is that I can dress them much nicer than I do myself.

I also was reminded of a weird lack of faculty I have as a sewer. I can't picture sewing directions in my head. When I read that you need to do A, B and C, I have to sit down and carefully puzzle my way through them with the materials. I can't work it out in my mind.

I do wonder if I could take my sewing up to another level, just as I wonder whether I will ever have the knitting skills to sew an entire sweater, or even a pair of socks. I mean, just because you can master the basics, doesn't mean you can do advanced level things, right?? I know I'd be cheating myself if I didn't at least try to take on more advanced projects, if I really want to do them. But it can feel intimidating!

Loving to Learn

The Equestrienne starts high school next year. It will be a big milestone for our family! They are already doing class planning at the middle school for next year. I wish I had had as many class options as the Equestrienne does. I attended a small parochial high school and the classes were mostly very basic college prep. I was prepared for college courses, so my schooling was not inferior; we just didn't have nearly as many options as they do in this large suburban high school. I find myself wishing that I had attended public school. The public schools in the town I grew up in were and are very well thought of academically, and I know they had more to offer even back in my high school days.

I've always seen school as not only for creating a foundation of learning for life, but also as preparatory for earning a living. That's why I'm glad for more than one reason that the Equestrienne will be able to take classes such as photography or fashion. She can be exposed to a lot of different things that may lead to a career or just an activity to enjoy.

I'm also interested to see what honors classes, if any, the Equestrienne will be able to get into. Right now, college is a necessity for her career goals, so I'd like to see her get as many advantages in her high school years as possible.

I've sometimes thought I'd like to take classes, at the undergraduate level. That will have to wait, if it happens, until my girls are fairly launched on their own. Of course there are many ways to learn outside of a school, so I can still pursue my interests! Especially now that the girls are in school during the day.

A Little Gripe

I'm tired. Physically. All I want to do is rest and sleep. Yesterday when I was preparing dinner, I dropped a glass and then a bottle of spaghetti sauce. The bottle was plastic, but the plastic lid cracked and the sauce made a big mess. At least the glass broke in fairly big pieces. I'm hoping the simple answer to my issues is that my cold is still wearing me down, despite being on antibiotics for a week. I still do have some symptoms, like coughing and laryngitis. It's a little scary that a cold could still be hanging in there, but we don't need anybody else with complicated sleep issues in the family. We have discovered that Mr. BTEG has moderate apnea, but that doesn't account for all his issues, so it's off to more doctors. We are a family of health problems, but I can always thank God that it is not worse.

Watching a Train Wreck

While I don't hide from bad news, I don't like to talk about it very much. I've never been a huge optimist, but neither do I want to dwell on the negative. However, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what changes to the tax code for increasing government run programs will mean, not only for me and my family, but for those who we help support financially. The first things to go would be our daughters' extra-curricular activities, dance and horseback riding. However, there's the sticky problem that while these activities are a nice bonus for us, for the women who teach these classes, it is their livelihood. Going one step further, if enough families could no longer afford such classes, not only would the dance teacher be out of a job, but the building she rents would be empty and no longer bringing in income for the landlord. If enough young people could not take horse riding lessons, not only would the family that lives on the property have a hard time paying the taxes, and possibly a mortgage, on it, but they'd have a stable full of horses that would be difficult to care for.

On the other side, for higher taxes for mandated health care, what is gained from it? Anecdotally, I've read tens of stories where doctors plan on getting out of their chosen profession if government-run health care comes to pass. Since this has happened in other places where government health care became the only option, I can well believe them. So what would our money, which is now helping to provide jobs and tax and rental income to the economy, provide? Not more jobs, if there are likely to be fewer doctors. Not much of any sort of contribution to the economy. Just more money for bureaucracy. How sad and scary that the government could have such control over all our lives.

Life in 2010

Yesterday the house was full as my in-laws came in from Youngstown. Fortunately, they brought all the food, including a pork roast, kielbasa and sauerkraut. I really wasn't prepared to do a lot of cooking. My sister-in-law covets my kitchen. I'm rather fond of it myself.


I've become rather attached to this house. It's ending up, though, that the main living of the house is being done down the basement, while I prefer to stay upstairs and soak up as much natural light as possible. I guess we'll still have to work things out. On the other hand, the treadmill is downstairs, and I used it today! Not for very long, but it's a good start. This treadmill seems odd, though. Like it was made for running. The very slowest setting is about the fastest I can keep up with it. Well, it's worth every penny we paid for it! :)

Goodbye Old, Hello New

We survived Christmas and even managed to drag ourselves over to our friends' house for dinner after church. We then proceeded to sleep the next two days. At last the girls and I got ourselves to the doctor's a couple of days ago for antibiotics and cough syrup. The Equestrienne and I are also treating pink eye. I will definitely do my best to avoid getting sick the rest of the winter season.

Christmas was enjoyable, just tiring. It was fun watching the girls open their gifts. Church was great, as always.

Once again, I have made several New Year's resolutions. Since I have been sick I have lost ten pounds. One thing I would like to do is keep that off and get rid of more weight. There is a treadmill in the garage that needs to be down the basement. Mr. BTEG has had too many health issues of his own to move it. Maybe my brothers-in-law can help with it when my in-laws come over tomorrow. My sisters-in-law are bringing most of the food, which is a blessing since we are still resting a lot here at our house.

I didn't post nearly as much as I wanted to this year. 2008 was a very slow posting year due to being in the hospital and all the emotional difficulties before and after. I was hoping to do better in 2009. I can always hope 2010 will be better, at least partially because we are not crammed into a tiny living space anymore. I pray we have good health and also pray for good health and happiness for my readers. Blessed 2010!

I'll Be Sick for Christmas

All of us here in the Evil Genius house are fighting off a cold/flu bug. Not very festive, is it? I'm worried we may have to pass on celebrating Christmas outside our house. I'll be disappointed. Not to mention, the dirty dishes are piling up, the few remaining Christmas cards are not being mailed, the living room is full of scattered bows and wrapping paper, and all the carpets need vacuumed. Also our cupboard is starting to look pretty bare. Hope at least one of us is well enough to pull things together before Christmas Day.

How Long Before This Is Mandatory?

So they're offering a free gym membership and discounts on healthy food. Who's paying for this? Mr. BTEG's law of economics says that the end consumer always pays for everything. So I suspect in the end the long-suffering taxpayers of Cuyahoga County will be forced to pay the bill. If public, single-payer health care becomes law, I'm also wondering when stuff like this will become mandatory. You know, they force you to go into the gym three times a week, you get measured once a week, grocery stores are only allowed to stock "healthy" food. Welcome to the end of the world as we know it.

Saddened and Confused

I was reading a thread on German royals who were active in the Nazi movement and I had to quit fairly quickly in as I was so disgusted. Over and over, the theme was, "How could people be involved in something so horrible, like killing babies and innocent children?" This coming from people who are cool today with innocent unborn babies being ripped out of their mother's wombs. Who are probably okay with Planned Parenthood telling women that what's inside the uterus "isn't a baby" and that abortion is so much "safer" than childbirth. Well, Nazis were able to do the same sort of moral gymnastics when they killed off Jews and minorities. Never mind that minorities are disproportionally represented among abortion statistics today.

These are people who praise the Crown Prince and Princess of Germany for not hiding away their daughter with Down's Syndrome, while Down's Syndrome is becoming practically unseen today because so many unborn children diagnosed in the womb (it's not 100% accurate) are being aborted. And believe me, these people are not shy about their politics, so either they agree with these things or they're stupid; that is, the politicians they support are definitely not shy about utter and absolute support of abortion at all times. That princess would be lucky to be born today, forget about being hidden from the public. How do people manage these contortions with a straight face?

Give Me Something to Believe In

Silly me. I used to think people could be persuaded through facts. That you could provide evidence, and unless the opposite side could refute the evidence, their side would be proved wrong. Now I'm starting to see the world like C.S. Lewis' Wormwood: "At that time the humans still knew pretty well when a thing was proved and when it was not; and if it was proved they really believed it. They still connected thinking with doing and were prepared to alter their way of life as the result of a chain of reasoning. But what with the weekly press and other such weapons we have largely altered that. Your man has been accustomed, ever since he was a boy, to have a dozen incompatible philosophies dancing about together inside his head. He doesn't think of doctrines as primarily "true" of "false", but as "academic" or "practical", "outworn" or "contemporary", "conventional" or "ruthless". Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church. Don't waste time trying to make him think that materialism is true! Make him think it is strong, or stark, or courageous—that it is the philosophy of the future. That's the sort of thing he cares about."

There are those who are using "climate change" to obtain power. They can control how people live their lives and accumulate a tidy profit through "carbon credits" and so forth. They can tell everyone what is and what is not allowed (except for themselves, of course!) Our "betters" will still be tooling around in private planes and limos and munching on caviar when we are heating our homes with dung and scavenging for food. Why everyday people can't figure this out when it has actually happened already in Communist countries (that is, the ruling class gets everything while the vaunted "working class" gets nothing) is beyond me but then there's that whole problem with reason and evidence again.

The people who are still clinging, shrieking and kicking, to the idea of "climate change," that I don't understand, are the ones who will receive no benefit from it. These people are willing to bow to their so-called superiors and do everything they say. Why are they willing to greatly reduce their standard of living just because someone tells them they should? That is, why are they willing to listen to one set of people and close their ears to the rational arguments of anyone else?

AGW has been described as a religion, because you need faith to believe in it. I agree with this premise, but I want to take it one step further. It has often been posited that people that natter on about "saving the planet" and "social justice" and so forth want to feel good about themselves. And why do they want, or need, to feel good about themselves? From the Christian point of view, it seems obvious. Nobody in reality can feel good about themselves. We all mess things up; we all make mistakes; worst of all, we will all continue to mess things up. We may conquer one flaw only to have three others rise up. Christians, though, can say, no, we can't feel good about ourselves, but we trust in One who took care of things for us. We are not good, but God is, and Christ has wiped out our sins and our messing things up, with His death and resurrection.

For the non-Christian, though, what is there? Without Christ, you have to do for yourself. You need to believe that you are "making a difference." And if something as simple as changing your light bulb or driving a different car makes you feel self-righteous, hey, it's all good. Little old you can "save the planet." It's probably a very powerful and addictive feeling. Too addictive to let yourself be confused by the facts.

Neo-neocon says it takes a very long time for people to admit that they were wrong. I suppose it can be very hard to realize and accept that you were wrong about something for years. I hope enough people will be willing to look at the facts and not just how good something makes them feel.

I'm Peeved

The Dancer's teacher insists on holding the every-other-year dance recitals on Father's Day. That pretty much guarantees that a good bit of our family and none of our friends can attend. Plus I don't really think it's fair to the fathers of the dancers. The day should be about *them*, not about their progeny. I'm tempted to boycott, especially since we'd save the big bucks that get spent on costumes. On the other hand, the studio buzzes about the recital for the most of the year, and the Dancer really enjoyed the last recital. She'd probably hate to miss it and it seems unfair for her to be left out of all the excitement. Maybe we'll just have to put up with this one and think about something else for 2012.

It Worked Out

I was nervous last week about the very first parent-teacher conference I'd gone to in years. This one was for the Dancer, and as her only teacher for so long, it would truly be a reflection on me. Her teacher did say that the Dancer had a little bit of trouble in the early days, with math facts and with keeping up while writing answers in class. I'd tried to drill the Dancer as much as possible in her multiplication facts, but I had a hard time memorizing them as a child also. So while I felt a little guilty about that issue, I *had* worked with her on them. As a matter of fact, she's still working on them at home. As far as the notes, the Dancer's handwriting has never been copperplate, but I suppose the biggest issue is just that she had never learned to write things down as quickly as you need to in a classroom setting.

The good news is that her teacher says she is a good student and a hard worker, and that she is now completely integrated into the classroom. She also told me that I did a good job. That's great news for me. I didn't ruin her by all the years of homeschooling! I'm very proud of her and glad we had our time together.

Looking Ahead?

The Equestrienne was sharing some of her humorous hopes and dreams with us the other day. She asked me what my hopes and dreams were, and expressed surprise that they all seemed to be related to her and her sister's futures. I realized that this was true and started thinking if I have any hopes and dreams that are not related to my children. For so many years my life has revolved so much around taking care of my children. From making sure they had adequate nourishment and dry diapers and the necessary attention, to making sure they are receiving useful educations and learning to know them as people and helping them develop into capable, intelligent Lutheran women, there is a lot to think about and do. My work with my daughters is not complete, but as we settle into our new home, I seem to have more time to create more of a life for myself.

In many ways, I am in a place of satisfied contentment. From my youngest days, I wanted to be a homemaker and have a husband and children. So you could say I am "living the dream." But I still have quite a bit of my life ahead of me. Is it normal not to have a lot of plans and dreams for one's life for the future? I don't know. Perhaps some of this is related to my bipolar issues. When I was at my lowest point I had little hope for my life at all and saw the future as something to be avoided. To avoid spiraling again into a negative, destructive mentality, I have put most of my focus on the present. And to be honest, I have no way of knowing what could happen in the future. I know that my parents-in-law had plans and dreams for their life together until my father-in-law died a year before my husband and I married. In the same way, any plans I make for my future could be changed in an instant by something over which I have no control. Perhaps then I am afraid to make plans, knowing as a mature adult that "bad things" can happen to anybody at anytime. Perhaps also so much of what I want seems so far in the future. For example, I would like to travel with Mr. BTEG when our children are grown. But our youngest reaching her majority is still over seven years away. A great many things can happen in these next seven years, and anyway any dreams for that far in the future do not provide much sustenance for life in the here and now.

It may seem silly to some, but most of my current wishes for own life involve things in the creative realm. Sewing more, learning to knit better and make more things. Maybe learning to crochet, to draw or paint. Perhaps selling some of my creative endeavors. I would still like to do very amateur ballet, if I can find a studio that takes grown women with no figure for serious dance and little experience. (grin) That will likely have to wait until next year, as I missed getting into a current dance season. I also have a few ideas in the world of writing, although I am not as attached to these ideas. So while conquering the world may not happen just yet, I suppose my life is not completely devoid of things for which to plan and look forward to. And that makes life interesting!

Sidetracked

I have a long and thoughtful post rolling around in my head, but in my head is where it is going to have to stay until tomorrow at least. Spent most of the day at doctors' offices with Mr. BTEG dealing with issues related to his many auto-immune disorders (four to five or so.) Our bodies are indeed fickle things. I'm glad there is so much out there that can help him, though.

Germs

I suppose it's due to the girls being in public school that we seem to be sick more often this fall. Although I think Gino was the one who brought the H1N1 virus home, the Dancer is the one who first developed the current germ going around the family. I don't have her cough but I spent most of the afternoon dozing which is definitely not normal. On the other hand, there has been lots of coughing going on during her dance classes. One girl was especially sick a couple of weeks ago and her grandmother was urging her to go out and dance. I couldn't see why the grandmother brought her in the first place. The dance teacher thinks the grandmother comes from the tough-it-out school. It's very annoying to me when people knowingly expose my child and myself to illness, especially for something as nonessential as a dance class. I won't go as far though as one mom who pulled her 3-year-old out of dance class and preschool until H1N1 is over. Germs and sicknesses will be floating around all winter! Hope we are not fighting off illness until March!

Twenty Years On

Hard to believe that it was twenty years ago that I woke up to the news on the radio that the Berlin Wall had fallen. Not only was it fantastic news, but it was personally thrilling for me because Mr. BTEG and I would be in Berlin a month later. I hope we still have what is necessary to take on communism and win.

Nanny-State Nonsense

This story breaks my heart. A newborn baby in Great Britain taken away from her parents, along with six other children, because of "concerns" about their weight. The precedent this sets scares me, but what scares me just as much is most of the comments at the end of the story. Most of these people are cold and judgmental and have no idea about weight gain or loss. I say this because there is a girl in one of the Dancer's classes who is, frankly, obese. She takes three dance classes a week, and I believe she assists for at least one other class of younger students. She has been taking dance for years. Her conditioning is good; she is never out of breath or even sweating hard after a dance class. Yet some of the commenters at the original article think sticking the kids in the story in some sort of activity like dance class for the *three month* probation period would have magically cured their weight problems. Now, I don't know. Maybe this girl from dance goes home and stuffs herself with Twinkies in front of the television when she's not dancing or at school, like so many people insist fat people must do. It seems more likely to me that, just as there are people who need to have a 3,000 calorie diet to even maintain their slender figures, there are other people who have the opposite problem and will struggle with overweight all their lives, just as the comment at the top from the article pointed out. The prejudice upsets me and the fact that these kids' lives will probably be completely ruined for nothing is a sad commentary on what happens when we let the state control our lives.

And as NRO's The Corner points out, a little state control can easily lead to a lot. The current administration is against gun-owning, Bible-believing Christians like us. When will they come to take our kids away to keep them "safe"? Will those who look down their noses at this poor family find the government coming for their kids next?

Invisible Me

Elephant's Child has rightly pointed out that if you don't post regularly to your blog, your readership will decrease, and I have seen this happen. I'm trying to post more and get my readership back up. The problem is, since we've moved, I'm too busy living! Not that people that blog regularly don't have a life. It's just that my life has expanded quite a bit since we are in a new place. I'm trying to keep up with the day-to-day chores, and there is more of it here. There is a lot more carpet to vacuum, for example. I'm also trying to unpack and get things in place. And since we have so much more space here, it's not just getting things back to their old places. It's figuring out new places to put things, and temporarily coping while we save up to buy new furniture we need, such as bookcases.

I've also lost a big source of blog material, which is homeschooling. The girls are happy and doing well in their schools, but I don't have as much to write about since I am not directing their everyday learning activities. I'll still write if something happening at their school strikes a chord with me.

I have kicked back into gear with the knitting, since the Dancer is back to her three dance classes a week. For now, I'm only knitting to give me something to do while I'm at dance class or the doctor's office. I don't seem to knit very much at home. This precludes projects like socks or sweaters, where I would need to concentrate more. At least I would for now, since these would require new skills for me. I'm better off sticking to dishcloths. I have finished a dishcloth and a cell phone sock recently. I should take pictures of them, at least for my own records. I like to keep track of what I make.

I have given up on the idea of being a "political blogger." Well, I'm not sure how serious I was about it, but it is a good route to high readership if you can write well. While I am interested in politics, I don't have enough of a background in either political science or psychology to make it my main focus. I will still write about specific issues that interest me. I guess that still describes my blog. I will write about what interests me. I just need to look for lots that interests me to talk about!

Puzzlement

The Dancer has started taking violin lessons at school this year, and she seems to be enjoying it, so I want to get a violin for her American Girl doll for Christmas. I may not like the direction the company is going, but I must admit the products they make for the dolls are lovely. Other stores for 18" dolls offer a violin, bow and case. American Girl's set also includes a pretend block of rosin, two music books and a music stand. I thought about checking out eBay to see what I could get there. Oddly enough, incomplete sets are going for only a dollar or two less than you can buy the set for from American Girl. What's up with that? Granted, the last auction I watched *said* that the set was no longer available in stores, but a quick check of American Girl's online shop would refute that. Back in the old days when bulletin boards reigned, people would buy things from stores and sell them online for a profit, with the argument that some people didn't have a Wal-Mart or a Target close by. Nowadays when you can get everything online, I don't understand why people are willing to pay so close to retail for sets that don't even have all the pieces. Do people not search online, or do they not want to buy directly from American Girl? Those are my only two thoughts.