Bad Signs for a Future

For a city, one of whose best attributes at times is that at least we are not Detroit, the news of Detroit's bankruptcy should leave the city of Cleveland wondering if we are next. I say should, because there may still be a chance to pull this city back. I'm not sure that's likely to happen, given how many people refused to acknowledge that Detroit was in such grave trouble, but at the very least we may gain some sort of timetable as to how soon Cleveland will also slide off of the cliff. It's discouraging to see Detroit's abysmal literacy rate ranked with areas of Cleveland, for sure. It's sad to see that children with Down's Syndrome have a higher literacy percentage, at least according to this site. Surely almost half of Detroit's population is not severely learning disabled, is it?

I'm not really an expert on Cleveland city schools, but I do know that the superintendent of said schools pulls in around six figures, which seems rather criminal, given the job results. I also know from personal experience that teaching a child to read does not need a teaching degree or fancy materials. In my case, I was willing to take a lot of time, had the ability to take as much time as was needed without the stigma of my daughter falling behind peers, had the advantage of one-on-one time, and had a child who was generally obedient about doing her work, and knew she was expected to learn. I'm sure all of these things are lacking to a certain extent in the Cleveland public school system, especially the one-on-one time. What would be useful would be being able to address a problem individually in the case of a child from a negative environment, or in a classroom in the case of a poor teacher. The parents blame the teachers, and the teachers blame the parents, but ultimately I think the responsibility should lie with the parents. The mayor is in direct control of the schools, and the mayor, in my mind, ought to be under the direct control of his constituents. But maybe I'm biased, because in our own case, faced with a parochial school which wasn't challenging our daughter, and a public school district in academic emergency, we decided to do it ourselves. It often seems to be the way to go if you want something done right.

h/t to Bookworm Room.

Do You Want It All?

What does it mean for a society when children are seen not as gifts, but as a burden, something to avoid? We hear from a DINK, that "Not Having Children Is Letting Us Have It All." If by "all" they mean the material goods of this world, then yes, they have a lot of stuff. Of course, I don't think they'll always be happy with the amount of stuff that they have. There is always a bigger house, a fancier car, new furniture, a pool, a boat, a bigger boat, and then of course there is the curse of more, more places to visit, more clothes to buy, more purses and jewelry and shoes. This woman is very foolish if she thinks that she has it "all." First, because as I just stated, no one can have it all. Secondly, because she really doesn't have it all.

Maybe she and her husband will never appreciate it, but there is nothing like holding your newborn baby, a gift that God enabled you and your spouse to create with love. There is nothing like the special love that a toddler has for her mommy. There is nothing like that brief span of life where Daddy can fix anything. There is nothing like watching your child take her first steps, hug a sibling, learn to read, learn to play an instrument, go en pointe. There is nothing like the joy in the eyes of Mr. BTEG's late grandmother, as she held her newest great-grandchild, the last one she would live to see. That joy is even reflected in the Dancer's eyes.

If you look at the map towards the bottom right of my page, you can see that I have traveled. There are even places I've been that aren't on there, because I haven't figured out how to update the map. I've rafted the New River in West Virginia, been to the French Quarter in New Orleans, hung out on the beach in Costa del Sol, touched the Berlin Wall. I've had *experiences*. But experiences don't last. Since most of the traveling I listed above was done before I was 21, they are becoming dim memories of experiences, at that. I have plenty of photos, but even looking at the same photo can get boring over decades. Sure, I could do more traveling, and I probably will, but again, those are brief moments in the big picture of life. And even traveling can get old after weeks of living out of a suitcase.

For some reason, memories of the people I love never get old in the same way. Not just with my children, but also people like my grandfather or my dear friends. If you are blessed enough to be happily married, do you still like to think fondly of your wedding day? Do you remember sharing an activity with a grandparent, or the road trip you took with your friends in college? We are meant to want to be with people, to have people in our lives that we care about, and who care about us. Not all of us will be blessed with children, and the author above says she is happy she doesn't have any. That may never change; she might be eighty and be glad that she didn't have children. But I think that when I am eighty, I'll have a lot more to show for my life than old W-2s, purchase receipts and travel albums.

So Very Tired

So Plan B, the "morning after" pill, is approved for over the counter purchase to girls as young as fifteen. And I'm sure you've heard lots of arguments why it's a bad idea. It is ridiculous that I as a forty-four year old woman have to show my ID to buy cold medicine, but my teenage daughters, with their still maturing bodies and minds, can buy, with no oversight, a medication with a much greater chance of complications, even when it is taken as directed. I had to show my ID to my own sister-in-law when my daughters got their ears pierced, because we got them pierced through the jewelry store that she works at, and she had to have proof that I, as a parent, had given permission. Because ear piercing is so much more dangerous than making your body abort a pregnancy, and messing with the hormones of a girl which are not completely settled to begin with.

But honestly, I expect no less from this government. What discourages me, and makes me tired, is I would expect the majority of people in this country to either, 1. still heartily approve, or 2. not have any idea this happened. And the second group bothers me more than the first, because the second group is more likely to disapprove, and thus, there might be a chance of changing the way we treat the unborn in this society, and the inconsistent way we grant "freedoms" to citizens. Plus, some people might wake up to how little they are aware of things. Maybe? I'm considering running a little experiment and asking moms of some of the teens I know, if they have heard about this ruling. Just to see how little some people pay attention.

In the meantime, I've had to tell my daughters to be aware if they hear someone they know has taken, or is going to take Plan B. Just in case something does happen.

Oh No, You Didn't

Some Communist idiot on MSNBC has the temerity to say this:

“We’ve always had this private notion of children… We haven’t had a very collective notion that these are our children. So part of it is we have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to their communities.”

You can have your child brought up however you want. Keep your grubby mitts off of mine. Our daughters will continue to be brought up with their parents, in their family. Mr. BTEG and I will take them to church, send them to Higher Things, educate them how we wish, have veto power over what they wear and where they go, make sure they are eating properly, give them chores and expect them to be done, give them guidance and support as they move towards adulthood. Leftists aren't big on religious freedom, but Mr. BTEG and I have been blessed by God with children, and it is our vocation to train them up. It worries me a little that someone can say something so obviously totalitarian on national television with so little backlash, albeit on a channel that is very leftist to begin with. Although my daughters are older, I would prefer not to have to fight for the right for them to rear my grandchildren. May God protect us and have mercy on us.

Still Here

Wow, I have really been neglecting this blog lately. I need to step it up again, because I really don't want to quit blogging. It seems to have become very passé to blog, in a world of people who hop onto the latest new thing and then move on to the next trend within a few months, but blogging as a whole is still very necessary. Bloggers are still the New Media, and they are a way for issues, concerns and debates to occur which would never otherwise see the light of day. Yes, Twitter is making quite a stir, but sometimes there are things that can't be said in 140 words or less. And while I am definitely not an outstanding blogger in the field, everyone is allowed to enter the debate. Don't expect to go unchallenged, but don't be quiet if you can support your words.

Right now, I'm a mom whose life is still rather wrapped up in her family. My marriage is always important, and yes, my kids are older, but they still need someone to support their interests, to drive them to activities and friends' houses, and most importantly, to listen to them. I was brought up in a rather sheltered environment, so I have no idea what the "old days" were like, but today it seems rather unusual for a kid to not be dealing with parental divorce, or parental drug or alcohol use, or some kind of parental abuse, or parental suicide, or to be using drugs or engaged in free and easy sexual activity, or even considering suicide themselves. And we live in one of the "good" suburbs. Not only do my children need parental support for themselves, they need someone to talk to when someone they know cuts himself, or loses a parent.

Besides which, I enjoy being with them! I like hearing about what they are doing now and what they want in their future. I am transitioning to more time spent on me, and on wife-husband time, but I also want to not fritter away the years before my children set out on their own lives. Despite feeling the weight of hitting midlife, I do still have a lot ahead of me. Right now, my family still takes up a lot of it.

School Rules

I was glad to see Mitt Romney come out with a strong position on school choice. He's not my dream candidate, but he's not a socialist, and I think he could definitely improve the economy, which honestly is my biggest concern right now. If we have to worry about food and clothes and medicine, I don't have much energy for much else. As far as school choice, I am in favor of parents being able to spend whatever school monies they are entitled to, on the school of their choice. Or be able to keep it themselves if they homeschool. Of course, I think this shouldn't come with any sort of government strings. You takes your money and you chooses your school. I can also understand a desire for school accountability, when we have kids graduating from schools, who can't read or do basic math. I think our current system of trying to make sure all the kids in school actually learn, is probably fatally flawed. But then I think it should be more locally accountable, and not federally. But the subject is too complex and I don't have enough experience to go into it more deeply than that.

Thoughts on Schools

I've been mulling over this article by Zombie and accompanying pictures for quite a while. Taking your students out of school for a day to lobby for higher pay for you *cough*andsocialism*cough*? It's awful, and I absolutely believe it is true. I do see it as a bad sign for our country. I just don't see something this extreme happening outside of self-segregated leftist enclaves. YET. My daughter was in no higher than second grade when she informed us that there was now a camera on her school bus. We of course called the school district right away to find out what was going on and why we weren't informed. Is the Musician a little more apt to notice such things than the average kid? Yes. But with all the kids at that rally, aren't the odds high that there would be some child that came home and told mom and dad, "We went on a field trip today?" If the moms and dads weren't on board with this, it couldn't have happened.

I just keep coming back to personal responsibility. Mr. BTEG and I talk a lot to our daughters, not only about what they are learning in school, but about world events, what we watch on television, what we and they are interested in. We are also blessed that in our school district we do get to see most of what they are learning. The Musician can bring any of her school books home, and so can the Dancer. Projects the girls did were proudly displayed before being taken to school. The Dancer's school sent home piles of completed schoolwork. The Musician did find one of her teachers this year seemed to be a little leftist, but it barely came out during the course of the school year. Neither of the girls was ever told to tell her parents to support the local school levies. If they were told that, they would know we as parents make up our own minds about things. They do get the evolutionist line in their science classes, but they're going to get that everywhere even as adults. They're learning the valuable lesson that what adults tell them, even teachers, isn't always true.

Are there socialists at my daughters' schools? Probably. Are all of them socialists? I doubt it. What are the odds? Do I believe that everyone in this town is a socialist? Despite the fact that we are in a suburb of Cleveland, in some ways this really is like living in a small town. Lots of people who grew up here, stay here and have their own families here. Teachers live in our neighborhoods. Some of them are from prominent families in the area. We get to know them. One of the teachers at the high school has a daughter who takes a dance class with the Dancer. I was very shocked when I and another parent were talking about all the chaos done by the teachers' union in Wisconsin, and his reply was that Fox had just made all that up!! But I don't think he's a socialist. He's just an ill-informed man. Other Parent and I were very quick to inform him how good teachers currently have it. Tenure? Guaranteed yearly raises? Health insurance completely paid for? Retirement pay? Ha! Who in the private sector has seen those things in decades? But I got to have face-to-face communication with this teacher, and tell him where I stand. I doubt that the parents of those children at the rally get the same privilege. If they even want it. We do have to fight for schools that actually teach facts and useful knowledge instead of political mantras and slogans. But we aren't all hopelessly lost out here in public school land.

Going On and On

There is so much debate and anger and vitriol going on about schools lately. In the end, what I am thinking about it all boils down to a few things.

1. More money does not provide a better education. You've probably heard this over and over, but my school district is pushing the opposite like crazy since the state is cutting back on funding for all public schools. That is, they are pushing for more money from the local taxpayers by asking us, "You don't want to lose the great school district you have, do you?" I'm not sure if they are deluded enough to believe more money makes a better school district, or if they just want the money. I mean, all of you know that here in the USA, many of the school districts that receive the most funding per child, like our very own Washington, DC, perform the worst academically.

I won't deny that this whole formula can be complicated. There are many wealthy families that live in this school district, which could be used as an argument that of course our schools are better. But my family is far from rich, and there are many less than wealthy neighborhoods in this town. The main issue, I think, is people wanting their children to perform up to their potential. Some parents here do ground their kids for less than an A. I don't agree with that, but I think my kids are more than capable of doing mostly A and B level work, and I wouldn't be happy if they were consistently getting Cs and Ds. Mr. BTEG and I also expect them to pay attention in class, study for tests and do their homework, which goes a long way.

Sure, wealthy families and fancy technology and flashy new textbooks can contribute to a good school district. On the other hand, kids from wealthy families can also spend their time doing drugs and having sex. And a teacher who can't educate without an electronic whiteboard and the latest textbook doesn't really deserve the title of teacher.

2. Teachers cannot be immune to economic downturns. I can understand that teachers don't like the idea of no raises, and/or having to pay more for their pensions and health care, maybe even taking a salary cut. But when unemployment is high and the economy is bad, teachers just can't expect not to have to suffer a little financially as well. It's not always about "greed." Look at how your neighbors are doing, how your city is doing, how your state is doing, before you complain.

Oh, and a pet peeve of mine. Teachers are important. So are firefighters, policemen, EMS workers, doctors, nurses, etc. A small collective of people paying salaries simply can't afford to pay all these important people an "important" salary. An actress can't save a life, but she can get more people to see one of her movies on one day alone than a doctor can see in an entire year. For that matter, I think being a mother, the kind that works hard to raise decent human beings, is the most important job there is. But there is absolutely no pay at all for us. Salary does not equal overall worth.

A lot of words for only two points! But this topic is so loaded that I wanted to make myself clear. Thank you if you made it this far!

Sins of the Parents

I'm so tired of seeing the effects of divorce and parental neglect in the lives of too many of the kids that go to high school with the Musician. They're desperate for love and attention, but they don't know how to have real, meaningful relationships, either the dating kind or the friendship kind. I want so badly to mother these kids but I can't fix everything. All I can hope is that I have the right words if God wills me to say something.

Mad at Ohio

At my daughter's dance lesson tonight, I was talking to a father who happens to be a teacher in our school district. He informed me and the other mom there that the state of Ohio is shifting to mandatory full-day kindergarten AND mandatory *preschool.* I'm angry and appalled! Yes, I sent my daughters to preschool, and they enjoyed it, but it was only mornings, not every school day, and I certainly wouldn't want it to be forced on every child. I also don't see five-year-olds as necessarily being ready for all-day school, either. They're still so young! Of course, too many children that age are in all-day daycare anyway, and I have to wonder if parents who do have children in daycare were a driving force behind this. It also makes me mad that I am subsidizing their daycare, basically. They are probably using some sort of excuse about helping the children academically, but seriously. When my daughters were kindergarten age, they were still solidifying letters and numbers. I don't see going to a whole day making a difference in that. Not to mention that there is evidence that even Head Start ends up not giving kids an advantage in the long run. Where is the evidence that all-day preschool will work?

Another issue is the cost. Our school district is blessed to be in a financially good place at the moment, but adding all those extra kids, and the extra hours, will put a strain on the district's budget. How will districts that already struggle financially deal with it? Especially in this economy? It will mean more levies, and of course the schools know how to manipulate parents, by cutting "non-essential" classes like art, extracurricular activities and busing. Of course, so many parents work today that they are apparently happy to pay the extra taxes to ease the burden of having to drive them to school, and pick them up right after school.

I'm so disappointed in Ohio. I'm definitely contacting my legislators, although it's a bit late at this point. I wish I had a place to get good Ohio news besides the local rag. Homeschooling did not work out in the long run for us, but I think I would probably homeschool during the preschool and kindergarten years if I had children of that age. It's a sad development.

Turn and Turn About

One of public education's problems is the teachers' union, which often uses parents' desires to have a good education for their children, to gain excessive wealth and benefits for themselves. How do we define excessive? Here's some of my ideas. When many occupations don't see raises for years, but the teachers' union demands raises every year, that's excessive. When unemployment numbers are soaring and taxpayers find it harder to meet their own family's needs, but teachers' unions still demand the same size raise, that's excessive. When health care premiums are rising for just about everyone, but a teachers' union still demands absolutely free health care benefits for its members, that's excessive. When a state is going bankrupt, but a union insists they still receive what they're used to, in the end, that helps no one. Individual teachers can be great (winks at Katie,) but the union is too demanding and uses "the children" far too often.

Watch Chris Christie here as he takes apart the teachers' union in his state. One thing I like about Governor Christie is that he uses facts and hard numbers when talking about the issues. Also, he doesn't need a teleprompter.

Blank Slate

Goodness only knows, there's enough to blog about out there. For some reason, I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts together enough to write a good blog post. Of course, we are moving in just over a week, so perhaps that is a contributing factor. I'm mentally unpacking and arranging things in the new place already. I suppose that's more fun than packing and sorting things here.

And now I just realized another reason for my mental vacuum. The Musician came in to my bedroom talking nineteen to the dozen, and the Dancer was not far behind. I'm starting to feel like I need a social secretary to keep up with them and their plans! Not to mention a dedicated car and driver. I keep going by reminding myself that these days will go by very quickly, so I should enjoy them while I can.

Parenthood

I may have made an important discovery. I think a medication I was taking temporarily has contributed to my *extreme* tiredness. I'm hoping this will turn out to be the case. There's so much I want to do in real life, things I want to discuss here on my blog, and I hate being too tired to do anything but the very basics.

I've been thinking a lot about raising children, as I drive my two daughters to and from and all over town. What I see as an important thing for my child to do, or be, or know, may not matter a great deal to another parent, even one that shares many of the same religious and political values I do. In my case, some of the things I want for my daughters are things I feel I lacked while growing up. I imagine this applies to all parents, but it's still interesting noting it in myself. There are of course all the cliches, like a mother wanting her daughter to be Homecoming Queen just like she was, or a father wanting his son to be the star quarterback because the father always rode the bench. I'm trying not to relive my teen years through my daughters nor try to make them fulfill dreams that I couldn't. What I want to do is spot places where I was "weak" and make sure my daughters get a little more support in those areas. Ultimately my parenting will be imperfect, like everything else I do. But I want my daughters to think I did a good job.

Children and Church

I saw a sign yesterday at a local megachurch that happens to run a daycare. The sign was advertising a reduced rate at the daycare for employees of the hospital directly across the street. I disliked it. Let me tell you first a bit about my feelings about churches and daycare. It is true that the Christian church has a long record of providing all sorts of aid. I'm not an expert on medieval history, but a lot of this help seemed to come from monasteries, from priests and nuns who made it their vocation to live to serve others for the glory of God. Nowadays, everything seems to be a "ministry." In my view, doing things for people in the hope that some of God will rub off on them in some way. This includes daycare at some churches.

If a church-going person feels called to help out a fellow church member, neighbor or family member with childcare, that's one thing. However, I'm not sure a church should be directly running a daycare, anymore than they should be directly running a soup kitchen, a hospital or a homeless shelter. The church is the Church. It is there to give Word and Sacrament. Individual Christians are supposed to help others in need. I also dislike seeing a church daycare being run as a straight-up business, instead of just helping those who need help. This includes running a discount program as an incentive to sign your kid up there. I'm sure some of the people who work at the hospital do so because they can't afford not to work. As always, there are of course other people who work for the extra clothes, fancy house, vacations, etc. The Church should support the family, and that means encouraging a parent be at home when possible.

I'm not sure how I feel about church schools. It is my understanding that church schools started in the Catholic church because of anti-Catholicism. Lutheran schools were started in the age before homeschooling vs. public school, and I believe were started to give Lutheran students some catechesis as well as the education they would have received at a public school. I don't see anything wrong with that, since the children are presumably mostly children of church members and the church is proclaiming God's Word to them. Obviously however, a school is not a requirement, nor something that should take resources from the church that are needed elsewhere.

Botox Never Dies

I had to report on this story from The Blaze, since I talked about this ridiculous plan for young people's health care in a previous post. What kind of parents tell their children to take their time following their dreams? If a dream is worth doing, it is worth doing as soon as possible, not just dreaming about it. For that matter, what it is a young adult supposed to be doing if they do have to work for a while towards their dreams, that they still need their parents to provide health care? And if a young adult can't provide his own health care, does that mean Mom and Dad also have to provide food, housing and clothing? I'm sorry; I'm going to raise my children to be better than that, thankyouverymuch.

On a side note, as one of Beck's commenters said, if Ms. Botox doesn't like pledges, does that mean she doesn't pledge to protect and uphold the Constitution? Does her word mean anything?

Awkward Me

I'd like to make more friends, especially friends nearby. While online friends are great, real-life friends are nice also. I went out to lunch a few weeks ago with an old friend. We attended college together, and later on we worked at the same place and even lived in the same apartment development. Unfortunately, we live a couple of hours apart, so getting together is not an easy task, especially since she works full-time. But it was so much fun, and so rejuvenating, that I think it would be good for me if I could get together with friends often.

The big problem is how to meet people. The easiest way seems to be to join organizations. The problem (and of course there always is one) is that I dislike organizations! Or maybe I have never been in one I enjoyed enough. I generally don't like outside influences on my time, like appointments or set meeting dates. I also don't work well in large group settings. Is it a matter of leaving my "comfort zone" or is this just the way I am? I think the large group thing absolutely relates to my introversion. I find it hard to put myself out there to get noticed. But if I found some group where I really enjoyed the activities and the people, my other issues might not be a big deal.

I'm going to at least try the Parent/Teacher's Association this year. Last year, we didn't even move into the area until just after the girls had started school, and we didn't know until the last minute where we would even be moving to. With all the unpacking and stress, I was not interested in joining anything. This year, we're moving again, which I never would have expected, but the girls are staying in the same schools, so that uncertainty is gone. Once the stress of having to leave this house, which I had really come to feel at home in, is better, perhaps I will have the interest and energy to find more places to meet people.

Being Free

You know what's scary? When you realize your children are going to go their own way, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Oh, you see signs that she is her own person even in babyhood. My daughters started showing some of their strong personal characteristics VERY early on. But when they are young, you can still coerce them into being polite, working on schoolwork, sitting quietly in church, (occasionally) cleaning their rooms. Eventually, though, you come to the Moment. Even as a mid-life crisis can hit you like a bolt from the blue, though you've known all along that eventually you will get old and die, so too can the thought that someday your kids will be on their own and can make some serious mistakes, be startling.

Of course, there are many things that can help influence a child's development. In this category are not only how you raise the child, but what examples you set. When looking at people whom I know personally who have made mistakes in their lives, I can see how seeds of negative behavior were sown by the actions of others who had significant influences in their lives at an early age.

In the end, though, everybody makes their own choices in life. Though it can be daunting to think of my daughters out on their own, in a way it is freeing to think that in the end they are responsible for decisions they make, even as I am responsible for what I have done, no matter the bad things I can point to in my past. It is freeing because none of us can be perfect as parents, or as significant people in a child's life. We should strive for the best, so that our children are not too burdened with a poor start. But our best influences fade before personal choice. The best we can do is pray for the young people in our lives to make positive decisions.

It Worked Out

I was nervous last week about the very first parent-teacher conference I'd gone to in years. This one was for the Dancer, and as her only teacher for so long, it would truly be a reflection on me. Her teacher did say that the Dancer had a little bit of trouble in the early days, with math facts and with keeping up while writing answers in class. I'd tried to drill the Dancer as much as possible in her multiplication facts, but I had a hard time memorizing them as a child also. So while I felt a little guilty about that issue, I *had* worked with her on them. As a matter of fact, she's still working on them at home. As far as the notes, the Dancer's handwriting has never been copperplate, but I suppose the biggest issue is just that she had never learned to write things down as quickly as you need to in a classroom setting.

The good news is that her teacher says she is a good student and a hard worker, and that she is now completely integrated into the classroom. She also told me that I did a good job. That's great news for me. I didn't ruin her by all the years of homeschooling! I'm very proud of her and glad we had our time together.

The Role of a Mother

Towards the end of a very bad day yesterday, the oh-so-insightful Scientist made a comment that really made me realize that my responsibilities in the home do not just lie with making sure the dishes are clean, the dinner is cooked and the laundry is done. It even goes beyond bringing up the girls properly and teaching them well. In some ways I am responsible for the emotional tenor through the house as well. Of course the girls need to learn self-control of and responsibility for their thoughts and actions, but if Mom is mopey or snappish, that atmosphere, as it were, will carry over to everybody in the home. I need to think about what kind of tone I am setting for my children's days.

A Little Scary

Would it disturb you to see a kid doing backflips into a pool about 4 feet deep, where it is clearly marked "No Diving"??? At one point the father was standing there watching the kid dive in. Poorly behaved children are bad enough; kids risking a broken neck are just hair-raising.