Parenthood as an Option

I've been thinking a lot about something the Dancer said to me the other day. We've been talking about the role of marriage and having children in our current society. So many secular couples decide that they absolutely don't want children, or that they'll have them "when they're ready," whatever that means. Even if "when they're ready" gets pushed into their thirties, or even later. At which point they freak about being infertile, but that could be a whole separate post.

Anyway, I think that the Christian couple should definitely have children, if God blesses them with offspring. There are many couples who deal with the pain of infertility; there is a blog out there run by Lutherans for families who deal with this. But there are Christian couples out there who aren't having children at all, and I'm not certain that is the Christian way to do things. Of course, when I really thought about it, "being Christian equals having children," isn't something specifically mandated in the Bible, is it? God tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth. Is that just meant for filling the earth? But also, God also talks about how children are a blessing, a heritage, from the Lord. And He talks in the Bible about putting the lonely in families. Despite St. Paul's praise for the single life, it seems like most often the family is God's ideal for how people should live. A man and a woman, joined in holy matrimony, bringing up children in the way they should go.

What the Dancer said, though, was when we were talking about a friend of hers. This friend is one of four kids. Mom has abandoned the family, and Dad is not always a great father. Not bad enough for social services, definitely, but sometimes rather absent with affection and effort. I said perhaps the parents should not have had children at all. The Dancer quickly pointed out that I've previously said people should have children. I did say that. So, what then? I told her, then, that they should have grown up and accepted parental responsibilities. But that doesn't seem like something that is done very often today either. See Wendy Davis as an example. She is running for elected office mainly on her status as a "single mother," when for a lot of time she wasn't even the primary parent because it wasn't "a good time" for to be a mother! Wasn't a good time? The good time to be a mother, is when you have kids.

I keep going back to what the Dancer said to me. All I've ever wanted to do was be a wife and mother, as primary vocation. Should you have a calling to be a parent, or should you do it because it's what God wants? Certainly not everyone is called to marriage.

Being a parent isn't easy, but then neither is being a grown-up. People not only want to put off child-rearing; they want to put off marriage, as I've written about previously. Instead, it's all about you, all the time. Wendy Davis left her kids behind literally for her career and her ambitions. You shouldn't even get married until you have a great career, and you've traveled the world, and done a bunch of other stuff that somehow is necessary to do. And then you shouldn't have kids until you're ready. And then what? Are we going to end up like Japan? A very large percentage of young men and women show no interest in getting married, or even dating. They're too wrapped up in their careers. In other words, themselves.

I'm definitely not perfect at this, but part of being a family is living for something beside the self. Definitely within a marriage, even more so with kids. Spouses, after all, are generally able to care for themselves. Babies need everything done for them, and even as they grow, they still need things like laundry and cooking done for them for many years; money has to be spent for their clothes, toys, school needs. Driving them places seems never-ending. But I'm afraid, as fallen humans, that society won't stop in the pursuit of selfishness until it ends up like the Japanese. A healthy society is one that values marriage and family. Maybe that's because God designed it that way?

Starting Anew

God must know that we humans need lots of chances for new beginnings, because we get them so often. Lately, I've been needing a fresh start every morning, but that's a great time to start! Happy new week!

Do You Want It All?

What does it mean for a society when children are seen not as gifts, but as a burden, something to avoid? We hear from a DINK, that "Not Having Children Is Letting Us Have It All." If by "all" they mean the material goods of this world, then yes, they have a lot of stuff. Of course, I don't think they'll always be happy with the amount of stuff that they have. There is always a bigger house, a fancier car, new furniture, a pool, a boat, a bigger boat, and then of course there is the curse of more, more places to visit, more clothes to buy, more purses and jewelry and shoes. This woman is very foolish if she thinks that she has it "all." First, because as I just stated, no one can have it all. Secondly, because she really doesn't have it all.

Maybe she and her husband will never appreciate it, but there is nothing like holding your newborn baby, a gift that God enabled you and your spouse to create with love. There is nothing like the special love that a toddler has for her mommy. There is nothing like that brief span of life where Daddy can fix anything. There is nothing like watching your child take her first steps, hug a sibling, learn to read, learn to play an instrument, go en pointe. There is nothing like the joy in the eyes of Mr. BTEG's late grandmother, as she held her newest great-grandchild, the last one she would live to see. That joy is even reflected in the Dancer's eyes.

If you look at the map towards the bottom right of my page, you can see that I have traveled. There are even places I've been that aren't on there, because I haven't figured out how to update the map. I've rafted the New River in West Virginia, been to the French Quarter in New Orleans, hung out on the beach in Costa del Sol, touched the Berlin Wall. I've had *experiences*. But experiences don't last. Since most of the traveling I listed above was done before I was 21, they are becoming dim memories of experiences, at that. I have plenty of photos, but even looking at the same photo can get boring over decades. Sure, I could do more traveling, and I probably will, but again, those are brief moments in the big picture of life. And even traveling can get old after weeks of living out of a suitcase.

For some reason, memories of the people I love never get old in the same way. Not just with my children, but also people like my grandfather or my dear friends. If you are blessed enough to be happily married, do you still like to think fondly of your wedding day? Do you remember sharing an activity with a grandparent, or the road trip you took with your friends in college? We are meant to want to be with people, to have people in our lives that we care about, and who care about us. Not all of us will be blessed with children, and the author above says she is happy she doesn't have any. That may never change; she might be eighty and be glad that she didn't have children. But I think that when I am eighty, I'll have a lot more to show for my life than old W-2s, purchase receipts and travel albums.

Gratitude

I made what I hope is my last visit to the orthopedic doctor today. I am cleared to start walking actively, and don't have to go back to the doctor unless there is pain again. Every visit I've had, the doctor has made a point of saying how normally injuries like this require surgery. Today was not an exception. He said people with this injury generally have to have screws put in, and that I am a very good healer. I am very grateful that God has healed me, and for people that were praying for me. I'm going to appreciate my reacquired mobility.

Yet Another Reason

to believe that Gaia worship is a religion: the LA City Council is encouraging its residents to avoid eating meat on Mondays. For some vague, feel-good ideas about saving the planet, contributing to health and avoiding illnesses. If we say the right things, do the right things, perhaps the Nature God will favor us with plentiful "plant-based" foods, good health and no natural calamities. In the end, it's all about what we do, though. Like so many other religions are.

You know, abstaining from random sex and not having a lot of sexual partners, whether hetero- or homosexual, would "reverse some of our nation's most common" diseases. I guess temple prostitutes are cool with Gaia.

The Least of These

The more I think about the whole abortion issue, the more I disagree that it is ever a good idea. Christians have tried to be all compassionate and understanding about women who have had an abortion for at least the devasting reason of rape and incest. What has happened with this compassion and understanding, however, is a culture that considers a human life something that can be thrown away for any reason, at virtually any time before a viable infant arrives in the world. Even after a viable infant is born,if the mom panics and abandons the child by himself somewhere, we are supposed to feel more pity for the young adult forced to make such a horrible choice, than for the baby who may or may not pay for it with his life.

Women and girls who do face a surprise or unwanted pregnancy do need help and support. What a lot of right-to-death proponents gloss over is the fact that many pro-life people are providing help and support right now. Sadly, not everyone can get the help they need. However, not everyone finds, say, the mental health help they need either. Suicide is the final result far too often. Even having money and connections does not always make struggles easy. How many Hollywood stars have self-destruced, often due to awful things that happpened to them as they rose through the ranks to stardom? With the money for the best counseling and mental health retreats, some people still can't completely rid themselves of their demons. And again, the result is death.

I used to have at least a sort of sympathy for those who claimed they were only in favor of abortion until the baby was viable outside of the womb. I wanted to meet them halfway, hoping that they would develop into people who were pro-life for even the youngest and most vulnerable of those in the womb. Vulnerable. Even the infants that are born full-term are horribly vulnerable. How can we welcome some of these, and essentially tell others that they have no right to live, after being given life without their consent or their will? Look at the picture here of a developing human only seven weeks after conception. He looks a little odd, but he is undeniably human. Not a clump of cells. Not a bunch of tissue. Human. And one's belief in a God or gods or no deity at all does not change this. If you are not afraid of being punished by a deity for killing the life of a unique individual whose body is daily growing and taking shape, does that mean that life does not matter if you find it an inconvenience? The story below is where we end up, and it does not and will not end there. What kind of a society do we want to be? That is our true choice.

We Must Obey God Rather Than Men, And We Will

So said the president of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, Rev. Dr. Matthew C. Harrison, today at a House Committee hearing.
I am glad that my church body was represented this morning, but I am cynically afraid that it will not do much good. We already know that the beliefs and the alliances of the left do not understand, much less align with any religious conviction. Indeed, I firmly believe that most of the members of our government only align their thoughts and beliefs with the acquisition and use of power. Still, those of us who have a conscience, and have Christian faith, must not be ashamed to let those temporarily in power on this earth know where we stand.

Starting Over. And Over.

Crazy week. Not more actual activity going on, but being slightly sick for a good part of the week made things tougher. Actually, we got fewer things done. But the week is almost over, which is a relief.

I consider it rather Providential how many opportunities we are given to make a "fresh start." A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. Because there are chances for self-improvement. Not in the theological "God wants me to be a better person" kind of way, but people can make positive changes. Eat less. Stay off the computer more. Spend more time with the kids/spouse. And every day, His mercies are new, and we have a chance to change something. Even if it was messed up the day before.

Hope

One of the only things that keeps me going, is hope. Yes, I have a wonderful husband and two great daughters, and we live in a nice area of metro Cleveland. But in a lot of other ways, we are struggling. I don't want to stay where we are for the rest of my life. I want things in some areas to improve. And without hope that better things might be coming, I could very easily fall into despair.

It's important to say, though, that I can't depend on anyone else for this hope, besides Mr. BTEG. We share common dreams and goals, and work towards things together. Yes, God does send his blessings to all. But things won't necessarily fall out of the sky either. Sometimes God provides for us by giving us the means to earn our daily bread instead of dropping manna. And depending on an other human is a sure way to be disappointed. The dreams that Mr. BTEG and I share are very personal to us. To hope that some great consortium of people will accomplish exactly what you desire is to forget the complexity and conflicting interests of humans. And to hope that there is some benevolent being out there, besides God, who will just give you everything you need, is just a pipe dream. Not even God gives you everything you need with no effort on your part. And you definitely don't get everything you want, either.

I'm going to accomplish a few things today towards some of my dreams!

Wondering Why

Oh dear. I'm frustrated, and sometimes angry, and sometimes even getting scared. The only way I can describe is that it feels like there is some bad mojo somewhere. Of course that's not Christian. But to say one feels under Satan's attack seems over-dramatic. And then I do feel like such a small insect in the vastness that is God's creation.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Okay, so I know what the true meaning of Christmas is. But like poor Charlie Brown, I didn't really have much feeling for Christmas this year, either in the spiritual or secular senses. I got a nice gift, the warm winter coat I've been wanting for a couple of years. The girls were happy with their gifts, even though they were by no means extravagant. Mr. BTEG even scored himself some free Christmas gifts: a Google TV keyboard and the latest in smart phones. And of course the most important thing was the remembrance that God became man, became incarnate for us and for our salvation. I was rather numb to the whole thing. Not getting to Christmas services due to various health issues may not have helped this, although I was not tuned in to Advent very well either. I am taking two things from this season. One, I need to stay on top of my mental processes, even though I can't twist them into something perfect. Two, thank God that His incarnation and my salvation do not rest on my feelings being "right."

Head Cases

My mind has been straying back to this article several times during the past couple of days. It bothers me not as a what-could-have-been but as a what-could-be. I have never struggled with mental issues to the extent that the author's son has. I made it through college with honors and successfully held down a number of jobs before becoming a full-time mom. My children are also currently doing well in their lives. Yes, I should place my trust in God, but in my frailty I wonder at times if my mind will deteriorate more, or if one or both of my daughters will suffer from mental illness, which does seem to have a definite genetic component. I do have a whole host of changes before me, God willing, even thought many of them will indeed be positive. In the end, however, there is nothing I can do to alter things, so I have to rely on God, and on my loved ones working through Him.

On a second note, I do agree with the author's assertion that we should rely on ourselves as much as possible. As was pointed out somewhere else on the blogosphere, for middle class taxpayers, what usually happens is I support your unique need through my taxes, and you support my unique need through your taxes. If we weren't paying these taxes, we could just take care of our own needs, with a lot less waste of money. Plus, I stated this when my husband was going through his mysterious health issues, but I cannot say it often enough: bureaucracy does not care. The person who was the most help to us through all of our issues was our primary care physician, who has known our family for several years. From other places, we either received no help, often for reasons that made no sense, or extremely delayed help, due to the number of hoops required first, and that fact that managing our issue was just someone's job, and not a vital issue as it was to us.

One last thing; the author wrote that he did manage to find manageable coverage for his son despite the health issues, but fears it may become out of reach under Obamacare. I believe this is an intended consequence. God be with us all.

Questioning

I am going to be posting on higher education, in regards to my family in particular, but as I was planning the post out in my mind, I took a side trip. I have always been disappointed in my college career. I wrote too much trying to explain, so let's just say I don't know why I went to the college I did, or took some of the courses that I did. However, when I get down to it, I always get back to the fact that I met my now-husband there, so I can't completely regret my college choice.

Which leads me to a point where I get theologically muddled: what was God's involvement in this? Dawn Eden, in her book, says that a man's wife is chosen for him by God. How does God plan things for us, however, which involve the actions of other people? How did my husband and I end up going to the same college, and both make friends with the same person who would eventually introduce us? I never felt a "call," or anything similar to go to the college I did. I went because they supposedly had a good program in a major my father pushed towards. I ended up not really being interested in that major, and not seeing the program as that good anyway. I completely fumbled my way through the whole higher education process. God knew all that would happen, since He is omniscient, but did he *direct* any of it? And if so, how?

Children and Church

I saw a sign yesterday at a local megachurch that happens to run a daycare. The sign was advertising a reduced rate at the daycare for employees of the hospital directly across the street. I disliked it. Let me tell you first a bit about my feelings about churches and daycare. It is true that the Christian church has a long record of providing all sorts of aid. I'm not an expert on medieval history, but a lot of this help seemed to come from monasteries, from priests and nuns who made it their vocation to live to serve others for the glory of God. Nowadays, everything seems to be a "ministry." In my view, doing things for people in the hope that some of God will rub off on them in some way. This includes daycare at some churches.

If a church-going person feels called to help out a fellow church member, neighbor or family member with childcare, that's one thing. However, I'm not sure a church should be directly running a daycare, anymore than they should be directly running a soup kitchen, a hospital or a homeless shelter. The church is the Church. It is there to give Word and Sacrament. Individual Christians are supposed to help others in need. I also dislike seeing a church daycare being run as a straight-up business, instead of just helping those who need help. This includes running a discount program as an incentive to sign your kid up there. I'm sure some of the people who work at the hospital do so because they can't afford not to work. As always, there are of course other people who work for the extra clothes, fancy house, vacations, etc. The Church should support the family, and that means encouraging a parent be at home when possible.

I'm not sure how I feel about church schools. It is my understanding that church schools started in the Catholic church because of anti-Catholicism. Lutheran schools were started in the age before homeschooling vs. public school, and I believe were started to give Lutheran students some catechesis as well as the education they would have received at a public school. I don't see anything wrong with that, since the children are presumably mostly children of church members and the church is proclaiming God's Word to them. Obviously however, a school is not a requirement, nor something that should take resources from the church that are needed elsewhere.

Lacking Words

Life is not exactly dull here, and I'm still keeping an eye on the world at large, but there isn't anything recently that has inspired me to share it. I'll post a few notes just to catch readers up with life in my little world.

Wildchild (who I may rename the Dancer) is disappointed that there are no dance classes in August. She'll be taking ballet, jazz and tap this fall and is looking forward to it. In some ways, she reminds me of the character of Posy, from Ballet Shoes, who "lived for nothing but her dancing classes," and "could only say and understand things with her feet."

The Scientist is going to horse camp for five hours a day all this week, and is enjoying herself except for the snotty girls. She's learning more about horses, which she enjoys; she loves animals. She has also made a new friend already, although who knows if she'll see her again after horse camp. The girl is living with her father right now, but will go back with her mother after the summer, and I don't know if the mother lives near. Obviously there are lots of larger issues with divorce, but I feel frustrated with how hard it is for my girls to maintain friendships with children of divorce; it seems like a good bit of their "free" time is spent away with the other parent. It just occurred to me that if I had been younger when my parents divorced, I could have lived through the same thing, and I would have hated it. As it was, they divorced when I was in college, so I was independent in the view of the state.

We haven't done much Olympics watching around here. Mr. EG is almost anti-Olympics, being interested in very few sports and thinking the Olympics are over-hyped, so it's not on when he's home. I should find a schedule somewhere and find out when the equestrian events are on for the Scientist, except that she's gone five hours a day, and most of the riding seems to be already over.

I've often been rather skeptical of the "God provides everything you need" crowd, not because I don't trust in God's Providence, but because it often seems to be used as a reason to give more to the church than you can afford, and "trust God" to make up the shortfall. However, Mr. EG's car just died, and the problems are not worth putting more money into with this vehicle. We had just gotten a substantial amount of money from the government that we were owed, so we were able to afford a "new" car without taking out a loan, which does seem rather Providential.

So, I guess I found some words after all. Perhaps I just need the discipline to force myself to post more often!

Rights

I'm seeing examples in the news where people's rights are being or may be taken away, whether it's the right to live while not wearing a headscarf, or the right to have children without being taxed yearly because of their very existence (carbon footprints, y'know), but for homeschoolers, the decision of a German court (h/t Dana) in the case of a family that wishes to homeschool their children is a definite blow to their rights, and the rights of all parents there. Here's a quote from the decision:

"The mental and emotional welfare of the children is lastingly endangered because the first Party rejects and hinders the school education which is important for the development of the children in a pluralistic society. It is a moot point whether the home education of the children ensures an adequate transfer of knowledge, as children should also grow up in communal life."

Then there's some gibberish about "tolerance, the ability to stand up for oneself and to uphold a conviction that dissents with that of the majority." Hullo, isn't that just what the parents were trying to do in this case? Uphold their convictions to homeschool in dissent of the majority of Germans? Guess you can only stand up for yourself until the State squashes you down.

I'm reminding myself that God has allowed evil rulers to unleash evil in certain areas for a season, and that He is with us no matter what principalities and powers may do. For I know very well that there are people in this country who would agree with this court decision, who want the State to have the ultimate authority over parents. May God protect and keep us.

I Guess I'm Not a Christian

At least from the point of view of some as expressed by this blogger, who explains in greater detail James Dobson's statement that Fred Thompson is not a Christian, in that Thompson is not an evangelical Christian. Reading this blogger's explanations on how baptism can rate below asking Jesus into your heart, making a decision, etc., makes me sick to my stomach. It takes me back to one of the worst times in my life, when a teacher at my Lutheran high school was pulling the same song and dance, that being a Christian or not depended on what I did, not what God did for me. I was miserable, upset, confused almost to the point of insanity, wondering if I was pleasing God, if I meant my prayers, if I was really a Christian when I couldn't point to an experience in my life when I was "saved." I knew deep down I didn't need one experience to point back to in order to "prove" my Christianity, but I still felt like I must not measure up in God's eyes. Well, if my Christianity, my standing with God, my eternal future, depend on what I do; then I'm eternally doomed, because I can't do anything on my own. All my righteousness, all my "sinner's prayers," all my "decisions" are as filthy rags before the one true and righteous Judge. Instead, I am clothed with Christ through baptism, united with him in His death and His resurrection, and I daily put off the old man and put on the new. Simul iustus et peccator.

This Is Awesome

As in the sense of inspiring awe. What a beautiful thing God's creation is. This pic is the Astronomy Picture of the Day, but I am linking directly to the photographer's website so the pic can be seen after today. I remember once seeing a thunderstorm coming in over Lake Erie, and it was a beautiful sight, but nothing like this once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Fireworks, lightning and a comet in one place.

You might want to bookmark the APOD. It's especially nice for those keenly interested in stars, black holes, nebulas, planets, all those fascinating things out there.

(Wo)man Plans...

God laughs. Well, okay, I don't think God is laughing that my sniffles yesterday turned into a body-aches, stuffy ears cold and I feel like death warmed over today. But the main idea behind that quote is true, that I had a big day planned and now I will be happy to get the basics of school, dishes and laundry done. Fortunately, my girls are big enough to help. The Scientist made pasta for lunch, and thawed a bag of meat sauce that my husband had made up ahead of time. She can also start the washing machine! Then it's back to gently reminding them to do their school assignments. At least for the first five times.

What Price Living?

Sometimes it seems as though I see things in a pattern. Right now, so much that I see is telling me of the breakdown of respect and value for life. Our government wants to use our money to destroy human life, on the chance of possibly helping or saving human life sometime in the future. If this is acceptable, how long will it be before the premise of the sci-fi movie my husband was watching last night comes true - clones created to serve as "parts factories" for the "original" humans? The wealthy and unscrupulous making more money by creating and selling life, the unwitting clones living a life of lies and false memories, while the wealthy benefactors are assured that their "parts suppliers" are "not human."

We have already decided that embryos are not human, which has lead us onward to abort unborn babies and abandon newborns in dumpsters. Well, we've moved up to two-year-olds being left in dumpsters too. Human life seen as so much trash.

But even though the most vulnerable, children, see the repercussions first when we begin to see life as expendable, apparently to some on the left, even adults can be seen as "not human" if we have the wrong views.

I think "never again" needs to be replaced with "over and over again." Without the certainty that each of us has been fearfully and wonderfully brought into being, with an eternal future, without the knowledge that God cares for and has plans for all of us, what will humans not do to prolong and enrich their own desperate, grasping lives? If we do not want to become the same as any other animal fighting for supremacy and survival, we need to care for all lives.