I Will

No, Sheila Jackson Lee, I will not shut up. I will not go to hell, Maxine Waters. I don't blog about politics often, but I blog about whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it. If I want to say that people only vote for you out of greed and stupidity, I will. If I want to say that America should come first, and not the color of our skin, I will. If I want to say that I hope the voters kick both of you out on your asses and send you to the unemployment line where your policies have already sent so many, I will. I won't be intimidated by the likes of you.

Getting It Done

To do a to do list or not to do a to do list? :) I go back and forth. If I have a list, I can start to feel pressured and overwhelmed. If I don't have a list, I often forget things that I wanted to accomplish for that day. Getting into better habits might help overall with not forgetting things, but one day isn't like another around here anymore! I'm liking this stage of my life, though, however busy. I really enjoy being around my girls.

How the Other Half Lives

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week, I spent a lot of time away from home because of various responsibilities. I wasn't a working mom, but I did feel a lot like it--the extra stress, not being home to do chores or cook meals, less sleep. We did eat out and eat take-out. When no one is home to cook, you have to eat somehow. The dishes we did use at home piled up. By the end of Thursday night, I couldn't think straight. I missed casual times of talking with the girls. I even missed running the dishwasher! I don't think juggling a 40-hour work week would be for me.

Goodbye Sunlight

I may have to up my Vitamin D intake; I really crashed hard today. Mr. BTEG and his sister both suffer from levels of Vitamin D that can get low enough to be dangerous. It may have a bigger impact on our health than we think. It would help explain why people in third world countries don't seem to get autoimmune disorders, if the Vitamin D were a cause and not just a symptom.

Telephone

I'm finally getting around to expressing my concern about the lack of reading comprehension in our society. If someone can't read a simple sentence in a newsgroup correctly, what are the odds that they will be able to understand all of the facts given in something important, like an article or blog post sharing serious news?

Today, I'm reading the latest messages on a doll newsgroup. First poster talks about a certain doll just featured in a magazine. First of all, she gets the last name of the doll mixed up with the adjective used to describe the doll on the magazine cover. Okay, not going to quibble about that too much. Both words are commonly used in talking about sewing, and she got the name of the magazine right, so you can always go look for yourself. But then she says that the face paint on the doll looks like it was done by a kindergartener. To which the next person responds, yes, she does look like she could be in kindergarten. Um, what? I really don't think that's what person A meant/wrote. It's like that game we played in grade school; the farther along the road you get, the more "off" things are.

The Modern Sewer

Anyone else have an Android phone and not an iPhone? I got an issue of my sewing magazine the other day, and one of the features was ten sewing apps. Before I even turned to the page, I said to myself, "I bet most of them will be for the iPhone." Well, I wasn't *entirely* right. In actual fact, 9 out of 10 were iPhone exclusive. Mr. BTEG tells me that there as many apps out there for the Android as there are for the iPhone, but not for the stuff that I'm interested in. I have found one knitting app, called County, which helps you keep track of which row you're on. I can't even find a grocery list app that I like.

Another problem I have with sewing magazines is that too many of the projects assume you have an embroidery machine. And the embroidery is a big part of what makes the project. It just makes me feel poor and out of the loop, and I hate that.

On the other hand, there was a "survey" about how much fabric people have in their stashes. I'm a total piker compared to a lot of these women, but that, I'm totally cool with. I feel guilty about how much of a stash I have as it is. Although I'm getting to a point where more and more of it is leftover bits that are big enough that I don't like to throw them away.

Quick Complaint

I hate it when people are more interested in riding off on their hobby horse than actually listening to what you are trying to say. Especially people whose job involves listening, ostensibly.

Hope

One of the only things that keeps me going, is hope. Yes, I have a wonderful husband and two great daughters, and we live in a nice area of metro Cleveland. But in a lot of other ways, we are struggling. I don't want to stay where we are for the rest of my life. I want things in some areas to improve. And without hope that better things might be coming, I could very easily fall into despair.

It's important to say, though, that I can't depend on anyone else for this hope, besides Mr. BTEG. We share common dreams and goals, and work towards things together. Yes, God does send his blessings to all. But things won't necessarily fall out of the sky either. Sometimes God provides for us by giving us the means to earn our daily bread instead of dropping manna. And depending on an other human is a sure way to be disappointed. The dreams that Mr. BTEG and I share are very personal to us. To hope that some great consortium of people will accomplish exactly what you desire is to forget the complexity and conflicting interests of humans. And to hope that there is some benevolent being out there, besides God, who will just give you everything you need, is just a pipe dream. Not even God gives you everything you need with no effort on your part. And you definitely don't get everything you want, either.

I'm going to accomplish a few things today towards some of my dreams!

Life's Little Oddities

For a desperately needed mental lift for the Evil Genius, three members of the Evil Genius family went to our nearest Winking Lizard restaurant. As we were seated, surrounded by large televisions, I was irked that the baseball game on was between the evil Red Sox and the even eviller Yankees. So we get the game on our TV turned to the Indians. Heaven. So there I am watching the game, eating a delicious Angus burger, jamming to a cool song (it was Pulling Mussels by Squeeze if you must know) and I realize my husband and the Dancer are not really into the game (or the music.) Not only that, but I start watching a preseason football game on another television involving the Evil Team that my husband roots for, and he's not interested in that either. I love Mr. Evil Genius more than anyone else, but not only am I the biggest sports fan in the house, but the man of the house isn't really all that big on sports. Heh.

Oh, and my family really hates it when I jump up and down screaming while one of the Browns runs into the endzone. Yelling and sticking my hands up in the air when an Indians player goes yard is slightly more tolerated.

Wondering Why

Oh dear. I'm frustrated, and sometimes angry, and sometimes even getting scared. The only way I can describe is that it feels like there is some bad mojo somewhere. Of course that's not Christian. But to say one feels under Satan's attack seems over-dramatic. And then I do feel like such a small insect in the vastness that is God's creation.

Facebook Etiquette

The Musician hung out over the summer for a day with a friend from another town, and on the way back she gave me a lesson on Facebook etiquette. When you've been somewhere with a friend, you have to post about it on Facebook. But not right away. But definitely later that day. Also, the exhuberance of your post depends on whether the person is your *best* friend or just a friend or whatever. If the person is your *best* friend, your post will go along the lines of "Just had the BEST day EVER with Jane!!!" "Had fun with Jane today" works if the person is just a regular friend. It's like modern day Victorian calling cards!

Moody

I'm starting to wonder about myself. Well, not really, but I am starting to wonder if my "cycling" is normal. Not the bipolar cycling, which I expect, but just getting through the day cycling. There isn't a day lately where I don't feel discouraged or depressed for at least part of the time. I can usually work my way up to guardedly hopeful, which is the best I get these days. Whether it's because I'm trying to protect myself, or because I see lots of bad signs about the future, I don't know. I do know that the more I do, the better I feel. Climbing out of depression to "do" is the hard part.

Running Again

I found my machine oil. It was in a little crate with some other bathroom items. I keep it in the bathroom because, where else is easier to clean up if some of the oil happens to spill?

We're going to be very busy for a while here, and I hate having so much on my plate. Curriculum night at the middle school tonight, ice cream social for the high school marching band tomorrow. Fortunately, Daddy will be the one taking the girls school supply shopping on Saturday. I will probably be the one taking the girls shopping for a few new clothes. Next week, marching band preview night, then the first day of school. Then the football games start, then the dance classes start. I guess it will keep me out of trouble. :)

Needing Dusted Off

I'm really trying to be good and get some sewing done, but I can't find my sewing machine oil, and both of my machines really need it. Mr. BTEG says he has some out in his shop that I can use, but the whole day will be gone by the time he gets home. His shop is nowhere organized or neat, which is why I have to wait for him. It's really important for me to take advantage of times when I feel up, because I have far too many down times when not much gets accomplished.

I'm also tired of how dusty things get. I hate having to dust things around here before I can use them. I'm starting to think I would love to have everything in big cabinets with doors. Maybe some of them could have glass doors so you could see what was in them, although we have a bookcase out in the garage that still needs a glass door replaced after the Dancer broke it many years ago. We'd just have to make sure the cabinets reached all the way up to the ceiling, so the tops wouldn't gather... dust.

Nostalgia For What Wasn't

I am going through some of our homeschooling books that didn't get a lot of use, so I can sell them. I remember all the plans I made and looking forward to using the books with the girls. I am sorry that my plans never really worked out. Oh, the girls did learn somehow, since they were able to transition into public school. But most of the plans I had didn't work out. The girls and I did have some nostalgic moments, however, going through some of their old work, especially the art work. Which is funny in a way because they don't do much creative art work on their own, but they did seem to enjoy what was assigned to them. So I'm thankful for what we did have, but still feeling a bit of nostalgia for what never was.

Garden Woes

The container gardening hasn't been an entire failure, but it hasn't been as successful as I envisioned late this spring. I think we'll get one pepper off of the pepper plant. Anyone know if this is normal? We are getting tomatoes, but due to a failure to stake the plants better as they got taller, we won't get as many tomatoes as we should have. The Dancer is at least enjoying a few tomatoes every few days. The oregano looks rather sad. I suppose we may be able to chop what there is, up. Strawberries failed to materialize.

The problems as I see them were: 1. An especially rainy spring. The plants got overly soggy to the point where they were sitting in water. We did our best to drain the containers and moved the plants in when it rained, but the responsibility of lugging containers around, I think became discouraging.
2. Our patio faces south. This discourages us from spending much time out there, thus kind of forgetting about the plants. I would like to get some kind of large umbrella or other shade, but the cost is rather prohibitive.

Oh, and I planted some lilies-of-the-valley in front, in the shade. There didn't seem to be much to them, just a scrawny bit of root. I have lost all hope of them since the landscaping crew that maintains our development came and dumped a bunch of mulch on top of these little twigs sticking up. I wonder if transplanting some larger plants from someone who has some would work better. I think I mentioned before that I tried lilies before many years ago and got nothing then as well.

The price of food being what it is, I still think it is worth giving container gardening another try next spring. Actually, I would like to get some more containers so that we can grow more food. We'll see where things stand next spring. I will also put some ornamental bulbs in this fall.

Quick Question

So you're sitting outside with your friends on a summer evening. It's a lovely, if slightly humid, night, in a peaceful neighborhood. A little alcohol may add to the enjoyment, but does being drunk and loud really add anything?

I Want My MTV

I was just about to start my eighth grade year when MTV debuted. It was the coolest thing ever! I hadn't remembered the MTV logo flashing on the moon flag, but I found that so awesome back then. Now so much of it looks so cheesy! The open shirt on Mark Goodman! Oooh, edgy!

Sirius Radio already features four of the original MTV VJs as the hosts of the 80's on 8 channel. They did a tribute show today, playing the songs in order as the videos appeared on TV. They also had guests in like Pat Benatar. The reactions of the VJs ranged from "Good times, good times" to "I can't believe we played this dreck." After hearing Nina Blackwood back then versus Nina today, I also think she's smoked about two packs a day since then. Here then, is the first ten minutes of MTV.

The Dreary Night

Sometimes I hate the night. Often I feel a disconnect with normal life. Nothing seems to have any value. I wonder why anything is worth putting in any effort. Trying to get to sleep at home after I got out of the hospital was particularly difficult. Everything seemed empty and meaningless, yet I needed to think of something positive in order to get to sleep.

My medicine can often make me very drowsy at night, which means what little "nightlife" I had is pretty much gone. I can certainly put off taking my meds to a later hour, but when your body is used to feeling drowsy at a certain time, it can still be hard to mess up your schedule. It's best for me to stay on a good schedule, anyway.

I actually feel better typing this post. Just knowing that you all are out there is comforting. I suppose it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I don't feel alone with my family spinning on a little ball out in space. There is companionship and fellowship out there to pull me out of myself.

Down Day

Tired and discouraged tonight. I've been busy for the last few days, however, so I'm expecting to feel better tomorrow. I am disappointed because I thought I'd found a support group for people with mental illnesses, but they don't appear to still be running, or at least not on the schedule that I found. Why is it so hard to meet people? Too tired to go into any detailed analysis of my thoughts on the subject, so discuss among yourselves. :)