Can't Wait to Be Done

I'm glad that the suggestion for students in the United States to go to school year-round has never gotten much momentum, because I really need a break. A long break. And it's not even like we're going to be sitting around all summer. The girls have another Higher Things conference, the Dancer will be taking several classes for the six week summer dance season, the Musician has gotten a job working with the high school theatrical tech crew and of course she will be involved in marching band. Mr. BTEG and I will be taking a short trip to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. But the pace will be so much more laid back and relaxed, and I need that. I'm so sick of just about everything, and I'm hoping to refreshed and ready to start "normal" life again in the fall.

How the Other Half Lives

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week, I spent a lot of time away from home because of various responsibilities. I wasn't a working mom, but I did feel a lot like it--the extra stress, not being home to do chores or cook meals, less sleep. We did eat out and eat take-out. When no one is home to cook, you have to eat somehow. The dishes we did use at home piled up. By the end of Thursday night, I couldn't think straight. I missed casual times of talking with the girls. I even missed running the dishwasher! I don't think juggling a 40-hour work week would be for me.

The Good, the Bad, the Not Really There Yet

Today was a difficult day. Some of it was due to... stuff that happens. Like the battery dying in our car, so that the Dancer and I missed her first summer jazz class and our first Mom/Daughter summer ballet class. The Musician not being careful enough with bleach, so my only wear-out-shirt now has bleach spots. But some of it was related to my old enemy, bipolar. It's a difficult line to walk. I'm not the kind of person to just go off her medication. It's not really any fun in the long run. Heck, since I tend to cycle rather quickly, it's not very fun in the short run, either. But the medication does not exactly make you normal. Some of the parts of you that were good can get lost on the medication, and you miss them. I'm going to have a chat with my psychiatrist and see if a change might help. At this point, I'm willing to try a little medication roulette if I can get back some of my energy and enthusiasm for life.

Driving Me Crazy

I'm so glad the weather is beautiful, because I feel like crud. Not because of any illness I have, but because I am just worn out today. Remember how I said it's always easier to solve other people's problems? Well, I feel like I've cut just about everything non-essential out of my life, and can't cut anymore. I think the real issue is that, only having one car, I'm spending a good deal of my life driving people around, and after all, Mr. BTEG can't stop going to work and the Musician can't stop going to high school, can they? And the Dancer, well, there are several good reasons for her to keep dancing. I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass. The Musician is gung ho to get her student driving license this summer; if all goes well she will be a real live licensed driver this coming winter.