A Night at Gatsby's

That was the theme for the Homecoming dance last night. Since we're a weird family, we thought it would be fun to actually go with the theme, instead of doing the usual and buying strapless dresses with skirts that barely cover the posterior. The Musician already had the lace dress; we just added some accessories to make it look more Twenties. I made the Dancer's dress out of a pre-ruffled stretch fabric. The headband that the Dancer is wearing was purchased at Claire's and can be worn as a regular headband, so she should get many uses out of it. She just wore it down over her forehead last night for a Twenties look.

We also had fun learning Twenties slang. Not surprising that much of it had to do with alcohol/criminal activity. We did learn that a "jelly bean" is a flapper's boyfriend.

On a side note, why spend money on a pair of shoes that you want to take off before you even get out of the car to go to the dance?

Popping In, Running Out

I am constantly running, it seems. Marching band four nights a week and sometimes events on Saturdays. Dance four days a week, seven classes total. And I am managing to fit more time for myself and things like sewing and knitting and study in there, even though other stuff sometimes gets let go. But this is the Musician's senior year. And the Dancer needs a lot of dance during the week to keep her strong enough for pointe, which she adores. And oh, I need to finish sewing the Dancer's Homecoming dress today, so I'm going to work on that right now. I'll be back soon, though!

Wordless Wednesday

Changes

I am at one of those times where I find my life and my interests changing. I'm not exactly interested in anything *new,* I just find my priorities shifting. Part of that is because while I'm many years away from an empty nest, my daughters are becoming more independent. The Musician should be getting her driver's license within the next few months, which will be an enormous help. We had been putting it off, but this year the Musician has a wonderful opportunity. She is taking five classes at the high school, but she will also be spending part of her time either at the local community college, or student teaching at schools here in our town. She wants to be a teacher, and will be earning college credit for this, so it is fantastic that a senior in  high school can already try out student teaching. However, this will involve a lot of driving around, so we decided it was better to pay the few hundred dollars for driving school than have me schlepping her around all day.

This will give me more time for me, which I could really use. I want to get into sewing more seriously. I want to get in to sewing doll clothes more, but a big priority is also clothes for the family. I am down to wearing a t-shirt my husband wore while he was working at Applebee's over ten years ago, as one of my "at-home" shirts. Even buying store clothing on sale can add up, especially for plus-size me, so sewing at least a few things will be worth it.

Plus, the Musician needed new band shoes; her old ones were literally held together with duct tape and I insisted she needed something better for her senior year. And it looks like the Dancer will need pointe shoes every five to six months. Yes, that's a lot of money. The thing is, she's good at dance, and honestly this is the time for her to study it, especially pointe. She'll never had this chance again, and for that matter, the Musician will never be in high school again, so I want them to get all the experiences that they want, and we can afford. By the way, did you know professional ballerinas can destroy a pair of pointe shoes in a night???

Lastly, knitting. I have so many projects that I want to do, that I need to put more time into it if I'm going to have a hope of making meaningful progress on the list. I'm not a very fast knitter, but maybe with more regular practice, I can become one.

A Beginning and an Ending

This week the Musician will start her senior year of high school, and the Dancer will begin her freshman year. I can tell it's going to be a crazy year, because the crazy has already started. Band camp was Monday through Friday last week, and both girls went to two of the unofficial social events after band camp: eating at Red Robin, and going bowling. The Dancer is not in band, but her sister and two of her friends are now, so she went along to socialize. Today both girls had TWO birthday parties after church. I was supposed to pick them up at eight; got a text that said they would be there longer. Ah well. They will only be this young once.

Where I Have Free Speech

I belong to Ravelry, a knitting and crocheting community of forums, patterns, etc. On a forum about copyright laws, a regular poster, we'll say Ann, completely off-topic and completely off-forum, praised a comment that someone else, we'll say Jane, left at a New York Times article site, and how wonderful it was. I then had the joy of witnessing at least a three-way lovefest going about how wonderful Ann, Jane and someone else who jumped in, Susie, all are, because they are all so outspoken. I don't know much about what happened after that, because after I got no response to flagging Ann's post, I left the forum. I flagged Ann's original post, since I thought it extremely inappropriate to take something essentially about politics (because Jane's comment was political) and throw it in someplace completely off-topic, instead of sending a private message. But since I got no response from a forum moderator, and since I would get flagged myself if I tried to respond over there, I'm going to respond to Jane's "brilliant" reasoning here. Basically, Jane is an idiot.

Our hapless poster Jane loves her some Paul Krugman, first of all. She was responding to a Paul Krugman NY Times article in agreement. Paul Krugman, former Enron economic adviser. The one who says, "Debt? Why worry?" Who thinks austerity is stupid. Because the answer to having spent so much money that we're drowning it debt, is: Spend more! A man who seriously thinks creating a trillion dollar coin will help our financial woes. Why not make a two trillion dollar coin, and get us out of debt twice as fast, Paul? And who is also the genius who said: "when the economy’s depressed it’s good to run a deficit. You don’t want the government to try and balance its budget right now." and that we "can’t run out of cash because we print the money." "What do you mean, I don't have money in my bank account! I still have checks!" Krugman's economic ideas are naive and idealistic at best, deceitful lies at worst. In short, as Monty puts it at AoS just today, Krugman is "a little ratty dog who exists only to yap and pee on the rug." Would *you* trust him to run your household accounts?

This woman than proceeds to throw out some sentences and makes conclusions with no logic to link her conclusions, or even facts. 1. The Eisenhower freeway system and the Hoover dam are really cool. 2. We don't build stuff like that today. 3. It's all Reagan's fault from when he told us not to trust the government. Well, bless her heart. First of all, leftists are trying to get rid of the gasoline-powered engine and they're blowing up dams to save fish. Well, you reply, we just need to build things that are more applicable to our needs today. Like, say monorails! Monorails are such great ideas, and if they don't actually make any profit, we can just print more money, right? Oh, and let's spend $200 million on electric car companies! We've got $535 million to spend on solar panels, don't we? And somebody called Elon Musk has done such a good job running companies such as Tesla, he deserves even more taxpayer money to build something else. And no, we're not talking about Musk's $17 million dollar mansion. So cheer up, "Jane." The government is already spending plenty of your money. The problem is it's spending plenty of my money too, not to mention my daughters' money. And oddly enough, I'm on Reagan's side when he says not to trust the government. I wonder why?

ETA: I dug back and found "Jane's" comment, so you can read her shining brilliance for herself. Go here, then go to the reader picks under comments. She is number one. I also lol'd at the second top pick. We poor idiots don't actually want GOP representatives, we've been "convinced" that we do. Of course, my representatives, GOP or otherwise, aren't really representing me, and the GOP ones are being accused of selling out their base, but that's a whole 'nother blog post or ten.

Quick Observation

This article is making the rounds of Twitter and the conservative blogs, and there certainly is a lot to say about it. Women who dropped out of the work force to raise their children are appalled because while they were watching the children, they were also expected to do things like sweep!!! and they are bitter because they cannot simply move back into their half-a-million dollar earning jobs once they re-enter the work force. One of Ace's cobloggers Monty makes an excellent case for how selfish the woman in this article are, and how little they understand of how the world actually works. The contribution I have time to add to this at the moment is personal, but well worth saying.

Yes, there can be sacrifices in staying at home with the kids, and not just from the financial perspective. But Mr. BTEG has made plenty of sacrifices in our marriage to fulfill his role as breadwinner that maybe those wealthy shrews at the NY Times can't appreciate. For one, there was the time when he took a job waiting tables during the eight months time when he couldn't find a job in his field. He was working 60-80 hours a week, and mostly seeing our daughters when I brought them into the restaurant to see their father/eat a meal that his manager often comped for us. After that, he took a job where he was away for a good bit teaching the client about the product for a week at a time. Mostly difficult of all might be when he took a job as a consultant in Chicago, and he was mostly away from home for seven months in all. He missed his family, but he did what he had to do to support us. That's the kind of stuff that gets ignored by these whiners. Then again, this article seems to be only for the elite anyway, not for those families where sacrifice is seen as a matter of course.

Now I'm Just Sick

One of my favorite sites, Ravelry, started for the knitting and crochet community, is honestly very good about frowning on politics in unrelated forums, but of course some people just can't keep their mouths shut, and so it has popped up yet again. A saw something B had posted in response to a Krugman NY Times article, and instead of PM'ing B, just had to post a comment in an unrelated forum and thread on Ravelry telling B how wonderful she is. I'm so sick of politics EVERYWHERE! And in my experience, it's always liberals who bring it up. They just can't keep their freakin' mouth shut about politics anywhere. American Girl doll boards, knitting forums, it doesn't matter. B has already had at least one comment moderated elsewhere for dragging in politics, but I guess A and B figure everyone at that forum believes the same as they do, so it's fine to talk about it. Again, this isn't Ravelry's fault, but then again they have over three million users, so if I'm not using the forums, it won't really matter in the big scheme of things.

She Believes That Children Aren't the Future

NakedDC gives yet another example of women who proclaim how wonderful it is not to have children. And in this day and age, you certainly do have control over whether or not you are punished with a child. Just don't turn around and expect my daughters to pay for your Medicare and Social Security. After all, with all that extra money you saved by not burdening yourself with offspring, you had plenty to put away for your future, right?

I Don't Get This

I'm not going to post the picture here, but if you don't want to go look, or if for some reason you're here past the lifetime of this picture on etsy, it's a pattern for an applique cross, with a large circle in the middle For. Your. Monogram. That's right, take a cross and slap your initials right in the middle. That INRI stuff, that's so old and busted. The new hotness is to put yourself in the middle of the cross. Honestly, I'm not sure where the creator of this applique was going with this one.

As Seen About Town

There is another car in this area with the license plate Tardis 1, so apparently there are a lot of Doctor Who fans in this area. Also, don't forget the house that had the Tardis land on its front porch.

 

This young lady was standing outside the house of a classmate of the Musician's, late in the afternoon. There are way too many deer in this area, but too many people don't want the deer culled, for various stupid reasons. Some idiots have actually suggested driving slower, so when the cars hit the deer the damage is not as bad. O.o  Deer being hit by autos is not the only problem, however. They are eating too much of the local foliage, and there at least two almost albino bucks wandering around within a few miles of each other, which to me indicates there may be too much inbreeding.

I'm Goin' Off the Rails

Okay, Pauli, I see your Thunderbusters, and raise you Take Me on the Crazy Train.

Movies and Nostalgia

I was reading a discussion today about the success of the Transformers franchise versus the relatively poor showing of Pacific Rim, and had one thought: Pacific Rim did not have the built-in audience of grown men who played with Transformers as little boys. As the Dancer admitted, she will be going see the live-action My Little Pony movie when it comes out twenty-five years from now. And I'm sure the Musician will be going with her.

Bad Signs for a Future

For a city, one of whose best attributes at times is that at least we are not Detroit, the news of Detroit's bankruptcy should leave the city of Cleveland wondering if we are next. I say should, because there may still be a chance to pull this city back. I'm not sure that's likely to happen, given how many people refused to acknowledge that Detroit was in such grave trouble, but at the very least we may gain some sort of timetable as to how soon Cleveland will also slide off of the cliff. It's discouraging to see Detroit's abysmal literacy rate ranked with areas of Cleveland, for sure. It's sad to see that children with Down's Syndrome have a higher literacy percentage, at least according to this site. Surely almost half of Detroit's population is not severely learning disabled, is it?

I'm not really an expert on Cleveland city schools, but I do know that the superintendent of said schools pulls in around six figures, which seems rather criminal, given the job results. I also know from personal experience that teaching a child to read does not need a teaching degree or fancy materials. In my case, I was willing to take a lot of time, had the ability to take as much time as was needed without the stigma of my daughter falling behind peers, had the advantage of one-on-one time, and had a child who was generally obedient about doing her work, and knew she was expected to learn. I'm sure all of these things are lacking to a certain extent in the Cleveland public school system, especially the one-on-one time. What would be useful would be being able to address a problem individually in the case of a child from a negative environment, or in a classroom in the case of a poor teacher. The parents blame the teachers, and the teachers blame the parents, but ultimately I think the responsibility should lie with the parents. The mayor is in direct control of the schools, and the mayor, in my mind, ought to be under the direct control of his constituents. But maybe I'm biased, because in our own case, faced with a parochial school which wasn't challenging our daughter, and a public school district in academic emergency, we decided to do it ourselves. It often seems to be the way to go if you want something done right.

h/t to Bookworm Room.

Taking Care of Business

On a international crafting forum, someone who does not reside in the US was complaining because her PayPal account had fallen victim to fraud. She was angry because PayPal was making her pay for the fraudulent charges, when there was no way she could have made them, because she was in the hospital giving birth! I sympathize with victims of fraud, and it can happen to anyone. It's a headache getting things sorted out, although usually you can work to get fraudulent charges removed without having to pay them. This person claims no one at PayPal is willing to work with her. Someone else said her husband had fraudulent PayPal charges show up, and although it took a lot of work, things did get taken care of in the end. Perhaps the fact that the original poster does not live in the US means she is getting poorer customer service, which of course is not right, but may help explain her difficulties. On the other hand, it almost sounded like she was simply expecting PayPal to take her giving birth story at face value, and that's just not what a business does. Does the general public not know anything about running a business anymore?

In the comments section, people were looking for all kinds of alternatives to PayPal. The problem right now is: there isn't any. Not that handles so many countries and so many different currencies, at a reasonable price. And why would a handful of people running a international forum site want to get into the difficulties and risks of handling international transactions anyway? Bottom line is that right now PayPal is the only game in town.

Unfortunately, the take away from this by the original commenter? Maybe some nice, crafting-friendly person will someday start an alternative to PayPal. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing a PayPal competitor. As I just said above, right now the business has a monopoly. However, if such a competitor actually enters the market, it won't matter if the founder is "nice" or enjoys sewing or woodworking. What a business founder really needs? Money. In the LEGO community, there was at least at one time a system where if two people wanted to buy/sell LEGO, but they didn't know each other, a trusted third person would agree to receive the funds and let the seller know it was safe to ship. But that's one transaction, in a community where the most trusted people were often known in real life to many in the group. Heck, Mr. BTEG and I even had dinner with one of the big names in LEGO collecting, when the Musician was just a wee little thing. But expecting to run an international business? You'd better have some start-up capital, and expect to gain trust slowly. And sharing a hobby with someone else in private life, does not change how fraud needs to be handled in public life. I do hope this woman can work through the fraud issues, but it won't be because the business is "nice."

What's in a Name

More Hollyweird stuff! This time it's a Rebecca Romijn, who says eventually she's going to change her last name to her husband's, because she predicts that eventually, her daughters will wonder why they don't all have the same last name (they're four.) Which led to several people in the comments insisting that you don't have to have the same name to be a family, darn it! Yes, it definitely feels good to be all inclusive and open and accepting of everything. But considering that many of these same people are probably also fine with the break-up of the family via divorce, or the aborting of a family member, should we believe them? Or are too many people just parroting the standard phrases of the day because they've been told that's how the "right" people think? After all, is the family stronger overall right now, or weaker? How often have you heard "straights" have already messed up marriage so much, that gay marriage won't damage the institution any more?

I happen to think that the name *does* make a difference. We are the Evil Genius family, and in being so, we are part of something greater than ourselves. By birth, I am linked by blood to all of my female forebears. But I am also tied to all the women who produced the men in my husband's lineage, by name. I am one of a long line of Evil Genius women, and sometimes I am sorry there will be no more Evil Genius women directly after me. But my daughters will take their identities of what the Evil Genius family shares, the things that make us the Evil Genius *family*, and carry that to their new families. They will still be part of their father and I by blood, but part of their new family, the family they create, by name.

Being "Equal" Can Mean Messing Up Equally Too

I have a confession. When I get too frustrated reading political news (which happens more and more often these days,) I take some time away and read celebrity gossip instead. Which lead me to a tidbit about how Natalie Portman's new movie project is in trouble even in the midst of production. What's hilarious is how the writer tries to keep any of the blame from actually falling on the star and producer of this film, Portman herself. First of all, Portman and her crew may just be too smart for us: "Because it seems like something that would happen with Natalie and her friends, like they are too intellectual to function in normal society, not to mention a film set where you actually have to make firm decisions." Um, yeah. Is this writer serious? I'm not actually sure. I mean, Hollyweird is not normal society anyway, and a great number of the elite in that society would be asking you if you wanted fries with that if they had to live a regular life. And being intellectual keeps you from making firm decisions? Uh huh. I'm sure all the emergency room doctors, for example, stand around saying "I'm sooo smart; I just can't deciiiiiiide! Do I intubate or operate or what?"

But of course, people may also be talking trash about her because she's... a woman! In other words, we poor little women are still suffering from evil stereotyping by men. In reference to her supposedly terrible temper, "maybe she's (Portman) just bossy and men can’t handle it." Or, you know, maybe she actually does have a terrible temper. Although why a man or a woman would want a supervisor that's bossy doesn't make sense either, so?

Bottom line, if women want be treated equally, they'll have to take the same chances men do of failing, as well as succeeding. Maybe Star Magazine just wanted a nice gossipy story. Maybe Natalie Portman really does suck as a producer. In any case, if the movie totally tanks, the producer should get a big share of the blame, man or woman.

Starting Anew

God must know that we humans need lots of chances for new beginnings, because we get them so often. Lately, I've been needing a fresh start every morning, but that's a great time to start! Happy new week!

For Better or Worse

It's interesting that the whole idea of marriage is coming up for me now, as Mr. BTEG and I will be celebrating our twentieth wedding anniversary this Wednesday. By the world's standards, we apparently married shockingly young: I was a month short of 25, and Mr. BTEG had recently turned 23. I would have liked to marry sooner; Mr. BTEG and I had been officially engaged for about a year and a half by then, and unofficially engaged for longer than that. But we waited until Mr. BTEG was through with college (and getting married while in college could be a whole other topic.)

Well, one advantage to marrying younger is having children younger. I think the difficulties of conceiving the older you get are getting swept under the rug in view of things like IVF or even surrogates. But those aren't easy or guaranteed, so I wouldn't advise depending on them. Of course, some people unfortunately cannot conceive at all, and I know that brings deep pain. But if you can, why not have children younger, when you have more energy and can bounce back quicker? In my case, neither of my pregnancies were easy, nor were my deliveries. My youngest ended up being an emergency C-section, and I'm sure recovering from that was much easier at 30 than it would have been at 35.

Being married didn't hinder Mr. BTEG's career, either. We knew we didn't want to live in a big metropolitan area like New York, Chicago or LA, but Cleveland and Columbus were just the right sizes to offer him many choices in IT anyway. I'll admit that me being a stay-at-home wife/mother for most of our marriage made it easier to move to different locations, but I would have had job opportunities as well. And IT guys typically move around quite a bit, so even at thirty Mr. BTEG was not completely settled down at the company he was going to work at for the rest of his life. How many people even do that anymore?

Of course, if one of us had wanted a career that involved more schooling, that would have made things harder. But unless you have wealthy parents or a sugar daddy (don't get me started on that) you have to feed, clothe and house yourself while you are getting more schooling anyway. If you've met the right person, why spend more money living apart?

And there is the crux of the matter for me: if you have met the right person. Mr. BTEG and I knew that we were right for each other, and that we wanted to be married. Our choices were: live together, live separately but keep seeing each other until we hit the "magic" age of 30, keep shopping the dating market and hope we found someone else we wanted to marry when we were older, look each other up again when we were both older and hope that we were still single, or... make a commitment to marry and deal with problems and changes and difficulties together. I will admit, Mr. BTEG has taught me a lot about commitment no matter what. Perhaps some of that is because I am a child of divorced parents, perhaps some of that is my mental instability. But I knew going into marriage that it should be for a lifetime, and I still think that after twenty years. It's incredibly freeing to have the stability and comfort of such a long relationship, and I recommend it. :)

The Marriage Mart

At one of my daughter's dance classes, I was appalled to hear one mother say that she was counseling her daughter to not get married until she was thirty. Instead the daughter should be focusing on her own life and on establishing her career. I was even more shocked and unhappy when one of my daughter's dance teachers agreed. As a matter of fact, I became furious, and had a hard time keeping my temper. I wasn't even sure why at the time I was so angry, except that the institution of the family is very important to me, and I hate to see it treated so casually. I think it especially ridiculous for a Christian (like my daughter's dance teacher) to be advocating such ideas. I've spent a while turning it over in my mind, and I've come up with some specific thoughts.

When I typed the second sentence, one of the reasons I've felt uncomfortable about this really stood out: it is all about the self. Focus on YOU and YOUR career. Get yourself comfortably set up, and then you can be ready to let someone else into your life. The problem is, and this is assuming you were brought up in a close family, for about nine years of your life, your focus will have been on you. This is not about people who are single because they haven't found the right one to marry, by the way. This is about those who are doing it for essentially selfish reasons, to get the most out of life for themselves before they even think about sharing that life with another human in the most intimate way possible. But after having lived for yourself for years on end, tasting the best life has to offer for someone with no commitment other than a career, and no one to spend your money other than your own whims, why settle down then?

In today's society, indeed, why settle down at all? There is no stigma attached to living together, not even in having children out of wedlock. And even if you don't find someone you want to shack up with, you can still be having plenty of sex. It seems to be a very tempting prospect; you can have a romantic relationship and sexual release on your own terms, and if it doesn't suit one or both of you, you can walk. But again, once you've lived that life for long enough, why change, and how well will you be able to commit to one person for the rest of your life after treating your relationships as temporary?

Of course, you can live with someone and call it committed without getting married. But that detracts from the whole point of what the mothers who want their daughters to put off getting married seem to want to avoid, and that is the pain of breaking up a relationship, and the annoyance of being stuck with an unpleasant ex if you have to deal with one because of shared children. Somehow if you wait until you are thirty, and have a successful career, you and your prospective spouse will be able to take on a committed relationship with extra assurance that it will work out. I will probably take on that idea soon. In the meantime, what do you feel think about putting off marriage?