I'm having a hard time blogging lately, and I feel at times like just giving it up. The problem is that blogging is one of the few ways I currently have of interacting with the outside world. I've been hesitating about how to write this, because I don't want it to sound like a big Pity Me thing. It's just that I have always found it hard to create real friendships, relationships. I used to think poorly of myself and blame myself for this. Now I wonder if the bipolar is mostly behind it. Becoming more aware of people who are bipolar, at least on the internet, shows that many of them have very few friends, among other things that we have in common.
Oddly enough, my parents did not have a lot of friends either. The people they socialized with the most were a group they had known since they started a "Young Couples' Club" at their church. They were fortunate I suppose in that all the couples stayed intact and in the same area for so many years, even after leaving for other local churches. My mother also is friendly with a former high school classmate, but they had lost track of each other until this classmate became the kindergarten teacher of myself and my sisters. My mother's closest friend all these years is a woman that met my mother at a vacation camp when they were young and single. My father really only seemed to have one friend from his past, and that man sadly killed himself about twenty years ago. Now that I think about it, it's odd that my father didn't keep up any friendships with, for example, people with whom he served in the Navy. Can you believe that only occurred to me while I was writing this?
I've thought about going to bipolar support groups in the area, but never seriously looked into it. I've had bad experiences trying to get involved in groups, and I have to admit I've made excuses about not going without knowing if they are valid, such as location or meeting times. I wonder if I would "click" better with bipolar people?