Compare and Contrast

I'm currently trying to get through a book called Inside the Victorian Home: A Portrait of Life in Victorian England. I'm not sure why I'm not more interested in the book, except maybe because it is certainly very discouraging. Given the way that women were pushed aside, children were viewed as nuisances, and girl children were seen as household servants, in the author's examples, I'm surprised any ideas of anything resembling a modern, intact family survived until today. And this book features middle-class families, not the poor who were busy trying to survive, nor the rich who handed the children to nannies and embarked on affairs. Anyway, the book has made me think about my own role in my family, compared to the role of women then as this book puts forth.

In some ways, you see, my tasks as a stay-at-home mother are not very different from what the book describes as the expected tasks: nurturing the family, running the household, performing any chores one's family couldn't afford to pay another to perform, perhaps even teach the children. Of course, if you look at the stories related by those who grew up inside the Victorian homes described in the book, mothers did not always do the best job, judging by today's standards. Infants were viewed as vampires, feeding off of their mothers. Middle-class mothers preferred to be as ignorant as possible regarding the daily care of their children. Mothers, because of their own poor education, were hopeless at keeping the household books, and made poor teachers for their daughters, and their sons, before the boys left for school. Yikes!

One of the points made in the book, however, was how little time mothers had for themselves, once they finished all the duties they were expected to perform, well done or not. But really, how much free time do mothers have today, whether they stay at home or work outside the home? Precious little, from what most moms say. Even women who don't have children often lament, on places like Ravelry, that they do not have time enough to pursue their outside interests, such as knitting. I often feel like I don't have time myself to do the things that I want, not that I have to do. Of course, Mr. BTEG feels the same way, and I'm sure Victorian husbands often felt they did not enough free time either. I just find that bit interesting. There may be much to pity Victorian women for, but there are things that we hold in common.

How the Other Half Lives

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week, I spent a lot of time away from home because of various responsibilities. I wasn't a working mom, but I did feel a lot like it--the extra stress, not being home to do chores or cook meals, less sleep. We did eat out and eat take-out. When no one is home to cook, you have to eat somehow. The dishes we did use at home piled up. By the end of Thursday night, I couldn't think straight. I missed casual times of talking with the girls. I even missed running the dishwasher! I don't think juggling a 40-hour work week would be for me.

Mother, Madre, Mutter

How will you celebrate Mother's Day? At La Casa de Evil Genius, we'll have a meal with my favorite foods: steak, potatoes and bread. Yes, I'm still a Philistine when it comes to food, and I don't think that will change.

Honestly, I never wanted to be anything other than a wife and mother. Yes, I do have my own interests and activities, but I wanted the main focus of my life to be caring for my family and for our home. Most of the time, I don't regret it at all. Sometimes I feel like the world has left me behind, but one of the benefits of having a loving family is having the strength of the others to draw on when one member is feeling discouraged. And after all, my husband and daughters are the ones for whom I work, so if they are happy, I can't be doing too badly, I suppose. :)

Trapped

I have little to no energy during the day. I get major things done, like dishes, shopping, and driving Mr. BTEG and the girls to where they need to be. Otherwise, I'm a slug. Then, too many late evenings, I am wide awake and full of energy. I'm already taking all of my medications at night, because they can cause drowsiness.

I'm trying to exercise during the day. It's not going very well. Walking bores me to tears, so I have to force myself to do it, and I don't have good shoes to walk in. I am trying to do some ballet, because I actually like that, but my body was complaining, so now I am trying to do stretches beforehand. I feel chunky and awkward doing ballet, even though I find it interesting, but it is not exactly aerobic, either. I used to love to bicycle, but don't have a bike and can't afford a bike, plus it's not practical for a good portion of a year in Ohio anyway. It's not a sufficient excuse, but I don't really have an athletic body. I am not only short, but I have short legs proportionate to my body as well. I feel awkward and funny-looking.

I'm trying to eat better, but it's difficult being such a picky eater. I have to literally force myself to eat a few grapes or some broccoli with dressing or butter. And those are tastes which I can live with. I wonder if my eating affects my energy, but I'm not sure of a correlation. For example, I got no real exercise today and my eating was only so-so, I was blah today but right now my mind is racing and I'm feeling more awake than I have all day.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist soon, so I will talk to her, but I'm not sure what will come of it. The main issue seems to be that I am mostly stable. Other than that, you get told to exercise or handed a pamphlet on healthy eating. I need a little bit of extra help and I'm not sure where to get it.

Not Absolute

My life is flying by, and I am feeling more and more caught up in the small but rewarding world of family. I am so thankful that we decided to stay in the same school district, even though it really limited our options for a new place. The girls' friendships with fellow students continue to grow and develop, and it would have been hard for them to start with a new bunch of kids this year. I think those who are natural extroverts and who make friends easily might find this hard to understand, but from the perspective of my husband and myself, this was the right choice.

I'm trying to be more active in the girls' schools this year. Signed up for the local PTA and was horrified to get an "advocacy alert" for a Congressional bill, with which I don't even agree! Our local PTA is part of some large email client, and the national PTA seems to want to use us for its agenda. Laura is also not a fan of the national PTA. When did this become a top-heavy, self-important organization, and not just some moms passing out candy canes at the Christmas holiday party?

As you might guess, I really hate this push for everything to be centralized and bureaucrat-ized. My guess at the reason is for the accumulation of power. Think about how much more "important" one would feel as the head of a national organization, telling people how to vote and making them fill out useless forms? At times it does sound nice to have the perks and privileges of the influential. A private jet instead of getting groped by the TSA is appealing at the moment, for example. Thinking about it, though, I don't know that I would be any happier in the long run. I can't imagine the climb to get and maintain power would help my soul. It wouldn't improve my relationships, which to me are what life is all about. How many people think beyond what will get them ahead today, though? How many people have gotten to the top and jumped off in despair?

Being Free

You know what's scary? When you realize your children are going to go their own way, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Oh, you see signs that she is her own person even in babyhood. My daughters started showing some of their strong personal characteristics VERY early on. But when they are young, you can still coerce them into being polite, working on schoolwork, sitting quietly in church, (occasionally) cleaning their rooms. Eventually, though, you come to the Moment. Even as a mid-life crisis can hit you like a bolt from the blue, though you've known all along that eventually you will get old and die, so too can the thought that someday your kids will be on their own and can make some serious mistakes, be startling.

Of course, there are many things that can help influence a child's development. In this category are not only how you raise the child, but what examples you set. When looking at people whom I know personally who have made mistakes in their lives, I can see how seeds of negative behavior were sown by the actions of others who had significant influences in their lives at an early age.

In the end, though, everybody makes their own choices in life. Though it can be daunting to think of my daughters out on their own, in a way it is freeing to think that in the end they are responsible for decisions they make, even as I am responsible for what I have done, no matter the bad things I can point to in my past. It is freeing because none of us can be perfect as parents, or as significant people in a child's life. We should strive for the best, so that our children are not too burdened with a poor start. But our best influences fade before personal choice. The best we can do is pray for the young people in our lives to make positive decisions.

Light Ahead

Today I'm starting to feel alive again, after being sick most of the week. I got a catalog in the mail filled with spring clothes that makes me feel that perhaps this cold weather won't last forever. Of course, there's the issue of digging money out of the budget to buy new clothes. :) But it's fun looking at the catalog. Ah, new spring clothes, in bright new colors!

Since I wasn't feeling well, and Mr. BTEG and the Dancer have caught the germs as well, not much has been going on around here. I've been knitting, since it's something I can do in bed. I have one strap left on the baby bib; I'm hoping I can re-attach the yarn successfully.

I'm looking forward to what I can do this week when I feel healthy again!

Stop the Insanity

Between dropping off and picking up the Scientist for horse camp all this week, seven doctor/dentist/etc. appointments for various members of the family in one week, and watching a neighbor's child for part of a day, I am remembering one of the reasons why I'm glad we homeschool: I hate running around. It has been kind of nice being on a schedule, but all the coming and going is making me dizzy!

Fighting Hibernation

The weather here in Cleveland has taken a serious turn towards cold, dark winter recently, and we're feeling its effects. While, thank God, my mood has not been seriously impacted, the girls are feeling some "cabin fever." Even into October, the weather was warm enough that they could spend a lot of time and burn up a lot of their energy outside. They don't quite know what to do with themselves now that they are spending most of their time indoors. On the plus side, this has driven them into actually putting some real effort into cleaning up their room. Hooray! As far as I can tell, they're 1)bored enough to actually do it and 2)wanting to have their room nice so they have a cool place of their own to hang out in indoors. I don't know yet if I'll be able to parlay their boredom into extra attention to schoolwork as well. We didn't do much today schoolwise; I gave them a break as they had a couple of days off last week due to illness. I'm hoping we'll get back into the school groove as the week goes on.

I also need to get into some nice indoor projects now that the weather is getting inclement. There's so many things I *want* to try, but between finances and my ADD self, getting all the materials for a project bought and together can be problematic. On the other hand, it's not like I have a lack of sewing projects to do. Every time I think maybe it's just my ego driving me to make most of the girls' clothes ("See how special I am! I made all of these myself!"), I look at the prices of ready-made clothes and realize why I still sew so much. On the *other* other hand, we're getting into the Christmas-dress season, and velvet does make such a mess when you cut it....

Bleah

Life is stale, flat and unprofitable. Wildchild got a tummy bug a couple of days ago; now the Scientist has it, and is curled up in the recliner with a pillow, a sleeping bag and her favorite stuffed animal. And her favorite cat is catching some Zzzzzs next to her on the armrest. Don't think we'll be getting much done today. And I was prepared, too! :)

Little Bits of Life

On a projects redux note, we did a little bit of clearing out yesterday, and I went through the girls' old school papers. The Scientist attended a parochial school Preschool-Second Grade, and Wildchild had a year of Preschool and a year of Pre-K at the same school. Some of the work they did then actually had pretty good concepts behind it. For example, in Pre-K Wildchild did one self-portrait towards the beginning of the year, and one self-portrait towards the end of the year. It was also interesting to see how her idea of how she looked, the parts of her body she felt important enough to draw, etc., changed even during that short period of time.

Other projects allowed the girls to share their own thoughts. It is fun now to go back and see how although the girls' mindsets were immature, in a lot of ways their core personalities have not really changed. The Scientist is still very thoughtful and introspective; Wildchild still likes bunnies and ice cream.

Of course, these were relatively simple projects, done on paper, but they still took some creative thought. I might try to capture some memories, some snapshots of who the girls are, on paper this year. Of course, being the girls' teacher I see much more of them than I did when they were in school, but it's nice to have something physical to look back on later when memories are not as fresh. I wonder if there's a book or anything with ideas for clever projects out there?

I still would like to do more "big" projects with the girls, like holiday art projects, science projects, and projects related to history: dressing up, historically accurate meals, historically-based art projects and so forth. I just need to not beat myself up for not doing as much as I'd like; guilt will just paralyze me into not doing anything. Still it's good to have goals to work toward, even as I realize I won't always accomplish them.

Yeah! It's Friday!

I notice that I've been posting quite a bit on learning-related matters lately. I don't want this blog to become a strictly homeschooling blog; I like being able to talk or rant about whatever is moving me. At the moment, teaching the girls and planning their lessons is taking up a lot of my time and interest. I'm also fascinated by the egregious failings within the public educational system. Of course, I can afford to find it fascinating because I don't have children whose educations are being ruined in the system. In the big picture, though, it is not good for our country's future to have children receive such poor educations. But then, I can't do anything about our country's system of education, and I certainly don't have all the answers in any case. All I can do is make sure my own children are learning, to the best of my ability and theirs.

Frankly, the political scene right now is rather discouraging to me. It seems as though there is a lot of cheating, back room deals, lying and everything else being brought to light, but nothing is coming of it. Ah, well. The wheels of God grind slowly.

Still waiting to get our van back. I'm tired of driving the old beater I'm in right now. Thus, I hate going anywhere.

Mr. Evil Genius had asthma as a child, and it now appears as though some of the things he's suffered from as an adult stem from that. His doctor is starting him on some asthma medication. It's discouraging to be tied to medication and pills, but we're hopeful that he can improve his physical state now that this has been diagnosed.

Turning Inward

A lot of my attention lately has been turned toward things in my own home. Homeschooling has been the biggest attention-getter. We started on a light schedule last week and will get more focused this week. I'm glad both of my daughters are still enthusiastic about homeschooling. They really like being able to learn at their own pace and being able to take breaks when they need them and get out in the sunshine, and they enjoy going over a book with Mommy on the bed.

They're also going to get involved in activities where they can hang out with other kids and hopefully, make new friends. Wildchild will be taking ballet and jazz dance classes. I'm trying to get the Scientist into a local 4-H club, but I'm frustrated because nothing I've found online gives good contact information. I've got several other activities in mind that I'd like to get the girls into, so it should be a busy fall!

In the meantime, the outside world continues on without me. Somehow, nothing seems as important as my home and my family and my own little projects right now, and that's a good thing. I still need to stay aware of the wolves outside, though.

Electronic Addiction

Like Marie, I've been having computer problems lately. DH has been working on putting something together for me out of salvaged computer pieces parts. He provides all the computer tech support around here. In the meantime, I've been going through withdrawal, not having access to a computer except when I borrow my husband's computer at night. Not only do I use it for blogging and reading other people's blogs, but I keep in touch with people via email, and I also love to shop online. I can find things online I can't find anywhere else, I can save time by looking at what's available online before I go to a store, I don't have to drag my daughters out shopping, the conveniences of online shopping are many. I've bought and sold things on ebay. I can also research things online, like the research I'm doing for the upcoming Lutheran Carnival, which will go up on time despite any technical difficulties! I think I'm really addicted to my computer!

Earrings

For those of you who are interested, here's a very close-up picture of the earrings my darling husband bought for me on his trip. They look like emeralds, or at least fake emeralds, but they're really crystallized volcanic ash. They're pretty.

And for Tribe fans, was tonight suh-weet or what?? A run-off home run in the ninth to win the game!! By a pinch hitter! Tied for first in the AL Central!

Getting Back to Normal

DH is back after a week of being all the way across the country, for work. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes when he is gone. Our whole family dynamic is changed; our lives are thrown off kilter. It's good to have him back.

Divorce Hurts

Pointed out to me by Mr. Evil Genius, the top ten myths of divorce. Most of the truths of these already familiar to me, such as the fact that those who live together before marriage actually have a higher rate of divorce, and that when parents don't get along, it's not always best for the kids if the parents divorce. Now, my parents were among those who created a high-conflict home for their kids, and I have to admit I was relieved when my father moved out, just because the everyday fighting would cease. However, it certainly didn't stop the problems or the stress. We had the heartbreak of finding out by accident that my dad was already living with someone else four months after the divorce was final. I still don't know who she was. My parents still fought about money and possessions, and our standard of living definitely went down after my father left. And all three of us daughters suffered in regards to relationships with men. I've said this before, but my parents' divorce still affects me today, almost twenty-one years since it happened. Parents, be there for your kids, and dads, be there for your daughters!

Balancing Act

Yeah, you've heard it before. You live it. I'm just trying to do better at my current responsibilities, such as teaching the girls, keeping up with the house, running errands. I'm trying to spend more time with my husband and have just fun time with my children. I'm also trying to take better care of myself, and exercise. I'm also trying to do more fun things I enjoy. Think that's enough? (big grin) I can't do everything, can I? Can I?

The Pace of Life

Some people (and families) seem to like to be constantly on the run. They're never at home, except to sleep and maybe eat; their lives are filled with scheduled activities. I am not one of those people. Perhaps it's because I am introverted, and need big doses of quiet, "alone time" to rest and re-energize. Perhaps it's because I show a lot of the indicators of ADD, and I'd go nuts trying to juggle more than I already am. In any case, as my kids are growing older I'm really appreciating how much homeschooling helps with a laid-back lifestyle. We're involved in a lot more activities than my husband and I hoped to be in the naive years of our early parenting. However, several of them can be fit into the daytime, so that we're not on the run all late afternoon and evening. For example, my daughter's Latin class, taught by one of our pastors, is held on Wednesday mornings. She also takes piano lessons, and those can be taken during the day as well. Not to mention how this really minimizes having to run one child one place and then run another child someplace else. It's so fulfilling, and yet so relaxing!