The Next Generation

Was just over at the International Women's Forum reading a review by Charlotte Hays of Leslie Bennetts book, The Feminine Mistake, Are We Giving Up Too Much?. You may remember Bennetts most as being one of those "alarmed by a New York Times report that an increasing number of women with degrees from top colleges are choosing to become stay-at-home mothers." The review brought two things to my mind that I'd like to discuss here.

One was the observation by Hays that many of the women in this book were living the stay-at-home lifestyle until the husband came home and announced he was leaving, often for someone else. Like Hays, I am the child of divorced parents (there are far too many of us.) I saw what my parents' divorce did to my mother, who after twenty years or so of staying home and looking after the home and my sisters and I, was now compelled to go out and re-join the work force, with only a high school education. It was very difficult for my mother, I know, but I believe she slid over-far into jaded cynicism. She found it very important that I go through college, and I found in her insistence on a career for me the unspoken addition "so you can get a job when your husband leaves you."

Consciously, I've rejected this idea. I've chosen to be a stay-at-home mom, and I'm even homeschooling them now. Deep down, my subconscious does fear being abandoned by my husband, being abandoned by people with whom I have relationships in general. I've just chosen to make the conscious choice to trust my husband, that when he says he meant our marriage vows and will not leave me, that he will stand by his word. It's not always easy to trust, but it's my decision to do it. I feel staying home with my children is the best choice for them, and it's what *I* want to do as their mother.

Which leads me to the second point I wished to make. Hays gives a quote in the book from Heidi Hartmann, founder of the Institute for Women's Policy Research: "As I once said at a conference, unless you are the mother of an Einstein or a Madame Curie, which most of us are not, your own work, if it is significant, is probably more important to society than raising your kids." Well, most parents are not Einstein or Madame Curie other. Many jobs done today, when looked at in the big picture, are not really significant in a long-term, world-changing way. Most jobs could be performed by someone else equally well. But no one else can bring up my children the way I want it done. No one else can care about them as I do; no one else can understand them as I do. Influencing the next generation of people has far more impact on the world than crunching numbers, or managing an office.