So Many Idiots, So Few Clues

Here to share my thoughts on a well-deserved fisking at the International Women's Forum of the comments by a harried and hen-pecked husband of a militant feminist.

First of all, the guy has the cojones to say "We work long hours, longer than any previous generation of fathers." Um, has this guy studied any history? Read any books? Sure, maybe those upwardly-mobile fighting-to-make-partner types work 70 to 80 hours per week. Are you telling me that all those long-ago generations of men who worked the land with simple tools to feed their families worked less? Or the men who worked 15 hours a day in factories, when Sunday was your only day off? For generations of men (and women and children!), life was nothing but work, meals and some sleep. Besides, although today in many fields the strict 40-hour work week is long gone ("This project is going live tomorrow; you need to fix it tonight!"), I still don't think the average office-working man puts in more than 45 to 50 hours a week. A lot? Yes. Longer than any previous generation of fathers? Pleeeease.

He also claims he is more "involved" with his kids' lives "than any previous generation of men", because he goes to their sporting events. Yet two paragraphs later he mentions how many nights he's come home past dinnertime and his kids are in bed. Sorry, bub, standing on the sidelines cheering for your little superstar is not the same thing as eating meals with them and reading them a story before bed. When my mother was a little girl, my grandfather worked nights. It was the Depression, and he was blessed to have a job at all, but it meant he was either at work or sleeping most of the time his children were at home. So he and my grandmother would drive up to the grade school, and eat lunch with my mother and my two uncles. Then they would sit and watch their children play. Hey, a previous generation where a man was "involved" with his children's lives!

One woman's responses is rather enlightening too. She scolds him for daring to want some appreciation for what he does. I bet she is the same type of woman who whines about hard she has it because she has chosen to have a full-time job, and then she has to come home and cook dinner every night! Horror of horrors! And sure, certain things come with the territory of being a husband and father. But we all like to be noticed and appreciated for what we do.

Now while I do think men should do some of the things that need to be done around the house, it does sound like he has gotten stuck with all the hard and "unfun" stuff: fixing things that break around their old house, cleaning out the litter box, and hauling mounds of trash. He frames his idea of appreciation as "a doggy treat" though, so I wonder if his wife doesn't have him pretty well trained. My husband sees himself as a partner in maintaining our home, not a dog looking for a pat on the head. We both have some chores that are unpleasant, but we do them because they need to be done, and we appreciate each other's work.

I do admit that older people have been impressed with some of the things my husband is willing to do with our children. Once we were staying at a bed and breakfast when our children were very little. He took the Scientist down to breakfast while I nursed Wildchild and then fed her her baby cereal. When I came down, the older woman who ran the bed and breakfast commented that her husband would never have supervised their children at mealtime like that! My husband has also been commended by his mother and grandmother for helping our girls brush their teeth, and fixing their hair. (Then again, the Scientist's hair is a lot more like his, so he's had over thirty years of experience in dealing with it!) Is that just a generational anomaly? I don't know. I am glad that my husband has done the "mundane" with our children, not just the obvious things like attending events.

In short, it appears that not only has the feminist movement produced a bunch of women whiners, but some men whiners too. Me, I'd rather try to be happy with where I am and what I have. It's not always easy, but I'll get a lot more out of my marriage by being my husband's helpmate and encouragement than complaining about how hard I have it, or what he doesn't do. Like The Quipper and his wife, my husband and I have grown together in miraculous ways. Although I am far from always happy, I'd be stupid not to know how good I have it.