Awkward Me

I'd like to make more friends, especially friends nearby. While online friends are great, real-life friends are nice also. I went out to lunch a few weeks ago with an old friend. We attended college together, and later on we worked at the same place and even lived in the same apartment development. Unfortunately, we live a couple of hours apart, so getting together is not an easy task, especially since she works full-time. But it was so much fun, and so rejuvenating, that I think it would be good for me if I could get together with friends often.

The big problem is how to meet people. The easiest way seems to be to join organizations. The problem (and of course there always is one) is that I dislike organizations! Or maybe I have never been in one I enjoyed enough. I generally don't like outside influences on my time, like appointments or set meeting dates. I also don't work well in large group settings. Is it a matter of leaving my "comfort zone" or is this just the way I am? I think the large group thing absolutely relates to my introversion. I find it hard to put myself out there to get noticed. But if I found some group where I really enjoyed the activities and the people, my other issues might not be a big deal.

I'm going to at least try the Parent/Teacher's Association this year. Last year, we didn't even move into the area until just after the girls had started school, and we didn't know until the last minute where we would even be moving to. With all the unpacking and stress, I was not interested in joining anything. This year, we're moving again, which I never would have expected, but the girls are staying in the same schools, so that uncertainty is gone. Once the stress of having to leave this house, which I had really come to feel at home in, is better, perhaps I will have the interest and energy to find more places to meet people.

Gifts

Do you ever feel that you have certain talents that you don't use? When I was in college, I loved studying foreign languages, German and Spanish in particular, and was fairly good at them. I also enjoyed the smattering of Hungarian I picked up from a Hungarian friend. I was sure I had been given these gifts for a purpose, to make use of them in my future. Unlike Miss Kate, I don't have the gifts necessary to make a good teacher, so I gave up on that idea, but I still felt somehow something would come out of my abilities.

Well, here I am twenty years later, and I use a small bit of German when I talk with a friend who originated from Bavaria. I've started to pick back up on the Spanish since the Musician started it this past school year. Of course, after three years of Latin, Spanish was fairly easy-peasy for her. She'll actually be in Honors Spanish at the high school this year.

Of course, my German was extremely valuable when I visited relatives during a ten-week college trip to Germany and Austria. I spent a few days around Christmas with my mother's first cousin, her husband, children and grandchildren. Only one of the grandchildren spoke much English, and I didn't bunk at his apartment.

My Spanish brightened someone's day at a food trailer during that same trip to Germany. I can only assume this guy was a migrant worker from Spain who had come to Germany for opportunity, and he was buying something at the trailer. I don't know how I picked up that the guy was from Spain, probably something the food trailer guy said. They seemed to know each other. So I spoke to him in Spanish, and the man seemed thrilled with this little touch of "home." I can still remember him exclaiming excitedly to the man behind the counter, "She speaks Spanish!"

And I had a fun time on that same trip when the future Mr. Evil Genius and I ate dinner one night at a Spanish restaurant. The menu was dual German/Spanish, and I ordered in Spanish. The waiter began his very own version of Germish, along the lines of, "Gracias, Fraulein." Poor Mr. Evil Genius was very lost.

Who knows what the future holds? I'd definitely have to brush up on my foreign languages if I was to make use of them again in the future. In the meantime, I sometimes wonder, "Why?"

Feelin' the Love

Staring at a blank screen is about as bad as staring at a blank sheet of paper. :) There is a lot going on, but not much of it is good. Oddly enough, though, when I think about all the things that are going wrong, I then somehow realize how much good is out there. Lots of prayers and support for friends who are facing illness and other difficulties. Economics forcing us to look at what is really important, both in our family life and in our church life. The ability to reach out to friends online, and have a dozen friends answer back with support within minutes. The ability to be aware easily of what's going on in the world that might effect us. As Red Green says, "We're all in this together." Or as my pastor says, "This is why we keep our eye on the goal, it soothes the pain of the present. St. Paul says: I consider the present sufferings not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us."

Being Free

You know what's scary? When you realize your children are going to go their own way, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Oh, you see signs that she is her own person even in babyhood. My daughters started showing some of their strong personal characteristics VERY early on. But when they are young, you can still coerce them into being polite, working on schoolwork, sitting quietly in church, (occasionally) cleaning their rooms. Eventually, though, you come to the Moment. Even as a mid-life crisis can hit you like a bolt from the blue, though you've known all along that eventually you will get old and die, so too can the thought that someday your kids will be on their own and can make some serious mistakes, be startling.

Of course, there are many things that can help influence a child's development. In this category are not only how you raise the child, but what examples you set. When looking at people whom I know personally who have made mistakes in their lives, I can see how seeds of negative behavior were sown by the actions of others who had significant influences in their lives at an early age.

In the end, though, everybody makes their own choices in life. Though it can be daunting to think of my daughters out on their own, in a way it is freeing to think that in the end they are responsible for decisions they make, even as I am responsible for what I have done, no matter the bad things I can point to in my past. It is freeing because none of us can be perfect as parents, or as significant people in a child's life. We should strive for the best, so that our children are not too burdened with a poor start. But our best influences fade before personal choice. The best we can do is pray for the young people in our lives to make positive decisions.

My Day

Yesterday was my birthday! I'm honestly not fishing for birthday wishes, because I got enough yesterday on Facebook to turn anybody's head. But I wanted to mention that my new BTEG icon was a birthday gift from the Musician, as well as this picture:Wasn't that nice?

My younger sister (with whom I don't talk much) shares a birthday with me. It was kind of nice having this in common with my sister, but it also stunk not to have one's birthday to oneself, plus without the "specialness" of being a twin. It also made it more painful when my youngest sister started ignoring my birthday. It's not like she could forget it! However, that's years under the bridge, and I've learned that real family is the people who are there for you and who care for you, no matter whether there is a blood tie or not. Praise God for all of them!

House Hunting

The Musician has always been very sensitive to smells. For the longest time she couldn't even walk down the shampoo aisle or the laundry detergent aisle without getting ill, and of course she is very sensitive to what kind of shampoo and soap she uses, and what kind her sister uses since they share a bathroom. She once threw up when my sister with no sense of boundaries forced smelly hand lotion on her (one of the reasons I don't speak to my sister much.)

She must get it from me, because while house hunting I have been frustrated with how badly some of these houses smell to me because of some kind of air freshener or cleaner. As we were driving away from the last house we looked at, I remarked to Mr. BTEG how badly it smelled and he replied that he hadn't really noticed anything. So perhaps I am extra sensitive, but I would think a person would be careful about that sort of thing when trying to interest a prospective buyer or renter in a property. Easier said than done if you are not sensitive to it, I guess. Oh, and don't leave the dustpan on the stove. That squicked me out as well.

Given

First of all, the Equestrienne is now the Musician.

Secondly, the Musician just returned from a fantastic youth convention in Nashville, Tennessee, through a Lutheran group called Higher Things. The theme for this year was "Given." She not only had a great time with over a thousand other teenagers, but she worshiped, communed and learned more about what being Lutheran means. I'm so glad that she has this opportunity, and I wish something like it had been around when I was a teen. I'm also glad that my daughter takes her faith seriously and enjoys learning about it.

Mind's Eye

A commenter on my blog once noted that people are open about suffering from mental issues--when things are going well. It's true that it is difficult to share things with the outside world when one is in a chemical imbalance state of depression. Even without seeing pink elephants or purple spiders, you know when you are "off" and you don't want to scare people away. I have really been grappling with the issue of having to move, especially when we thought we were settled in where we were. The ground was pulled out from under our feet, and I spent a lot of time getting through the shock. Now I am putting a lot of energy into packing and finding a place to live that I would rather be putting into other areas, like relationships. Such is life, really. This too shall pass, and I hope we will come out better for it.

Improvement

I have been very lethargic and sluggish recently. I was starting to worry about myself. Was it depression due to our housing situation? Was it a result of my meds/mental situation? Well, the temperature has dropped and all of a sudden I am full of win again. It seems likely it was just the hot and humid weather bringing me down. We have not been running our air conditioning because of our financial setbacks earlier this year. Which is good overall, but apparently not so good for my physical state. At least I am feeling better about my overall state.

Television and Real Life

I am very tired of seeing ads for the new television show on TV Land called "Hot in Cleveland." I suppose we are supposed to favor it since it is ostensibly based on our town. To be honest, I haven't watched it. I don't watch much television in any case. I've just seen one clip, where the hot chicks from out of town are shocked and thrilled when one of their male escorts for the evening remarks something along the lines of, "Just cheese fries? You're a light eater." Not sure if that is a supposed to be a positive or negative towards Cleveland, but there certainly are different approaches to life and eating across the country.

A couple of years ago we hosted some friends and their daughter at our place. They both had lived in California for a number of years, but the wife had lived there far longer. For dinner, we served a roast and vegetables that had been thrown in with the roast. The dinner was enjoyed by all, but the wife commented that in California, they'd have been given something more along the lines of a salad. Ah well. I take C.S. Lewis' attitude that different locales can each appreciate the things they like best, as long as they refrain from attacking others' choices.

Summer Reading

"When I was your age, television was called books."

The Evil Genius family is a family of voracious readers. The Dancer is cruising her way through the Lemony Snickett series currently. The Equestrienne has been going back and reading old favorites, but she also has three assigned books for her freshman Honors English class that she has to read this summer: A Separate Peace, Night and A Raisin in the Sun. I need to buy them for her soon! I am glad to see she is reading more classic literature than she got in her 8th grade English class. I myself read the first two books for school as well. Night was assigned while we were studying in Germany, and I got to hear Elie Wiesel speak at Kent State University, although honestly I don't remember much of it! I remember I did evaluate the speech for the public speaking class I was taking that quarter.

Cheryl did a post a while ago which made me think back to all of the classics that I have read for fun or self-enrichment. I read The Picture of Dorian Gray, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Ivanhoe, All Quiet on the Western Front. I read translations of Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera after seeing the musicals. I have a tendency to do this; I read The Princess Bride and even 101 Dalmatians out of interest from the movies. Read The Neverending Story but haven't seen the whole movie. I'm sure once I end this post I will remember more classics I have read on my own.

I will have to come up with a new name for the Equestrienne, as she has lost interest in riding, at least for now. Can't come up with a better name than the High Schooler. Maybe I'll ask her for input.

Time Keeps Moving On

17 years ago today!

Think It Through

There is an organization at Values dot com that puts up billboards highlighting someone who has accomplished great things and encouraging others to do likewise with the words "Pass it on." The one I have seen most often around town is of a woman who fostered 100 children. Being a foster mom to needy kids is a great thing to do. However, the one I saw a couple times in Youngstown this weekend made me do a double take in my mind when I thought about it. It was a picture of Babe Ruth, with the phrase "From orphanage to Hall of Fame." Now, making the Baseball Hall of Fame is a special accomplishment. It puts you in the league of extraordinary athletes. However, was not Babe Ruth also a raging alcoholic and a womanizer? Is this another case of ignoring an athlete's troubled private life if he can perform on the field? Or is it a case where someone didn't think it through?

Consequences

I don't have any hard figures on eBay sales, but to my own scanning eye, it looks like a lot of things are not selling. I wonder if this is not due at least in part to higher postage costs. You can price your item at a garage sale price, but if it is fragile and/or big enough that it needs to go in a box, the price of shipping can be double or triple what is being asked as the selling price. Might as well haul the stuff down to Goodwill, I guess.

Changing Season

It feels like fall in northeast Ohio today. After some wonderfully warm and sunny days, there were a series of severe thunderstorms that passed through last night. Today, the sky is gray, the air cold, and the wind still strong. For me, a good day to stay inside and relax. For my family, a good day to go see Iron Man 2. Ah well. I wish there were more things we enjoyed doing as an entire family. Don't tell Laura, but I am not very big on movies! :O I am happy to have some quiet time, however.

Sickies

There is a cold going through the Evil Genius family. I am the one who currently has it, and I am at that stage where I am incredibly bored but don't feel up to doing anything. I'm also hoping I will get a better night's sleep than I did last night. For being sick, you'd think I would have slept like a log, but I didn't. I think I will go have some ice cream to soothe my sore throat. :)

P.S. What does it say about me that my blog has a label for ice cream? :)

Positive Notes

The first positive note is that Mr. BTEG has gotten a new job. I know it will take a while for things to settle out for us, but we are at least on the right path now.

The second positive thing was that we went geocaching on Sunday afternoon. It was a fun and free way to get out of the house, and we got some exercise to boot. The first cache we found is entitled "Gotta Go." It's in an interesting location; it looks like it was originally planned to be a street at one time. There is a level and graded area that is about street width, and the wooded lots on either side are about the size for a house. Each wooded side backs onto the houses on another residential street, so those houses have pretty nice back yards, at least unless they build there someday. One homeowner appears to have bought the back lot; it has no trees and is grassed over. Another homeowner may have purchased their back lot; there is a lot of brush cut down and they seem to burn it at times, judging by the rusty barrel in the middle of the back lot. But the most outstanding feature is the blue toilet sitting off to the side near the back. Thus the name of the cache.

We also saw six deer at the end of this "street," which ends in a large field. I guess the deer around here made it through the winter okay, judging by the amount I've seen.

The last puzzle we did was a puzzle cache, which started in a park right on Lake Erie, and ended across the street in another playground/park. We first took the chance to find a cache we had wanted to look for the previous time we were there, but there were too many people around. This time, we were able to not be so conspicuous. Part of the puzzle cache took us to the small old cemetery which is also right on the lake. The pictures I have are from the last time we were there.

Many of the stones are worn quite a bit by the weather, some to nothing but stubs. I hope the local historical society or someone else chronicled these grave stones before they became unreadable.



I thought this one was interesting, because the man died in 1816 at 82. That means he was born in 1734! Yes, I'm sure lots of people were. :) But it's still interesting to see an actual headstone from that time, and think of everything this person lived through.

The headstone included in the puzzle cache had a wife who died two days after her husband. That's how I want to go.

Cold Spell

Everything that the BTEG family has been through this year has affected me, and mostly not in very good ways. Still, I feel I have reasons, for example, to be more cynical. Things that I thought were there to help us were really just there to look at the bottom line. The world can be a very cold and unfriendly place, and I've seen a lot more of that lately than things in the world that are good. I've also learned more about some people's true characters. That's painful, but better in the long run than thinking someone cares about you when they don't. If it wasn't better for our daughters to be settled in a home and a school, I'd love to pull up stakes and strike out somewhere new. As it is, I'm going to have to adjust to how things have changed, both in how I relate to other people, and in myself. Perhaps some of this will change when I get back solidly on my meds and there is less stress in my life.

Might As Well

Since I haven't posted in quite a while, I might as well do a proud mom brag here as well as on Facebook. The Dancer's teacher called today to tell us how far the Dancer has come in school and that she is an excellent student. They also took a practice Ohio Achievement Test today and the Dancer did the best in the class. Of course, I'm also proud as her former teacher for five years too! I would like to do an "in your face" to my parents who didn't think I could homeschool. Since I can't do it in person, I'll just do it here, lol. And I didn't even accomplish as much as I wanted as a homeschool mom, since the girls really didn't enjoy it, not nearly as much as they like public school. I've said stuff like this before, but it's still wonderful to me how well they are doing fresh out of homeschool. In a few years, I'll probably just be bragging about them as students and not throw me into the mix as much. :)

How Do They Do It?

Looking on etsy to get ideas of stuff to possibly make and sell, I have to wonder how knit dishcloths can be sold for as low as $2.00. Even if you are a lightning fast knitter, that barely covers your yarn, much less your time.

The amount of items on sale at etsy is overwhelming. The etsy people really seem to have found a good niche for themselves, and for crafters. I find it funny that having spent a *lot* of time in doctors' offices lately, and seeing a lot of elderly people in said offices, that I am the only person I have seen knitting. Unless these people have troubles with their sight and/or hands. I dread that happening to me because I enjoy various crafts so much. I would like to be able to continue to do them, well, for the rest of my life, basically. Selfish of me. :)