The Dreary Night

Sometimes I hate the night. Often I feel a disconnect with normal life. Nothing seems to have any value. I wonder why anything is worth putting in any effort. Trying to get to sleep at home after I got out of the hospital was particularly difficult. Everything seemed empty and meaningless, yet I needed to think of something positive in order to get to sleep.

My medicine can often make me very drowsy at night, which means what little "nightlife" I had is pretty much gone. I can certainly put off taking my meds to a later hour, but when your body is used to feeling drowsy at a certain time, it can still be hard to mess up your schedule. It's best for me to stay on a good schedule, anyway.

I actually feel better typing this post. Just knowing that you all are out there is comforting. I suppose it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I don't feel alone with my family spinning on a little ball out in space. There is companionship and fellowship out there to pull me out of myself.

Down Day

Tired and discouraged tonight. I've been busy for the last few days, however, so I'm expecting to feel better tomorrow. I am disappointed because I thought I'd found a support group for people with mental illnesses, but they don't appear to still be running, or at least not on the schedule that I found. Why is it so hard to meet people? Too tired to go into any detailed analysis of my thoughts on the subject, so discuss among yourselves. :)

Just Keep Swimming

Too darn long since I last posted! I've been getting busier with enjoyable things, like going to the pool with the girls. I have no idea why I haven't done that sooner. Especially since no other exercise plan looks like it will work out this summer. We can't afford a bicycle or even good walking shoes for me at the moment, so swimming is a good alternative.

I'm actually so busy that I've barely touched my computer lately! I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that this winter, though. I just need to write here more often. Life could be seen as outwardly boring because we haven't been doing "exciting" things, but I think we are all enjoying the summer. The girls have spent lots of time swimming, bicycling and hanging out with their friends, all good kid summer activities. No need for admonitions to come in when the streetlights come on, however. If the girls are at a friend's house that late, it usually ends up being a sleepover!

East End

I live on the far west side of Cleveland. When I meet up with my friend, we meet on the far east side of Cleveland, because my friend lives even further east, outside the greater Cleveland area altogether. We usually go window shopping after we eat. This past time, we went to a different mall. It was really amazing. I mean, there are rich people on the west side of Cleveland, judging by the number of big, expensive homes. However, the east side must have people that are even richer. Nowhere on the west side are there stores like the east side. A Swarovski crystal store, with a male sales attendant wearing more makeup than my friend and combined. I don't know how he could even move his face to speak. Saks Fifth Avenue. Nordstrom's. (Us poor folk on the west side have to get along with Dillard's and Macy's and JC Penney.) There was even a LEGO store. I wonder how long the economy will be able to support having such stores. Even the uber-wealthy are going to have to feel it eventually, I would think. Dang, I'm such a pessimist!

Out of the House

Had a Girl's Night Out with a friend tonight. Every time I have one, I realize all over again how much I need them, and resolve to do it more often. Well, my friend and I probably will be meeting again soon, but I need to get out more as well, with family or friends. When I'm at home I think I tend to turn inward too much, and brood. Yes, my family, and I, have problems, but fretting over them won't do anything to solve them. Of course, I don't have any ideas for solutions, either. But I'm tired after my big night out, and Tomorrow Is Another Day.

Awake...Asleep

Very tired. Drove to Toledo and back tonight to pick up the Musician. She attended the annual Higher Things youth conference with a church group from that area. I'm hoping I will be able to slow my mind down enough to get to sleep soon. Having to stay awake and alert for several hours only to try to go to sleep soon after is frustrating.

The Future

I'm feeling better today. I need to find someone that I can "dump on" when I'm feeling frustrated or confused. Although I should also journal more. Writing things down is really a good way to get things out of my system. Like Karen, I'm starting to feel like I have church issues. Which is surprising. Our church is liturgical and traditional, which I like, and the pastors are great. But is it wrong to want to have friends with some of the people that you go to church with, instead of just everyone being a bunch of people that you see once a week? Distance is also getting to be an issue, with the price of gas, and also because I would like to have some kind of local feeling at my church. We leave at least twenty minutes to a half hour away from most of the people who attend the church. And I am also really not fond of the new location (long story.) I think Greater Cleveland needs more than one confessional Lutheran church!!

Need Advice

What do you blog about when you are cranky and you can't say what you really want to say? I mean, yes, I'm evil, but people look at you funny when you let your evil flag fly. Sigh.

A Change

After four hours of work by the installers this morning, we finally have air conditioning again. I'm feeling relief with my skin, although it will take a while to heal. One positive side effect is that I am drowsy tonight for the first time in a week or more. That feels really good. Actually, I'm too tired to really type much more of anything coherent, so, goodnight!

Nothing

I'm tired. Very tired. Wishing I could stop.

Bleah

I'm unhappy. I seem to have developed some kind of skin allergy to something outside. I base this on the fact that, without air conditioning, I'm feeling like I have chicken pox or something. My skin has been rashy and itchy even on the days that it was cooler. Today, some of my skin has even transitioned from itchy to raw feeling. And Mr. BTEG forgot the Benadryl when he went shopping this morning.

I've always had sensitive skin; I'm sure I've mentioned this here before. So I'm already using the soaps and laundry detergents for sensitive skin. I'm guessing that I haven't seen this skin issue before because we usually spend the summer in air conditioning. But thanks to the Air Conditioning Saga, I get to spend almost a week more feeling itchy.

We're spending some time over the holidays with my in-laws, but even then, a lot of the time we will be outdoors at a family picnic. We'll see if whatever it is that I'm allergic to will affect me there.